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Faces

by CorvusQueen


Walking in the park you see,

Faces passing by.

Happy, sad, old, and young,

Faces in the sky.

   

A million faces

In the world.

A million stories,

Together curled.

   

I am to you

Just another face,

Another competitor,

In this ever-flowing race.


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15 Reviews


Points: 45
Reviews: 15

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Sun Jun 02, 2019 6:07 am
demoncat wrote a review...



Demoncat here reviewing.

I really like this poem. It has a nice flow to it. It's short and sweet. And it's got just enough sassyness. I do really love this though. You are a really good author and I hope to read more poetry. And I like how you ended it. Saying it was like a race. It was a fun little read. And I enjoyed it.




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114 Reviews


Points: 781
Reviews: 114

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Fri May 17, 2019 12:47 pm
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Bellarke wrote a review...



Hey, CorvusQueen!!! It is me, Bells, to help repay a review to you! :)

First off, Let me just say, I love this, it was unique, and really easy to read. I loved how you formatted, and layed out your words. It caught my attention and kept it the whold time. And your choice of words put a clear image in my head.

Problem #1 :

I say a few minor problems, and most of them are just picky stuff from me, and you dont have to use any of them if you don't want to.

First stanza:

Walking in the park you see,

Faces passing by.

Happy, sad, old, and young,

Faces in the sky.


In this stanza, you dont necessarily need so many commas, unless you really want them. And the third line seems a bit choppy to me, it may just have been the way I am reading it.

Second stanza:


A million faces

In the world.

A million stories,

Together curled.


One thing I saw in this was the capitalization of all of the first words, weather it is the start of a new sentence or just a continuation of the line before it. I really saw this in all of the stanzas, but this is just where it stood out to me, because this stanza was perfect other than this.

Third stanza:


I am to you

Just another face,

Another competitor,

In this ever-flowing race.


Once again, with the capitalization thing, and there is just... a bit of confusion in this stanza for me, it just changes a little bit, but if i read this alone, it would be amazing, it would make more sense.

Overall:
I loved this, it made sense, and was easier to read, and to understand than most. I loved this all together, though it could have been a bit longer.

I hope this didnt sound rude.

Keep writing,
Bells




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425 Reviews


Points: 22240
Reviews: 425

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Fri May 17, 2019 9:30 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello! It's I FlamingPhoenix here with another review for you on this lovely day, and to help get your work out the green room for you.

Okay let's start the review.

So out of the whole poem, there was only one thing I saw that needed to be fixed, and it was only a small mistake.

Happy, sad, old, and young

It's just a small grammar mistake. You see you don't need to comma between old and, and. Because you have the and there.

Other than that this was a really well written poem, and quit true to. I really like the meaning and story behind it, I have met many people in my life, so what you said here really spoke to me.
I think the choice of name was also really well done, it was what made me come and read your work. And to me that is a good sine, because that is what the title is meant to do. And it also went well with what the poem was about.
Your spelling and punctuation was good, that small grammar mistake didn't make the flow of the poem bad, so the flow was really good.

Over all this was really well written and I'm glad I got the chance to read and review it. I hope you will write more and never stop, and post more on YWS soon. I hope you have and amazing day or night.

Your friend and faithful reader.
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




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8 Reviews


Points: 369
Reviews: 8

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Thu May 16, 2019 10:00 pm
BailorAsh wrote a review...



This poem was interesting. The rhyme scheme is well-executed, and the ending brings a sort of closure to the poem that was nice to read. My critique would be to change the words "Happy, sad, old, and young" for more descriptive words that are more fun to read. However, if simplicity is one of your goals in writing, keep the words as they are. Overall, I enjoyed reading this.





cron
Morning without you is a dwindled dawn.
— Emily Dickenson