z

Young Writers Society


16+

These Brilliant and Beautiful Lies: Ch8

by crossroads


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Reiner paused on the bridge. The wind had gotten cold, and now tugged at his coat; he felt the tiny drops of some faraway rain prickling against the exposed skin of his face and neck.

He closed his eyes, blocking out the distant voices of some other Captors making their way home. The Gathering this year attracted more people than usually — after all, even Sazhey had decided to make an appearance. Reiner took a deep breath, thinking back at their conversation.

A Storyteller, he thought, opening his eyes. The city below the bridge, with its little lights on the rooftops and an occasional privately owned ship docked by the chimneys, felt comfortably hazy. He licked his lips, still tasting the bitter sweetness of the drink.

He had to somewhat admire Arcus for getting his hands on a Storyteller. If he really managed to get them to the Palace, it would no doubt be worthy of a rune ring. Perhaps one on each hand.

Perhaps a Council’s mask. Reiner frowned at a small ship departing from a tall tower to his left, following it as it made its way towards the horizon. Arcus had given up the chance of becoming a Councilman the moment he pledged to give his service to the skies. However, if he was to convince the Storyteller to tell the Council he’s meant to join them… They would believe it. Reiner would do it in his place — and they’d gone through enough of the same training for Reiner not to doubt Vane’s convincing skills.

He licked his lips again, keeping his lower lip between his teeth for a longer moment this time, as he turned to head on towards the house. It was still dark; Brinn had probably been asleep for quite some time. He closed his eyes again as he walked on, counting the steps for what must've been the billionth time. Nine hundred and twenty three — a few less on a good day, a few more on a night such as this one. He'd reached nine hundred and thirty seven, and had just taken out the keys to his home, when someone's hand touched his shoulder.

His fingers curled around a dagger. The familiar cologne was the only thing that stopped him from turning and sticking the blade into whosever neck had foolishly decided to find itself at arm's length. The wind mixed with clean scent of cedar under the harsher notes of valveris flower: Reiner knew only two men who chose the combination — and he'd seen one of them die half a decade ago.

"Rykon," he said quietly, not opening his eyes.

"Long time, Reiner," the Captor replied, Reiner's name rolling off his lips with a particular accent. He opened his eyes and turned to meet the other's. Rykon stood closer than he'd thought.

"I'm your superior now," Reiner said, sharply but with no heat behind it. "Perhaps you should start addressing me as such."

The older Captor slowly grinned. “Deepest apologies, Sir.” His hand squeezed Reiner’s shoulder. “I’ve heard the whispers. My boy, soon to join the Council.” His eyes shone behind the mask. “‘Who would’ve thought’, I’d say, but when it came to you…” He trailed off.

“Are you saying you’d known ever since you first saw me?” Unlike the older Captor, he kept his face impassive, but the bitter, sweet warmth still lingered in his throat and on his lips, and he couldn’t hide amusement from his voice when the other man nodded. “I was ten years old. No Order-abiding citizen should be able to tell such things so far in advance.”

Rykon chuckled. “Arrest me, then.”

“Perhaps I’d rather hear what brings you here.”

Rykon gave a light shrug. “Another student.” He gestured back towards the Palace. “I saw you walking home, and, well… I could’ve been dead and rolled by the wind, and I would’ve still managed to catch up with you.”

Reiner turned to face him fully, turning his back to the door. He had been around the same height as the older Captor for years now — and yet, he still felt shorter.

“And why exactly,” he asked, knowing the answer, “did you want to catch up with me?”

The other’s hand left Reiner’s shoulder, thumb tracing his collarbone instead. “I was hoping you’d be willing to consider some company tonight.” His eyes narrowed. “But then, you seemed quite taken by Superior Sazhey earlier… perhaps I’m hoping in vain.”

Reiner smirked through a sigh. “Superior’s charms are only matched by your own, but no, I have no interest in pursuing anything of the sort.”

Pursuing,” the Captor mocked, “I had nothing quite as long-lasting in mind.”

