Hey there! I thought I'll leave a quick review before moving on to part three.
I read part one and I must say that I was really excited to see a time travel story. I was worried about Will though, he seemed so excited to time travel that he didn't even realise that he might miss his brother and his dad, and then I saw the genre: Humour! Of course, he didn't care about not coming back to his family! lol.
And I agree with Dottie. There were some typos that made it hard to read through. But since the premise of the story was so funny that I was able to ignore them for time being. Also, as of now, this does read like a rough idea/first draft so it's all okay, I guess. But if you're going to make a novel out of this idea, I'd suggest you to proof read before posting here so the readers would comment on the story than nitpick. These nitpicks are avoidable as well if you proof-read them that is.
For example:
"Ok its time to sleep so im going to crawl into bed and once this light turns of stop rubing ok?." So he did it took a while for her to fall asleep but she did. And with that, he opened the window and jumped out. "Hey what are you doing?" busted. It was Marieta.
"Ok," said Marieta, "It's time to sleep so I'm going to crawl onto the bed and once this light turns off stop rubbing, ok?" So he did and it took a while for her to fall asleep but she eventually did. And as soon as she fell asleep, he opened the window and jumped out. "Hey, what are you doing?" bursted Marieta behind him.
Or something like that, I also noticed that you've not really elaborated on the atmosphere of the scene. Like, where the girls were sitting, how the whether was and how different the future is from the present (The feminist joke was a nice touch, haha) and all.
Otherwise, good job! Keep up the good work!
Keep writing!
Cheers!
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