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Young Writers Society



A Fool's Bucket - Ch. 1.2

by ExOmelas


A/N: I think Buck on his way home to his treehouse could be cut, but I was having fun. Let me know if you also find it fun, or if you don't. I kept the chapter part going longer than I might have otherwise to make sure there's still plot advancement. Also if you let me keep the guards I might bring them back later as a reward to make them relevant :P

---

If Buck had spent less time that summer clowning around in the sweltering heat of the plaza to entertain the tourists, his heart rate might have been going awfully fast by the time he’d skipped all the way up to the guards at the gate. As it was, a quick clearing of the throat did the trick.

“Good afternoon, Victane!” Buck smiled and waved. As he waved, he thumped his hand against the bucket, which was back on his head, and frowned at the guard in an exaggerated expression of pain.

Victane chuckled and said, “Hello, Bucket.” He was a wide-shouldered old man with bristling white hair and an enormous moustache. He always wore the thick, dark brown coat and breeches that had been the uniform of the city guard in the time of the current Duchess’s father. Having not personally carried out a single order in the last decade or so, he nudged the other guard and said, “Hilene, going to let our young friend in?” He turned back to Buck and said, “So, how did it go out there?”

Buck did a funky move of one shoulder then the other, a court jester’s typical way of shrugging. “Well, sir, they were rather upset, but I think I may have won them over with ‘We All Here in the Square’. Although of course the market isn’t in a square anymore.”

“Good work, good work. I’ll see you tonight at the Prince’s dinner, young man, yes?” Victane said, patting him on the back as the other guard stopped playing with a little puzzle box long enough to let him through.

Buck slipped through the gate and swivelled around to face him. “Of course, sir. And you, Hilene?”

Hilene, the much grumpier of the two despite the bright yellows and blues of his more current uniform, shrugged and said, “Sure.”

Buck shared a grin with Victane then headed off into the city. From the gate, the dirt path cutting through the grass got wider and harder until it became a cobblestone street. The houses on the edges were larger than the ones further in, and he swerved off the road before he reached these. There were a few stone slabs dotted around the grass but for the most part it was a very soft ground underfoot as he skipped – just in case – to his treehouse.

In most directions, the city had been expanding for years, which was why it was guarded by collapsible gates rather than more permanent walls. But the grassy space around Buck’s treehouse had been preserved, even if it was often full of tourists and fans staring up at it. Today, of course, the Prince was approaching, so Buck’s garden was empty.

The tree was one of those huge oaks that had grown all over the north west for thousands of years. But the Duchess had managed to pay an expert botanist to import one all the way down to Resador and implement some mechanisms to keep it cool. It had been a tough sell, even at the price the Duchess offered, but given Buck’s father’s history with cooling mechanisms, and his resulting absence from Buck’s life, the botanist had found a way to get it done. The Duchess was still paying him off with the tourist revenue it brought in.

Buck took a little spice pellet from one of his many pockets and squeezed it until it popped, covering his fingertips. A moment later a long, thick rope tumbled out from behind the curtains of the window Buck was facing. He gripped this tight and put his weight onto his arms as he braced his legs against the tree, then walked upwards along the trunk until he reached the treehouse door. He carefully reached inside his massive red over-shirt – which was essentially a thin cloak with sleeves – and took out a key. Then he slipped inside, and swivelled around onto a chair near the window.

“Thanks, Simone,” he said, holding out the hand covered in spice as he hauled the rope back up with the other.

There was a squeak, then he felt the tingle of eight legs running along his arm. As he brought the rope in and turned away from the window, he smiled at the little spidetta that was licking the Akour spice off his fingers. She was almost exactly like a spider, except she had a long, thin, wavy tail and the ability to follow some commands, such as shoving a rope out a window when she smelled spice. She was now tasting her reward.

Buck smiled and scratched the side of her head, which was slightly furry and about the size of a large coin. If his father was going to be sent away to placate a society from another continent, there really were worse – or less cute – things he could have stolen to incur their wrath. He made sure she was carefully hidden in her tank under the window ledge before drawing back the curtains.

The treehouse was only one very tall wooden room which had a sleeping platform mounted halfway up. He slept in a narrow but soft bed above the rest of his room, which contained mostly mountains of brightly coloured clothes scattered over the floor, and dark wooden chests of face paints and other makeup. There was no privy, the whole thing being three metres up in the air, so he mostly used some communal facilities further into the city. Today, like most days, he didn’t intend on spending much time at home.

On the wall perpendicular to the one the rope had been thrown out of there was a large, unadorned mirror mounted. He knew he wasn’t going to have time to come back after his meeting with the Duchess so he needed to get his outfit sorted now.