Reiner’s back touched the door. He kept still as Rykon’s hand came to rest on his hip, sending shivers through his skin.

Rykon still wore the same thin gloves Reiner remembered, a ring tight on his left middle finger. Reiner focused on the subtlest of patterns on the Captor’s sleeve; it twisted into itself as Rykon took a step closer.

I can teach you all these things, and more.”

“More?”

A nod. “Things other than fighting and orders: charm; touch; eye contact. Words that get further than any weapon every could.”

Rykon kissed him and he responded in kind, closing his eyes against the flashbacks. Why those thoughts, now? Enough time had passed since he’d heard those words, for a whole generation to be born and graduate.

Fingers brushed against his mask, and he pulled away, gripping the other’s wrist, heart pounding.

“What do you think you’re—“

“You removed it the last time.” Rykon’s voice was soft, soothing, and commanding all the same: a trick not unfamiliar to Reiner himself, and yet still one that tugged at his strings.

Last time was a moment of weakness, he bit his tongue not to say. Moments of weakness could not happen — not to him. Not then, as he had allowed Azrie to escape, and most certainly not now.

“Try to remove my mask again,” he hissed, “and I’ll have you executed.”

Rykon’s smirk grew darker. “You will do no such thing, Sir…” He gripped Reiner’s chin, just a touch too tightly to be considered gentle. “I still have your little brother to teach.”

A vaguely familiar feeling tugged at Reiner’s stomach. He opened his mouth to reply, but the older Captor kissed him again, and he gave in and closed his eyes. Of course he wouldn’t have Rykon executed — he was the best at what he did.

“Brinn—“ He paused. Something was wrong. He licked his lips, and his tongue came back tasting like sand.

“Rein?”

“I—“ His words were heavy and dry. A bittersweet note still tickled at his throat, but he couldn’t remember why that was worth noting. Something prodded his thoughts, something important. He grabbed onto Rykon’s coat, staring at the pattern. It was alive— or it seemed so, brightly coloured and dancing off the fabric and into the night.

“Run away with me, Rein.” Azrie’s voice was low, muffled further by the covers.

“You’re a traitor.”

“I need you—“

“It’s alright.” Rykon’s voice, again. The Captor’s hand was around his shoulders now, and he was helping him in. Reiner squinted at the lock as the key turned in it, and it took him a moment to realise it wasn’t his own hand holding it.

“Poison,” he muttered, “in the…”

“Yes.” Rykon helped him enter and more dropped than assisted him onto the sofa in the salon. The pillows were soft and cold against his skin. He felt hands removing his shoes and coat, and realised the older Captor was still talking.

“I gave you an order, Apprentice.”

Reiner blinked. “What?”

“I said it wasn’t poison,” Rykon enunciated. There was a clank of glass against wood, and something draped over him.

“Did you…” Words failed him, and he sighed, unsure if his eyes were closed or open.

“It’s a test.” Rykon’s voice — or was it his father’s voice?

Father is a Councilman, Reiner thought.

“He’s also dead, Rein.” There was a barely discernible note of something in the other's voice. Concern? Cold fingers brushed against Reiner’s forehead. “You’re in for a difficult few days, and then you’re to report to the Palace.” A tug at his hair, just as the pillows started growing around him. “Understood?”

He nodded into the pillow. “Report to Palace. Yessir.”

Another sound, one that it took him a while to place. Footsteps?

His hand moved to the dagger under the pillow, but it wasn’t there. He pushed up slightly, only enough so to look at the room, and swallowed. His mother stood ready and calm as always, Council’s mask silent and serious. His father’s dark-red attire of Senior Captor nearly blended with the darkness.

“Get up,” Father said. “The Academy awaits.”

°


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
235 Reviews


Points: 2200
Reviews: 235

Donate
Fri Apr 21, 2017 2:43 pm
inktopus wrote a review...



Hey Child. I'm almost done catching up on your chapters. *pause for applause* Yay! Anywhen, let's jump into it.

The wind had gotten cold,

Be wary of weak adjectives. I'm only going to point it out once; you know what you need to watch for.

