Young Writers Society

Hey LordStar!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review to this chapter! Alright, let's get started.

So I like the words you've used here. And the structure you've used for this chapter is also quite different; I've never seen anything, and by anything, I mean anything at all, like this. It's very nice, and I love it. You've described everything well and good. It's great, and I love it! Just hold on a sec, though. There was just one thing that I'd like to point out.

now without you and without the heroin all i can do is pick apart my brain

A'ight! Time to beat Querencia by reviewing a lot (though they haven't reviewed since July) and your piece is on my list (obviously, lol, I asked for it)

First of all, honey, whoever they were, they're not worth it. They're not. ;-; Sorry if that's offensive. The caffeine that I just had is getting into my head lmao

So of course, this review also might not be super uuu easy to understand sometimes. Caffeine does very strange things to my brain :/

So this is about drugs and things, right? And maybe about a person that, when they left, had you start doing drugs? People suck, by the by, Jace. They're not worth it It's quite confusing underneath all of the screaming and drugs and broken things and chunks and gore~ D yay i love me some gore unless it's self stabbing) and everything.

Dang, I don't really know how to approach this any other way because wow, this is just raw ramblings from a serious screwed-up dude... no offence Jace. Glad that you're getting better, though!

I don't think that there's much to pick at this, since I'm not very good at reacting to things this deep and stuff. I think that my only big thing is that it's flowy in some places where it could be choppy. I don't say this very often, but I think that this should be even more choppy than you have made it, to really enhance the chaoticness (if that's a word) of the piece.

The reviewer down below also covered everything else that I was going to say, so I guess that's it... sorry it's so short!

Have a fantabulous day!

this review was brought to you by zaminami, goddess of all and queen of the underworld

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@Cloudkid,

First of all, woah. Not only did I find your poem "Supernova" fiercely consuming, but the self-denigrating imagery alone is enough to make one recoil in disbelief and awe.

I loved how chaotic each stanza was, each time saying something new. However what I failed to understand was your twitter reference in comparison to a modern plague.
"like I am the modern plague and it's all they can live tweet about. It's so popular it has a Twitter moment"
What did you mean by this?

When you compared the unnamed subject of the poem to a drug, it felt as if, whoever they were, took something from you but simultaneously gave you life. This depiction of a toxic connection and the "impromptu dissections of who you're supposed to be", are my favorite parts of the poem as they are almost like snapshot's of the narrator's pain. (very dramatic!)

I know this isn't much of a review, but hey. I very much enjoyed reading it and writing this, and wish you the best of luck on any poems to come!

Gloriana