From the tone in the Duchess’s voice a few days ago, he was going to be going close to the edge tonight so he better obscure his features. He wiped off the spiralling red circles he’d drawn to match his shirt and covered his face in blues and yellows – the Duchess’s colours. With a thin black brush he drew on what might have passed as cheekbones and wrinkles, but if not were certain to confuse anyone trying to examine his features beneath the paint. He had very distinctive wide eyes, which were sunk quite far into his head, so he needed to distract from those the best he could if he was going to be slandering anyone.

Next came clothes, but he had a standard blue and yellow all-in-one he wore for official court events. The pieces of material were sewn together with massive overlaps so that there were swathes of fabric standing out all over the place that dazzled the eye with square and circle patterns if he moved his limbs fast enough.

On high alert in case he needed to resume skipping, he sprinted into town towards the palace. He’d spent far too long on his face paint and was definitely late.

***

“Ah, finally!” Duchess Pires called, beckoning him vigorously as she leaned out the doorway.

Buck hurried down the hall, not quite breaking into a run. His feet were almost silent on the thickly carpeted floors.

“Sorry, your Grace, was getting ready.” Buck gestured at his face as the Duchess ushered him through to her study.

She had a desk set up in the far left corner, near a window but firmly to the side so that she couldn’t be seen. On that desk was a high stack of papers that still sat on the left hand side, not yet touched. Buck stepped forward and pulled the chair out from the front of the desk as she swept around in her flowing grey robes to sit on the other side.

“Oh, did my note not get to you?” she asked.

“Huh?” Buck asked, letting the ‘your Grace’ drop now that she had closed the door.

“I wanted you in red tonight,” she said. She slid a quill back into its holder and pushed a ringlet of dark blonde hair behind her ear.

“Damn! I was in red before!”

Buck had set the bucket down beside the chair with a few of his supplies in it, but when he craned over to have a look he saw no spare red paint or clothes.

“What did you want red for?” he asked. “I usually use that when I know my audience isn’t going to be happy to see me… Did you already piss off the Prince?”

“Of course not!” Pires snapped.

Buck recoiled slightly, but her frown quickly relaxed.

“Sorry,” she said, “I just – that’ll make sense once I tell you what I’m about to tell you.”

Buck grinned “And what are you about to tell me?”

“What I’m about to tell you – no, wait, I don’t have time for patter games.”

Buck and Pires often engaged in a rapid fire back and forth where they repeated what the other said and riffed off each other. But not today, apparently.

The ringlet of hair fell past Pires’s face again and she didn’t bother to move it. Buck was surprised she had in the first place. In fact, her hair was much more orderly than usual. Curls twisting out in all directions worked well with the image of the mad carnival owner Pires had curated. But today she had, for the most part, pulled her curls back and held them with a purple silk ribbon.

“What exactly do you have planned for tonight?” Buck asked, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

Pires took a deep breath – was she nervous? Since when was she ever nervous?

“I intend to propose marriage to Prince Erson.”

Your marriage?” Buck exclaimed, leaning right forward without meaning to.

“Yes, my marriage. Who else’s?” Pires crossed her arms and stared at him. “Well, thoughts?”

Buck held a gaze for a moment, then looked down and caught sight of his clothes. “Oh Gods, that’s a whole other colour.”


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Mon Jun 22, 2020 1:34 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night (whichever one it is in your part of the world)

Back for the next part.

First Impression: First of all this is a great character. It has an amazing undercurrent of humor in the right areas. Some stories try to force humor from everything but this incorporates it very naturally and the effect is amazing. Also I love spiders so I love that adorable little creature you introduced there.

Victane chuckled and said, “Hello, Bucket.” He was a wide-shouldered old man with bristling white hair and an enormous moustache. He always wore the thick, dark brown coat and breeches that had been the uniform of the city guard in the time of the current Duchess’s father. Having not personally carried out a single order in the last decade or so, he nudged the other guard and said, “Hilene, going to let our young friend in?” He turned back to Buck and said, “So, how did it go out there?”


That's a great description that hints at his personality as well so great introduction to that character.

“Good work, good work. I’ll see you tonight at the Prince’s dinner, young man, yes?” Victane said, patting him on the back as the other guard stopped playing with a little puzzle box long enough to let him through.


This makes me think of a Rubiks cube.

In most directions, the city had been expanding for years, which was why it was guarded by collapsible gates rather than more permanent walls.


The logistics of that seem a little shaky but then in this sort of story that's not important I guess.

