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Eagle Times Book One Solgers To A Lost Fight ~ Chapter 2 Training

by Dossereana


Chapter 2

Training

Tarath looked at the ones that he had to train for now. Talon Eye stood still and strait in the line that Eyedis had given him. Suddenly Tarath then slashed his razers at one of the eagles at the front ray the eagle did not really do anything he just lunched at Tarath. Tarath held back seeing that he mite have killed the eagle.

“you are sloppy Nertoth, that was just one of the simple a takes that I just did you should no how to attack back,” Tarath said looking at Nertoth. Nertoth looked at him with his eagles eyes.

“Yes sir,” he said as his face then dropped for he had failed the first thing that Tarath had tested him on. They all new that when they move up to another teacher that is hire then the last one then they will be tested. You only got two shots if you failed those two shots like Nertoth did with the first then you were sent back to the first teacher Eyedis. Nertoth still had one more chance. All of them new that Tarath was supposed to catch them by surprise. Talon Eye looked at Tarath closely making shore not to miss a single movement. Talon Eye watched his eye balls most, suddenly they turned to him. Talon Eye was getting ready for the attack inside but his position was looking like he was not looking at Tarath. Then Tarath wiped out at Talon Eye just like what talon Eye was getting ready for. Talon Eye covered his attack and they both were tide.

"Very good Talon Eye, see every one he was watching every moment that I made, and that is how he new that I was going to attack him," Tarath said as he and Talon Eye got up. there was silence for a moment as they all looked at there trainer. They all new that they were going to have to say good bye to Nertoth now for he had failed. Tarath then brock the silence.

"Now has any of you got any questions to ask me?" Tarath asked, knowing that at least one of them was going to have a question. Talon Eye looked up at him.

"Sir, how is this training use full to us when we can’t even keep an eye on one eagle in war for there is many that will attack us at won’s?" Talon Eye asked as he thought about the things that they had just been doing and about the wars with other eagles all around them.

"Good question Talon Eye you have to train you self to keep an eye on all most every sing gill eagle around you if you cannot do this then you are all most help les," Tarath said looking at them all. He knew that he really had to speak to Eyedis of how stricked he was being with them for it seemed like the had not learned much at all. There were a few of them that looked like they had a good chance in the wars. Today Tarath was going to start seeing how many of them had learned what they were sap post to learn in Eyedis's classes. at the end of it there were ack shelly way more then what he thought there would be. Nertoth was out for he had failed and was now going back to Eyedis's class. He was the only one that had failed. there was no way that he could stay in Taraths class he would crumble under the pressure for he did not really no the basics very well. The eagle next to Talon Eye looked at him with her black yellow eyes. Her name was Grassenler. She also wanted to become a trainer but just like Talon Eye Grassenler needed a lot of practice. She then turned her head to face Tarath. Takasol also had got in up to the next level and had decided that Talon Eye was right about not eating before training. There was a lot of things that needed improving and a lot more to learn for there fighting.

“Okay you guys need to concentrate pleas Relaina, and Lemedar stop talking and listen to what I am saying,” Tarath said looking at us all in are strait lines we all new that he was being dead sears about this.

“I really need to go over all of my training so that I can get it all right,” Talon Eye thought as he looked at his coach. He knew that until they had all fixed the training that they all had done with Eyedis that Tarath could not go on teaching them anything else new. so every practise for now was about getting things better. Class was over and we all new what we had to do.


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26 Reviews


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Reviews: 26

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Tue May 07, 2019 6:50 pm
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seekingthetruth says...



really exciting ready for the next chapter. but a few points are that maybe just maybe you should perhaps consider starting again and making your charatecters less basic and more thriklling because I found they were boring no offense I mean great names but make them stand out make them apart of the story , make them feel human and then they will become human.

the tone , setting and plot is all excellent if you don't want to start again that's fine but give the character a more human outlook and make us feel like we their imagery is the hardets in writing but I hope you succeed

good luck to writing in the future , well done yours

seeking the truth 8.8/10




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26 Reviews


Points: 29
Reviews: 26

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Mon May 06, 2019 8:43 pm
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seekingthetruth wrote a review...



