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Leave But Never Return part 3

by Cyber_Cs


"Tssk! Tssk!" Mariet clicked her tongue.

"We cant have any servants running away. Now for a punishment we will have to put you in 3 inch heels for a week. Also a couple extra massages. Now a couple kisses on my feet, for another punishment."

"What!! Are you insane? Im not putting my lips to your foot!"

"Yes you are! Yarnin!"

A large man came out of a closet. 

"You called ma',am?" 

"Yes. Show this servant why he has to do what i say." Mariet said with a smile.

So the large man picked Alex up and started to shake him.

"Okay! I think i get the picture!" Alex said as a wave of nasiua hit him. He sat down at the little stool and picked up Mariets foot. As he pressed it to his lips she started giggling. Groaning, he did it a few times. 

"That's good. Now since you woke me up, rub my feet to put me back to sleep." 

Alex again began to rub.It seemed like hours but finally he could stop.

The next morning Mariet pulled out a large pair of heels. Groaning he tugged them on.

"Where going to go shopping today." Mariet sherieked happily. Now in the sun light, Alex saw How beatiful she looked. They both set out for a mall. As he walked he saw a lot of men and boys following girls and women. The women where all very beautiful. 

"Come on." Mariet said. And he carried on. As the shopping went on his arms got heaver. By the time his arms were hurting they went back.

"Hey, after that i think i need a foot massage cause my feet are really tired." 

Funny thing he was sorta used to it by now. So kneeling down he started doing his duty. 

This sorta went on for a while until one day,

"Hey Alex, I think im in love with you!" Mariet said.


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75 Reviews


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Reviews: 75

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Sun Aug 25, 2019 8:53 am
Asith wrote a review...



Your casual/cartoon-comedy tone is actually pretty funny to read, surprisingly. It's never the type of tone I'd use, but I'm glad it works for your story.

A piece of advice would be to perhaps stretch out your time? Your story is already incredibly short as-is, so rushing through it doesn't seem like the best idea. Look at this:

Alex again began to rub.It seemed like hours but finally he could stop.

The next morning Mariet pulled out a large pair of heels. Groaning he tugged them on.


You've got a section of time that felt so long that the main character said it "seemed like hours" and an entire time-skip to the next morning in just two successive lines! Remember, this would take seconds to read, so it's terribly difficult for the reader to feel like that much time as passed. Of course, filler for the sake of stuffing filler isn't necessarily a great idea, but considering this scene is such an ordeal for the main character, it wouldn't hurt to focus on it, describe it, and bring out the main character's feelings some more!
The same can be said for this:
This sorta went on for a while until one day,

Bland timeskips like this are, more often than not, a cop-out and leave the reader wanting more.

Keep writing though! Interesting or funny ideas are more important than perfect technical proficiency if you ask me :)




Cyber_Cs says...


Thank you. I was going to write a 2.5 To fill in the blanks.



Cyber_Cs says...


Do you want more



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329 Reviews


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Reviews: 329

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Wed Aug 21, 2019 3:16 pm
Dreamy wrote a review...



Hello there!

I was just wondering if all your chapters going to be this short? I understand that you're only still developing an idea but it'd be nice to see more narration and story, you know what I mean? Rather than just a snippet and with a cliffhanger ending. It's funny and all but it'd be nice if there's more.

So Alex got caught? I thought the last chapter ending with him jumping out the window before Mariet woke up and called out his name or asked him what he was doing? I thought she was yelling out the window AFTER him. But this chapter has him back with Mariet. It would be nice if you elaborated on that. I'm pretty sure you'll come up with something just as funny.

Few typos:

"You called ma',am?"

"Yes. Show this servant why he has to do what i say."


Ma'am. And the "I" should be captalised.

Where going to go shopping today."


We're instead of where.

That's all for now. How come Alex has just accepted his fate and is going along with it? Does he have a plan? Isn't he even a little bit curious of his surroundings? A lot of questions probably be answered in the coming chapters. And Mariet loves Alex? That was fast! haha.

Keep writing!

Cheers! :D




Cyber_Cs says...


Do you want more



Dreamy says...


Sure! :D




Be led by your talent and not by your self-loathing ... everything beautiful in the world is within you.
— Russell Brand