The tree was one of those huge oaks that had grown all over the north west for thousands of years. But the Duchess had managed to pay an expert botanist to import one all the way down to Resador and implement some mechanisms to keep it cool. It had been a tough sell, even at the price the Duchess offered, but given Buck’s father’s history with cooling mechanisms, and his resulting absence from Buck’s life, the botanist had found a way to get it done. The Duchess was still paying him off with the tourist revenue it brought in.


This is some great backstory on the tree house and to answer your question do not dare cut this part. It's lovely.

She was almost exactly like a spider, except she had a long, thin, wavy tail and the ability to follow some commands, such as shoving a rope out a window when she smelled spice.


This last part is implied so I don't think you have to spell it out for the readers.

The treehouse was only one very tall wooden room which had a sleeping platform mounted halfway up. He slept in a narrow but soft bed above the rest of his room, which contained mostly mountains of brightly coloured clothes scattered over the floor, and dark wooden chests of face paints and other makeup. There was no privy, the whole thing being three metres up in the air, so he mostly used some communal facilities further into the city. Today, like most days, he didn’t intend on spending much time at home.


This is a great description and to answer you're question from above I think this part is great and definitely does not need to be chopped.

She had a desk set up in the far left corner, near a window but firmly to the side so that she couldn’t be seen. On that desk was a high stack of papers that still sat on the left hand side, not yet touched. Buck stepped forward and pulled the chair out from the front of the desk as she swept around in her flowing grey robes to sit on the other side.


A nice little description there. Gives a good sense of where the characters are in relation to each other.

Buck and Pires often engaged in a rapid fire back and forth where they repeated what the other said and riffed off each other. But not today, apparently.


This is implied pretty well in the previous part so it doesn't need to be mentioned here. This feels like you're spoon feeding the readers a bit too much.

“What exactly do you have planned for tonight?” Buck asked, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

Pires took a deep breath – was she nervous? Since when was she ever nervous?

“I intend to propose marriage to Prince Erson.”

“Your marriage?” Buck exclaimed, leaning right forward without meaning to.

“Yes, my marriage. Who else’s?” Pires crossed her arms and stared at him. “Well, thoughts?”

Buck held a gaze for a moment, then looked down and caught sight of his clothes. “Oh Gods, that’s a whole other colour.”


I love the way this is delivered. Makes you want to immediately go click on the next chapter and Imma go do that right know.

Overall: Fun little chapter. Nothing I could see in terms of grammar or punctuation error or at least if there were errors I didn't see them.

And remember to take what you think is useful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




ExOmelas says...


Hey, thanks for these reviews! (I saw the one earlier but I was studying) I really appreciate you taking this story on :)



KateHardy says...


Your Welcome!!
It sounds pretty interesting.



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Mon Feb 17, 2020 4:51 am
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redvictory wrote a review...



I'm in love with how you write fantasy! I read chapter 1.1 ages ago, then got busy and lost track. But it left enough of an impression to come back to it after all this time, and I'm so glad I did! The way you characterize Buck, and the fun details like the spider creature, the treehouse, and the ball... sometimes fantasy can be so serious, but your writing is just fun and a genuine pleasure to read!

In response to your author's note: I think the treehouse walk and guards are fun little details that add to the atmosphere! Neither of them really stuck out to me as needing removal. They will blend in more if they both become relevant to the plot later, but either way both encounters are brief enough to work well in my opinion.

I'll say it again: I love the way you write characters. You're amazing at establishing chemistry subtly and quickly, like mentioning the Duchess and Puck's game where they repeat each other. That's something I especially struggle with, so I honestly feel like I'm learning while I'm reading, haha!

One thing I will say about your setup so far: if the marriage is the inciting action, I feel like this beginning portion is a little bit rushed. A general hook would go well here, and maybe that's what the proposal is, but I feel like I'm being thrown in a bit quickly rather than given some time to settle in and connect with my protagonist and his world. I think that is especially important in fantasy. But then again, I'm often criticized for my exposition being too heavy... so take my point with a grain of salt!

Either way, I have a great time reading your writing! You write very well :) Thank you for sharing this with us!




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Sun Oct 06, 2019 12:52 am
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Ventomology wrote a review...



I promise I read chapter 1.1! But I didn't really have anything to say that hadn't been said already, so here we are.

1. In response to the things you thought you could cut: I think unless you're planning for them to not come back at all ever (which seems unlikely? Guards are everywhere, and the tree house is literally Buck's home), you should keep them. Yeah, maybe it's not pertinent right now that we know about Buck's home life and history, but it's definitely going to come up, and now is as good a time as any.

