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The Red Empire . part 2

by Dynasty cow


All the assassins climbed at the signal, as before but faster . They arrived at the window, inside something impossible was taking place . The large room was tiled with cold grey squares, pillars supported the ceilings and against the far side was a bed containing the vice emperor . In this room which appeared more like a hall there master stood alone fighting the minion . Mork evaded furiously avoiding white flames which emitted from the minions hands , he leapt into the air trying to get close but was pushed back by invisible force radiating from the minion , which was not toying with there master , it looked confused ;no human could dodge his attacks .Sixteen years of training were being put to use ,his body was being pushed to far . soon his lungs will fail him ,it thought. The minion was in the form of a minotaur , it stood taller than the man who had challenged it , around its neck a dark green mane that extended down its spine and formed a tail , its skin was blood red and scaly and its eyes were like two black marbles ,glinting viciously and from is nostrils yellow steam frothed out and filled the room with a vile stench . It looked taken aback by this mere beings strength , it was sweating too , but compared to there master these effects of battle were puny for Mork was bleeding internally , a hole was burnt strait through his thigh but he still dodged emerald green infernos conjured by the beast , and claws which would cut through his flesh like butter , but Mork too was fighting , there master wielded blades which were being used to the limit of physical weapons , he sliced at the minion to find himself slicing air , it was too fast . Mork’s figure Bound from wall to wall , the minion wildly sent flares of purple ice at Mork who ,not once seemed shaken . The minion side stepped to dodge a flying dagger threw by Mork, it then leaped forwards and bringing its arm over its horned head sliced at his face . Mork stepped back , his left eye showed a deep slit , teeth were missing , his jaw dislocated , and across his cheek a deep gash that began to leak blood like a broken pipe . He clutched his face and wobbled uncertainly deciding weather to die or fight, at this image the minion spoke with a harsh , scratchy voice almost too deep to make out “ pathetic fool , humans are weak , like a futile cockroach struggling to survive , now you will die like the loathsome rat you…” a foot smashed into the minions bony face sending the minion into an uncertain wobble, Mork landed on the floor a second later knees bent and arms ready for more . He breathed heavily, he spat out a vile mixture of blood and teeth , with each new breath more of the red liquid dribbled out of the corner of his mouth .His face under the cuts and stains of red showed not the slightest sign of weakness . The minion recovering from its knock , out of hate charged at Mork horns down , who did not have time to flinch .

As horns pinned him to the wall ,two ribs cracked . He began to realize the inevitable, he will die fighting this minion . Before death some people say ‘your life flashes before your eyes’ while others call it a flash back . Which ever it was ,Mork was experiencing one.

Morks sister Gale burst into the room, tears streaming down her face . ‘Whats wro…’ ‘mums dead’ as she said these words Mork froze ,white faced . For an awkward moment no one spoke . Gale had not visited his house for two years ,for she was not a seven year old toddler but a twenty three year old women ,Mork being twenty seven did not cry but grief was gnawing at his insides, his head swam with sudden shock. ‘What happened’ he said shaking

‘A tiger’ she began ,forcing the words out and the tears in ‘A ti-tiger was the only thing that could hav…’ ‘how the hell can a tiger be in the middle of London!…sorry’ ‘it escaped some scientists doing an experiment on it…she was found half eaten on the street. No one saw it do it to her but what else could have done it’ at this she burst into tears and fell into Morks chest ‘take it easy sister’ he gave Gale a rare hug , he pulled out a tissue and dabbed her face until all the tears were gone . As he stared into her grey eyes , tears trickled down his own features proving to hard to hold back and fell to the floor.

. The tiger had nothing to do with his mothers death. Mork new what it was, at this thought he gave a bellow and grasping the horns he pushed . Veins popped under the pressure , his muscles strained and he felt the muscular strands snap . Adrenalin pushed violently and slowly the minotaur was forced back and threw to the rear of the room . Mork hurtled his blades at the minion which evaded them carelessly , fists bared he ran towards the minion , it chuckled at the idea of being fought by fists but as the joke ran through his head a ferocious force collided with his chest . Who was this human , how dare he .

Locked in combat , in a vicious tornado of fists were man and minion , both equally fueled by fury clashed .

This was a scene that before this day , was myth . A man fighting a minion , impossible!. Mork is no hero , he is a legend .

After thirteen seconds of one on one battle ,Mork began to feel the brunt of its brutal punches , its fists waved expertly around him getting to his weak spots like scything sledge hammers . Mork finally, after enduring a broken nose, and a wounded lung drew back , breathing deeply but never leaving the minions gaze .

next part comming soon , please say stuff about this part like how crap it is , or how it wasted two miniutes of your life or how you could not imagine the assassins cause i didnt describe them , or how it go ruined when i said the word london , or the way hardly any sentences link .... stuff like that . unless you do have somthing good to say .


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118 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 118

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Mon Feb 27, 2006 8:20 pm
*Twilight* wrote a review...



This is still as good as the last one you are getting really good at describing battles. I know I said this last time but I also really like your metaphores too. You should definatley keep writing this story. The only thing is that you don't reveal much about your characters, instead you have them fight the whole time. If you want us to really care about your charaters then you need talk about their past so we can aget a better idea of who they are.

Now, for the grammar.

but Mork too was fighting ,


In a sentence like this you are supposed to put a comma after too that makes it much better.


there master wielded blades


The way you spelled There is the word that you would use in a sentence like: Look the monster is over there!

The proper word would be their as in: Don't take that wallet it has their money in it!

Here, I ran the two words through an online dictionary that way I don't confuse you.

There: in or at that place <stand over there>

Their: of or relating to them or themselves especially as possessors

but a twenty three year old women


The word you used is women this is plural it means more than one. The proper word would be Woman.

That is all of the grammar mistakes I found. I really like your style and I also like the story but remember the key to writing a good story is to have a good character. I like your character Mork he is a cool tough guy but we need to know more about him.




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Points: 890
Reviews: 44

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Sun Feb 26, 2006 11:01 am
Dynasty cow says...



I dont get it , how come no one reads this (exept black tamplar ) its like this buetifull piece of work is just a penny, unsignificant . if you want to comment on how crap it is please do so cs that would be very helpfull




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Points: 890
Reviews: 44

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Mon Feb 20, 2006 8:19 pm
Dynasty cow says...



Message for black tamplar : youve got it .





Don't turn them loose, Jack.
— David Letterman