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Vermillion

by CorvusQueen


They called me V.

We fought side by side,

For the cruel mistress who made us.

You shone blue,

Like the lights below the synthetic atmosphere,

And I was indigo,

Like the river in the night.

  

Then we broke free,

And we saved the world.

But you told me the truth,

And I hated you.

You still gave yourself to save me,

I guess you really loved me.

  

Now I fight alone,

For peace and law.

The skyline still shines blue,

But I am crimson,

Like the river the night I lost you.

They call me Vermillion.


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425 Reviews


Points: 22240
Reviews: 425

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Thu May 09, 2019 9:01 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a few this to say about your poem on this lovely day, and to help get your poem out the green room.

Okay let's start.

So over all I think this was a really well written poem, everything went really well and it was just amazing.
I really like the name you chose for your poem, it drew me in right away, I new I had to come find out what it meant and I'm glad I did. This poems flow was great, there was no spelling mistakes, and everything was perfect.

The way you started your poem was a brilliant idea.

They called me V.

This line just got me ready for the story that was about to come. It was a really good way to get your readers interested more than they already were. All through the poem was good, the story you told with your words was just amazing, I felt like I was there with those people. I really liked the words you those to use, it just made everything even better than it already was.
And the way you ended your poem was really good, it told you readers that the story has come to an end in a good way. So amazing job.
One more thing I would like to mention. I really like it that you added a little description into the poem, that a good idea.

Well that's all from me, I'm really glad I got the chance to come and read this work along with reviewing it. It was a great joy. I hope you will post again on YWS soon. Never stop writing and have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




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26 Reviews


Points: 29
Reviews: 26

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Thu May 09, 2019 5:46 am
seekingthetruth wrote a review...



what I liked about it was war theme because you could go in so many directions withit and you chose to talk about a soilder who lost a friend I mean it is orginal but you twisted it with the rhyme scheme - not many war poets use a rhyme scheme because it ruins the atmosphere of the war theme. but you did it with style and executed it perfecetly.


I mean this would be the part where I would point out the mistakes and how to improve but I cant see or think of any its a really emotive and at the end you bring the poem back to where it started that's quality.


one question what is vermillion did you make it up?10/10




CorvusQueen says...


Vermillion is the name of a shade of red. thanks for the review!





oh cool great



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35 Reviews


Points: 58
Reviews: 35

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Wed May 08, 2019 4:21 pm
CorvusQueen says...







Who, being loved, is poor?
— Oscar Wilde