Plus, it's good to know more about how the city is set up, and what it's like. That kind of information is just fun to know, and I think the greater setting, beyond whatever room/space an important plot-related-scene takes place in, is important for creating a context in which the story takes place.

2. I'm not sure how much you need to explain about Buck and Pires's usual manner of speaking/interacting with each other. You dedicate a sentence to explaining that they typically have a bit of back-and-forth after Pires's line about not having the time for games, but I think it's clear just from that line that she might indulge occasionally, if not often.

Maybe it's only necessary to point out once or twice that Pires is a little off this day, and then let readers work out for themselves that she's in an unusual situation, and therefore acts unusual. Next time we see her, in perhaps a more ordinary setting, we'll be able to go: 'ah, that's how they usually are.'

3. I'm not sure I've ever read a story from the perspective of an established entertainer! It's an interesting place to be in, especially because of the kind of in-world satire that could come out of it. There's just so much potential for a really different kind of world-building and nuance and I'm very excited to see where you take it.

Until next week!
-Vento




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Wed Oct 02, 2019 1:22 pm
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JabberHut wrote a review...



I love Buck so much. He's just so colorful and eccentric, and the clever narration suits him so well. And his pet spidetta was adorable for a spider-like pet that had me somewhat fearful but he was so endearing that I'm giving you a pass because it's perfect for Buck. We're putting my fear of spiders to the test here.

Plus, the freaking treehouse was just simply perfect. The whole to-do getting into the treehouse is just so Buck. I absolutel loved the whole show. He has such a style and wears it loudly and proudly. He has got to be so much fun writing!

I loved the guards and the personalities you gave them. They make quite a pair, and I only felt sorry for Victane having to endure his guard shift with such a stump of a partner. XD I do hope they appear again, though, 'cause it'd be such a waste of great minor characters to never see them again.

Buck and the Duchess have such an interesting relatoinship that I'm sad to have not seen more of it by now. There was enough "they usually do this" or "typically she'd be saying that" that I felt like I'm not actually seeing the Duchess as Buck usually sees her. Basically, it felt like a shame to introduce a character so important to Buck in an out-of-character way, if that makes any sense at all. But! If we eventually do get to see how these two interact normally, then it will be fine. It sounds like they have such a fun comeraderie that I would really love to see it at some point. They seem like they make quite a pair!

In the end, I am SUPER intrigued by this proposal. You did well expressing Buck's jester-like personality react to the Duchess' news so that I could at least get that sense of emotion from him. I look forward to hopefully meeting this prince and see how his relatoinship with the Duchess is! And I'm incredibly curios as to what she'd want Buck for when it comes to a marriage proposal. What an intriguing sense of taste for such a request, but they're so close, it seems, that it almost makes sense.

I like that we're jumping right into things here! Looking forward to the next part! :D

Jabber, the One and Only!




ExOmelas says...


Hey, thanks so much for the review! I was a bit worried that I was being too expositional with Buck telling the reader essentially what the duchess is like, but I also didn't really want to spend too much time in business as usual because I actually felt the pacing was a bit slow. I've had an idea for next week that should temporarily put things back to normal, then throw them into a lot of stress, so we'll get to see a bit of them working as a well oiled team.

Hopefully the spider thing wasn't too bad? Basically I read about a fossil that was found recently that looked like a spider except it had a tail that was probably for sensory purposes, and it just sounded so adorable that I really wanted to use it xD But like, I'm aware most people are quite unnerved by spiders so it might genuinely reduce the enjoyment of reading it for some people.

Thanks again :D



JabberHut says...


Okay, perfect! Yeah, getting that sense of Normalcy in the character's (or characters') life is really good to have, so as long as we veer back in that direction at some point for comparison purposes, it should work out just fine!

OH YEAH this was handled really well. I think I handled Harry Potter 2 worse, and I still read that book about 12 times, so. It was eerie when it crawled up his arm, like it was hilarious as soon as I read "eight legs" I paused for ten seconds to check my surroundings for spiders. XD I think you spun enough adorableness into it though that it just actually feels right and not at all terrifying, which is incredibly important for leading the reader into the right emotions. I wouldn't be too concerned with it yet and just keep doing what you're doing!



ExOmelas says...


cool cool, sounds good :)




As a former (and rather excellent) liar herself, Aru knew that, sometimes, speaking the truth felt like wrenching a thorn out of your side. But doing the opposite meant pretending it wasn't there. And that made every single step ache. It was no way to live.
— Roshani Chokshi, Aru Shah and the Nectar of Immortality