This is so cool.....good job to both of you
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The sun sets over the ocean,
An ocean that blooms across the earth,
Its heart berried so deep into the earths watery crust,
not one will find its heart of water
This earth that we are standing on will fall
if that heart is to come out into the open air.
Our hearts will drift away and will be sucked up,
and in replace of our hearts there will be oceans.
That is filled up with water that purse out as it breaths
but one day there won't be anything like earth,
not even heaven or the heart of the ocean,
the only thing that will be seen
is the streaming water from that oceans heart,
the sunlight will dance on its glory.
this is the ocean that will no longer be touched,
this ocean will only get winder and bigger over the place that is empty.
Hi,
here is a review.
I loved the imagery and the way the poem was written and the meaning of it. I kind of wish that the format of the poem would be a little different as I feel the complicated slanting takes away from the overall power of just the words. The words just spoke to me and opened up an image of a heart filled with water. I also love the flow and rhythm. Its a very deep meaning in a seemingly non deep image that really gives a strong feeling to it. Thank you so much for writing and I hope to see more like this soon.
Hello,
This is such a well-written poem! I really like all the emotion that was conveyed really well from it... and how each line flowed really smoothly together... It's all out just a great poem with amazing imagery! I also like the structure of the poem... I don't really know what it signifies but it probably means something since it's like that.
There are a couple spelling errors that were probably already pointed out. Also, I kept rereading lines 3 and 4. I feel like it's kind of repetitive because in line 3, you're saying "It's <b>heart</b> buried in earths <b>watery</b> crust." Then in line 4, you mention a heart filled with water again. I would recommend maybe just cutting out the "heart of water" from line 4 to make it flow better.
Overall, this is a 8/10 poem... I really enjoyed reading it. I can't wait to read more of you work!
Hello @WildBloomer! FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you, on your amazing work on this gloomy day. I'll try to make this short.
Let's begin:
So out of the whole poem I only saw one thing that really bugged me a little.
Its heart berried so deep into the earths watery crust,
not one will find its heart of water
I love it!
You guys did really great, and i love the staircase effect, lemme tell ya. Lol, there is a few grammar and punctuation errors but either than that its good! I hope you do more of these! Oh and I'd love to do a group one too! It sounds super doper fun!
Anyway....
Keep up the good work!
Sincerely Anma
Hi there! This is a very beautiful poem! I love it. There is one sentence that could use a little editing, and that is this one:
" Its heart berried so deep into the earths watery crust,"
So I'm not sure if that was on purpose, because I can kind of see that. Otherwise, just a small spelling error.
That was all, and just curious about that one line!
Points: 257
Reviews: 27
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