Cullen dove behind my grand piano as I darted behind a rack of guitars. “I’m gonna get you!” he growled, throwing another paper ball at me.
“Oh no you’re not!” I giggled in reply, throwing several back at him.
He scurried out to get more paper balls as I pelted him with several before diving behind my production setup for better shielding.
As footsteps quickly approached the wall behind me, I curled into a ball and squeaked “Mercy! Please!”
With a laugh, Cullen vaulted over the wall and, (barely) clearing the soundboard, he scooped me up. “You know, we should go out tonight,” he laughed, standing me on my feet. “Me, you, Ana. It’s not every day you release an album, after all.”
“Grammy nominations come out in three weeks, we can wait until then,” I returned, and he groaned.
“Lauren. Come on. Your first album, we threw a huge party.”
“I remember. I’m just not a party animal wild child anymore.”
“Hard to believe. Even on no drugs or alcohol, you were the life of the party.”
“People change, Cul,” I sighed. “Me included.”
All of a sudden, my phone started buzzing like crazy, and I pulled it out of my pocket to see notifications galore from Instagram.
(laurenslife): asheraxton has sent you a message!
(laurenslife): asheraxton has sent you a message!
(laurenslife): asheraxton has sent you a message!
(laurenslife): asheraxton has sent you a message!
(laurenslife): braydenaustin has sent you a message!
(laurenslife): tristanwilder has sent you a message!
(laurenslife): tristanwilder has sent you a message!
(laurenslife): tristanwilder has sent you a message!
I groaned.
“Body count?” Cullen asked.
“Ash, four, Bray, one, Tris, three,” I answered.
“Are you going to answer any of them?”
“Probably not.”
My friend sighed and faced me. “Lauren, you can’t hide forever,” he told me, for what seemed like the millionth time since he’d come here a month ago.
“I don’t need forever. I need until I’m ready,” I came back.
“And what if you’re never ready?”
“Then we both have to move on with our lives, like normal people.”
“We both know you can’t do that,” he stated, holding my eyes in a steel-like gaze. “You two have too much between you two to leave things like they are.”
I wanted to take his challenge, to say that I could just walk away and leave things with Asher where they were and never do anything about it. But I knew that Cullen was right - even after leaving and not talking to him for a year and a half, I still loved him. I could never walk away from him, and I knew that he could never walk away from me.
Dropping my eyes away from him and pivoting on my back foot, I sighed. “You’re right. I can’t and won’t move on, and things between us will change, for better or for worse. I just...don’t want them to change right now,” I told him.
Cullen wrapped me in a hug. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise,” he once again assured me. “You two just have to talk things out.”
I nodded and opened my phone to instagram, posting a picture of my album, Wandering Soul.
cailinedenmusic: this came out today. I hope you love it. So much of it is me and the people who have influenced me as I’ve spent this last year and a half off by myself. Love to all the beautiful people out there who put up with that weird American girl who spoke your language but was otherwise clueless about you and your lives, but that you loved and built a relationship with anyway. Brazil, Colombia, China, France, Italy, and Norway, I love you with all my heart. xx Cailin
Cullen took my phone out of my hand, switched over to his account, and liked my post. “Nice caption,” he told me. “Now if we can’t celebrate tonight, then can we at least go into town for lunch?”
I smiled. “Why not?”
“Can Ana come?”
“That was agiven.”
“Just checking.”
I laughed as we descended the stairs to the main level, where I stopped him at the end of the stairs before running and jumping on my friend, who was stretched out on the couch asleep.
She bolted up with a squeal. “Lauren!”
“That’s my name,” I replied, sitting on her legs and stretching out. “Can I get a foot massage?”
“Ewww, no,” she answered, pushing my feet off of the pillow she held and onto the floor.
“Well, if you won’t do that for me, then how about you come to lunch with me and Cullen?”
“Are we giving people foot massages while we eat?”
“Uhhhh...no?”
“Sounds good. I’m in. Just let me brush my hair first,” she agreed, and the two of us stood, me returning to the kitchen and perching on the stool next to Cullen while Ana ran up and got ready.
“Sounds like she agreed,” he remarked.
“No dip, Sherlock,” I bit back, rolling my eyes.
“Woah, tiger,” he laughed. “Easy there.”
I simply rolled my eyes again and leaned back against the kitchen island.
“I still think this island looks like Madagascar.”
“Really, Cullen?” He was referring to a comment he had made a couple weeks ago, when he told me that my island resembled the island of Madagascar. I had been understandably confused, but he pulled up a map, and, with it, argued once again that my stone countertop was in fact very similar.
“Yes, and I proved it to you.”
“But is it really that relevant?”
“No, but it’s worth noting.”
“I hate you.”
“Love you too honeybun.”
“Shut up.”
“You know you’d hate that.”
Ana chose that moment to reappear, taking the steps two at a time and bouncing into the kitchen. “Everyone ready?”
I shot one last quick glare over at Cullen before standing. “Yep.”
The three of us made our way out to the car and I slid into the driver’s seat as Ana claimed the shotgun seat and Cullen clambered into the back.
I started the car while Ana turned on the radio and plugged her phone in. “As much as I love you, Lauren, I’m tired of hearing your album,” she told me, turning on Fall Out Boy.
“As much as I love me, I’m tired of hearing my album too,” I replied solemnly.
“Why is there Fall Out Boy playing?” Cullen asked.
“Because they’re awesome?” Ana defended, in a tone that implied he was an idiot.
“True,” he conceded, and we spent the rest of the car ride singing and dancing along to the band’s hits, both old and new.
When we arrived in the small town, I parked on the edge of the town, and we walked in towards the center of the village. Reaching the restaurant, we placed our orders at the counter and then chose a table outside.
It wasn’t long before our mindless small talk was interrupted by vibrating metal. I picked up my phone and saw a single notification from Instagram.
(cullenpierce): asheraxton has sent you a message!
Sighing, I unlocked my phone and handed it to Cullen. “It’s for you.”
He took the phone and opened the message before typing out a reply and sending it. “He was getting worried about me.”
“Why?”
“Ever since you left, he gets really stressed out about people he cares about if they...vanish, I guess, for too long.”
“Clingy much?”
“More like he’s scared to lose anyone else, probably,” Ana chimed in. “Cullen’s told me a bit about you and Asher...he’s probably scared of someone else he loves leaving.”
I groaned inwardly. “Can I have my phone back?”
“Are you sure you want it?”
“Yes.”
Cullen handed my phone back to me, and I noticed that he had left it up to his conversation with Asher. Scrolling through quickly, I noticed that most of it was just the two of them checking in with each other. I noticed how much Ash cared about Cul, and it made me ache to switch back to my account and message him, apologize for everything, to run back to him.
However, I suppressed the urge, settling instead to post a snap of the empty chair at my table on my story, captioning it with a simple “if only….” The message would be clear enough, but it would also drive me crazy.
When our food came, I ate it listlessly before pushing back my chair and walking over to the fountain across from the restaurant. As I slipped a single coin into the water, I made a wish. If this is worth anything, I thought, I want to be with Asher again.
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