Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
Her and her and her. She took her spider fingers and dug in, like a grubby toddler with Plasticine, and pulled the skin back from my cranium. She’s in there now, nestled in among the folds of grey matter. I feel her there, a lump. Throbbing. Throbbing.
There’s a bottle first, a burn in the back of my throat, then a delirious fog that pins me to my bed, rocks me, spins me out to sea. Up and down. Up and down. She’s still there, rocking with the movement, clinging fast to the whorls of my brain. Throbbing.
Then there’s the click of a lighter, a tube of glass. Smoke, smoke, smoke in my throat, my lungs, my everywhere and godalmightythat’sthegoodstuff. Thoughts bleed and spread and spiral. I think of buggers in the chimney – no, burglars in the chimney, with hot coals throwing off smoke below them, clouds snaking upwards, roasting them in their hiding places. Yes. I’ll smoke her out, alright. I’ll smoke her like a piece of goddamn ham.
But it clears, and there she is. Hunched over my brain, pressed flat against the curve of my skull - my skull, my goddamn skull – like a wet tongue. I bite my own tongue till it burns, till I taste metal. She doesn’t like that. She throbs harder, heavier, squeezing me to pulp.
The phone shrieks, for the millionth time. I reach for it, for the millionth time. My hand stops, for the millionth time. She’s got her fingers in the whateverthehell – my brain bumps and bumps and bumps and aha, yes, I remember: the primary motor cortex. She’s dug deep into the cortex. Deep into the mud, grabbed the roots. I’m the weed in her stolen garden.
I’m the weed. I’m the grass, the dried up stems, the browning twigs. The stuff that catches, that smokes high and black and billowing.
She doesn’t have my left hand yet. I fumble with the lighter. I twist the knurl of the gas ring, and I wait. I wait. I wait.
I’ll smoke her out, I will.
I click the lighter.
In the beginning I was confused because i wasn't ready for sudden action. There are parts of the story i get a little confused on, for example, when you have the merged words. How does the story end, does he die along with the demon? Does the demon find another host?
Overall I really like this story. I love the sensory words that have a clear picture of what was going on.
I was kind of confused at the end, does that mean that the human will light himself on fire just to get rid of the demon?? Ok.... back to the review this was very deep and had some very metaphoric parts. It really spoke to me and made me feel sorry for the possessed human and it made me realize how it would be to be possessed and not have any free will. It’s written well great but the millionth time sentence/s were kind of repetitive and distracting maybe you could switch the wording around, there are quite a few repetitive parts but they add to the story and they add to the anger and the sorrow of the human. Other than that great job!! 
~Cheers!!
Thanks for sharing this depiction of what many would call demon possession. As a reader of course, I felt sorry for the human victimized in this way. I also felt anger about it being permitted. It is an issue which must come to the mind of anyone who either personally experiences this type of abuse or else is a witness to it. I also wondered if the woman had done something to bring this about such as practice witchcraft, participate in seances, use Ouija Boards, trying to speak with the dead, or other paranormal activities that are known to open the channels to the spirit world and make humans susceptible to unclean spirit, fallen angel, demon harassment.
Also as a reader I had to conclude that the victim is not a Christian since a Christian would never believe that tobacco smoke is the solution to the problem. instead a Christian would know that such an entity can only be expelled via appealing to a higher power in the name of Jesus Christ.
After all, Jesus easily forced those demons out of people and all they did was cringe and beg in fear whenever they saw him approach.
Matthew 8:29 ►
"What do you want with us, Son of God?" they shouted. "Have you come here to torture us before the appointed time?"
Luke 11:14
And He was casting out a demon, and it was mute; when the demon had gone out, the mute man spoke; and the crowds were amazed.
Matthew 8:16
When evening came, they brought to Him many who were demon-possessed; and He cast out the spirits with a word, and healed all who were ill.
Metaphorical masterpiece. Though I'm unsure of whether is describing a hangover, the need to smoke, drugs, schizophrenia, or all of the above. Eather way it does an amazing job of describing mental adversities. I like the metaphorical toddler in your head. An amazing way to describe a hangover. The annoyance of a phone is communicated with just the right amount of "ahhh the light! the noise! my head is filled with water and weights five tones! Ahh, its coming back up!"
I don't know if the chimney and smoke reference refer to nicotine but I'm gonna go with it.
They say the value of art is held in the eyes of the beholder. If by some strange happenstance you did not intend this to be metaphorical and wrote this literally you found an accidental gold mine. Although its to artfully created that I would have a hard time imagining it's not metaphorical.
The only technical error I found is diction for "plasticine". I don't know if its different in where you grew up but I was so unfamiliar with the brand that I had to look it up. I'm not sure where you were born but if your audience is East Coast USA then you might consider switching it to play or clay. (only because it ruined the flow for me, having to look it up and all)
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I just reread it and found that my mind skimmed over some of it... I feel like a fool now. Doubting its message. My mind started to skim after the first paragraph. The story does not evolve fast but that not a problem. The line that made it click more than anything was "Then there%u2019s the click of a lighter, a tube of glass."
I know its the start to a paragraph but somehow I still missed it. I don't know how you can focus more on revealing statements like that without getting too literal. Eather way I love this story, it's more like a pro if you think about it. Eather way this site is almost out of replies to your works. Your profile says your 20 and this story is going over a lot of peoples heads. Almost went over my own (more to my own lack of concentration).
I have to say, I really likes this flash-fiction story! I had to write one for a school assignment recently, and it was hard for me to fit an entire story with a set limit to how many words I could write to form a story. This one is really intriguing. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this story, but I think this is very well-written.
There's not many issues that I found with this piece. Maybe because I'm not the best reviewer, and I tend to pick more on grammar than anything else. But I think the only thing that kinda threw me off was:
"The phone shrieks, for the millionth time. I reach for it, for the millionth time. My hand stops, for the millionth time."
You don't have to listen to what I'm saying, but I think you didn't have to write "for the millionth time" after the first time you used it. It sounds repetitive to me, but maybe there's a reason you included that. I'm sorry. I'm extremely bad at reviewing and analyzing literature and writing.
Hopefully this helps a bit!
I wasn't sure about the 'for the millionth time' bit. The repetition was deliberately done for emphasis, but I wasn't sure if it worked when I wrote it, so I'll definitely reconsider changing it.
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