I am so happy right now it was so great. I enjoyed every bit of it. you could try adding pathetic fallacy and sentence structers but other than that ok. because you see I was only gripped by words I was disappointed you worte I n in onehuge seprate paragraphs should of broke down some more because lit would of been easier to read and as I have dyslexia I kept missing a couple of lines because It was all joijed together , so wht I am saying I make it readable for all because its really good and I want others to enjoy reading it

please check out my works

many thanks
9.9/10 congrats my second highest rank of the day




Dossereana says...


Thanks for every thing you said in the review it helps me and I love what you say. :D



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Mon May 06, 2019 5:10 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, @EagleFly it is I FlamingPhoenix again with a review for your chapter on this lovely day, And to help get this work out the green room.

Okay let's start.

Things that need to be fixed
So I did see a few things that could be fixed. So I will get right to it. Here is the first one.

Suddenly Tarath then slashed his razers at one of the eagles at the front ray the eagle did not really do anything he just lunched at Tarath.

Okay so as you know the words in bold is what I would like to talk about.
So the first one is just a little spelling mistake, and I think you meant to spell it like this 'razors'? The other one I think is just a silly little typo, and it meant to saw 'row'? So it would be front row instead of front ray?

Here is the next few things I saw.
you are sloppy Nertoth, that was just one of the simple a takes that I just did you should no how to attack back,”

So the first word in bold is just that you forgot the make the Y into a capitol letter.
And the no should be spelt like this 'know'.

Moving along onto the next once.
"Very good Talon Eye, see every one he was watching every moment that I made, and that is how he new that I was going to attack him," Tarath said as he and Talon Eye got up. there was silence for a moment as they all looked at there trainer.

Okay there are quit a few things in this one, let's start with the first bold word. That should be one word, everyone is one word, it is sadly one of the things you have to remember.
Now the second one I do believe you meant to sat 'movement' instead on moment.
the next one is just a silly mistake everyone does, the there just needs a capitol letter. And the other there is the wrong there, it needs to be this one 'their'.

Moving on.
He knew that he really had to speak to Eyedis of how stricked he was being with them for it seemed like the had not learned much at all.

Okay so the first one is just a smelling mistake, one that I do all the time. It needs to be written like this 'strict'. The other one is just another silly thing, the, the needs to be changed onto a they.

Here is the next one.

at the end of it there were ack shelly way more then what he thought there would be.

So as you can see the at needs a capitol letter. Now the next one is just a spelling mistake, you needs to spell it like this, 'acholi', at least that is how I think you spell it.

Last one.
so every practise for now was about getting things better. Class was over and we all new what we had to do.

Okay so the first one is a spelling mistake, you spell it like this. Practice. And the other one you need to spell it like this 'knew'.

Well that was everything out of your chapter I could see that was wrong. Now I want to talk about the good things with your story.

Description
I really like your description at the moment. It is giving me a really good view of things at the moment, it's nice that you don't do just one long description at the beginning of the chapter and there is none left through out the rest of the chapter, I like it that you describe things as you go through the chapter, it make it easy for the reader to get used to the world your characters are living in, but with that being said, you did have a little bit of fighting in this chapter and that was a little hard to follow because you didn't give us enough description, so just watch out for things like that. I know describing a fight is hard.

Characters
Now I really like how things are going with the characters at the moment, I am forming quit a connection with Talon Eye, and that is always good. So I am looking forward to forming a stronger connection with the rest of your characters. I also don't thing you are bring new characters into the chapter to fast, just I do hope they will still be around in the next chapter.

Plot
Now this is something I have been wanting to talk about for quit a bit now. I can see that we haven't quit gotten into the plot yet, and you are still getting your reader used your your characters way of life. But I do hope what ever your plan for the plot is I'm sure it's going to be a good one. Though I can see some of the plot coming into this chapter, so that's a good sine.

Well that's it for me. Over all this was a very well written chapter, and I just loved reading it. It was full of laughter, and stressful moments, so I do hope I will see more of those in the later chapters. I hope you will post again on YWS soon. Never stop writing and have a great day or night.

Your friend/sister, and faithful reader
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




Dossereana says...


Thanks for the review it was really helpfull.





I'm glad I could help you out. :D




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