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The Red Empire . part 1

by Dynasty cow

The leader made a sudden flick with left foot , the signal. Seven of the squad began to climb the castle walls . For any one who cared to look, there would be shadows stealth- fully clambering up the side of the guarded castle , blink and they would be lost amid the black gloom of the night.

The star-infested sky was lifeless. No wind ,no fluttering birds … just silence . The ground was the same , the grass lands were motionless and lay dead , nothing dared move in case of disturbing the great hush . This silence was unbreakable, not a word could be spoken, a single breath by the assassins would trigger the guards to act faster than humans thought possible , for the guards were not human.

The dark forms ascended the black granite bricks, There target was clear now, the emperors window. A minion of the ninth level would be guarding the emperor, They had prepared 12.5 grams of diamond powder, once thrown and in hailed by the minion this rare weapon clogs the system, as it is the only material on the planet durable enough to resist the ph -4 acids that, inside the minions body flows like blood, effectively killing it. Four years of planning rested on this day , if the assassins failed the last of the human species would slowly die out , if they were victorious , the rebels will rise and take down the Red Empire and rule earth once more.

These minions that guard the palace ,they have no fear of humans . Jokes in there language are made about humans attempting to defeat them , even for the lower class minion’s , a human will hold no challenge , not even a threat. There was one case ,to humans a legend , to minions a tragic embarrassment . Were Biloxi Furth managed to overcome a minion of the fifth level but the man was huge , and the minion attacked his family and something beyond adrenalin fueled him to defend them. But it was all a myth created to comfort mankind in the knowledge that at least one human was able to over come such twisted evil ,just a myth.

When the first assassin reached the window, according to the plan, he had precisely three seconds to assess the situation before chipping of the forth to left screw using a chisel thus dislodging the frame making it possible to enter but after the three seconds were counted, the dark shadow on the wall did not move, after six precious seconds wasted, it then began its decent, what had gone wrong?.

The leader swiftly moved, all that was visible was the same dark form weaving its way through the shadows, his footsteps on the hard earth sounded like a falling leaf landing on snow, despite this they were meaningful and full of strength for he soon arrived at his destination, the bottom of the wall were the assassin who had broken the complex plan stood engulfed by shade.

Fourteen complex movements with both hands revealed the problem, in sign language he spoke ‘frame made of chrome’ he pulled the chisel out of a compartment hanging on his belt ‘not strong enough’. The leader did not reply with his hands but with his face, a look of the up most anger followed but he mastered it at once before it blew up. He snatched the chisel and exploded into action, his legs began pumping like the rod on a steam train as he mounted the wall, his hands gripped the lumpy bricks and tugged himself higher and higher up the wall with speed similar to a frightened squirrel scaling a tree. He wore the darkest green accepted as green for any darker and it would be black, in the form of a cloak, it dangled and flapped from his back and continued down to his torso and limbs , concealing them in pure shadow as he got hier and hier up the vertical wall using nothing other than fingers and toes .

Mork ; the man in charge of the operation , had escalated the castle walls faster than ever before , he did not stop at the chrome window but continued up wards, then he stopped at another window. The right one. The apprentice assassin, hidden by darkness blushed for he had just realized what a mistake he had made .

A thin shadow on the wall sixty feet up was his master , he looked as though he were nailed to the wall like a painting but in reality the professional assassin stood with two feet on a particularly lumpy brick with his two hands free to break into the window , he took the chisel and began the three hour process of slowly , silently chipping away the screw.

Mork dropped a coin , giving a spin on its decent. When it reached a shaft of moon light it flashed . The signal , before it thudded loudly on the floor an assassin caught it with finger and thumb. Once the signal was displayed the assassins began climbing . Non of them noticed there master leap through the window ,into the emperors room ,blades bared.

the second part is below the first part its called The Red Empire. part 2 but please say stuff about this 1

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139 Reviews

Points: 990
Reviews: 139

Thu Feb 23, 2006 11:50 pm
Torpid says...

I like it, -4 ph acid? It'd technically be 4ph acid. cause it goes from 1-14 but its GOOD! NICE! EXCELLENT! SWEET! MIGHTY FINE WORK! A!

Has potential. You've earned Torpid's 'Ever Onward' for your story.

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53 Reviews

Points: 1040
Reviews: 53

Thu Feb 23, 2006 9:35 pm
Araidne says...

I sorta liked it. Cant wait for part 2!

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Points: 890
Reviews: 44

Wed Feb 22, 2006 4:53 pm
Dynasty cow says...

yep, the second bit has a realy cool fight scene in it ( i think its cool ) and it contains a realy cool beast :x :cry: :shock: :D :^o these are cool , from mr cool 8)

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19 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 19

Tue Feb 21, 2006 8:35 pm
Killer-Ewok wrote a review...

I'm assuming that when you write the second piece your going to reveal what the non-human species are doing and what they look like, i think this meant to be like the first 10 minutes of a spy film, if you know what i mean, getting the point across with a bit of action.

I liked it, you also helped me to realize who to say things with out using speech, even thought i could use more help, so all in all a good story, and it taught me a few things to :)

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118 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 118

Tue Feb 21, 2006 7:44 pm
*Twilight* wrote a review...

This was written very well, not once was I lost in the description. You used simple words that were successful in describing the situation without confusing the readers. I also like your metaphors.

his legs began pumping like the rod on a steam train

This was my favorite metaphor. It did a great job in describing the power and strength in the assassin's legs.

, once thrown and in hailed

This is just a simple error but I thought I'd point it out anyway. Inhaled is the correct way of spelling the word.

he got hier and hier

This too, is just a simple error but, Higher is the correct way of spelling the word.

I like this a lot. You did a great job at showing that the assasins mean business by giving them a very precise and swift plan to take out the target.

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14 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 14

Mon Feb 20, 2006 8:11 pm
plutogirl wrote a review...

This piece was really good. I liked it but I'm going to nit pick anyways.

The only thing that bothered me was you're use of the word there.

The dark forms ascended the black granite bricks, There target was clear now

There in this form means location
Their in this form is posession
Also there doesn't really need to be capitalized since it's in the middle of the sentence
I also have a question about the first sentence
Would it sound better if you added something like his foot?

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614 Reviews

Points: 1106
Reviews: 614

Mon Feb 20, 2006 12:53 pm
Swires says...

Nice story, I felt this piece was very maturly written however some parts maybe dragged out a little and created a blandness, perhaps its because the MC was only introduced near the end. Ill read the second...

Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.
— Euripides