The Gathering this year attracted more people than usually — after all, even Sazhey had decided to make an appearance.

You seem to like your dashes an awful lot. There's nothing wrong with using one occasionally, but I'd say to tone it down, as the casual reader might notice it.

However, if he was to convince the Storyteller to tell the Council he’s meant to join them… They would believe it.

Ellipses in the middle of a sentence. I hate it when they're used this way. It's just painful in my opinion.

The older Captor slowly grinned. “Deepest apologies, Sir.” His hand squeezed Reiner’s shoulder. “I’ve heard the whispers. My boy, soon to join the Council.” His eyes shone behind the mask. “‘Who would’ve thought’, I’d say, but when it came to you…” He trailed off.

This piece of dialogue seems really awkward and disjointed. It was strange to read and hard to follow.

I didn't find many problems with this chapter, Reiner is developing quite a lot, but be a bit more wary of the whole 'repressing memories' thing, it's a cliche way to develop your characters and foreshadow. I see it a lot, and it always bothers me. Both Reiner and Azrael have this issue. I haven't noticed it as much in Brinn.

On to the overarching plot. There still isn't a clear plot. Eight chapters in, and there still isn't an obvious problem to overcome. There are clearly issues with the council, but by now I feel like we should already know what is so obviously wrong, and the solution or goal should be hinted at. Focusing on three different POV characters could be slowing this down. I get that you might hate to do it, but in edits, you may have to pick a single POV character just to get things moving more quickly.

You know where to find me if you want to talk or have any questions.

~Storm




User avatar
472 Reviews


Points: 25
Reviews: 472

Donate
Thu Apr 20, 2017 1:56 pm
Lightsong wrote a review...



Hey, I'm here to review! Just so you know, I've read all the chapters, and consider me as your biggest fan. I wish to see this finishes to an end! :D Alright, let's get into this.

The Gathering this year attracted more people than usually — after all, even Sazhey had decided to make an appearance.


I don't think 'after all' is needed here when there is 'even'.

If he really managed to get them to the Palace, it would no doubt be worthy of a rune ring. Perhaps one on each hand.


This is intriguing. I'd love to read an explanation on this, since I remember the woman Brinn encountered wearing a ring. I wonder what it does say to a person's status.

However, if he was to convince the Storyteller to tell the Council he’s meant to join them… They would believe it.


This confuses me. I understand Vane/Arcus could use the Storyteller to tell the council members he wants to join them, but I can't be sure by what mean. Is it just by simply stating it, or does it involve using her ability to reset back time or something?

Nine hundred and twenty three — a few less on a good day, a few more on a night such as this one. He'd reached nine hundred and thirty seven, and had just taken out the keys to his home, when someone's hand touched his shoulder.


This is weird. xD I don't know why he'd do that, and how since it seems to me counting your step and being aware of the surrounding at the same time is a difficult step. And ooh, we're moving to the good part (I've read this, actually, but for this review, I'm reading it with a magnifying glass).

whosever


whoever's?

Rykon gave a light shrug. “Another student.” He gestured back towards the Palace. “I saw you walking home, and, well… I could’ve been dead and rolled by the wind, and I would’ve still managed to catch up with you.”


This part doesn't tell me much... but I guess I can guess the student either practices magic or does something defying the Palace/Academy.

The other’s hand left Reiner’s shoulder, thumb tracing his collarbone instead.


*starts fanning myself* I remember you warning this might have some sexual references, but I'm not expecting them to be this kind! I approve! (y)

I notice all these hot stuffs are happening in front of the Reiner's house, so I'm interested to know why they're okay with showing all of this. Perhaps homosexuality is accepted in this world? o:

Enough time had passed since he’d heard those words, for a whole generation to be born and graduate.


The flashback is effective in shedding a light on Reiner's past, but I'm not sure how long since he has this flashback -- 'a whole generation to be born and graduate' seems very long, perhaps 20-30 years? o.o Which makes Rykon more like Reiner's uncle and this whole thing not sexy and hot. Perhaps my definition of 'generation' differs from yours.

“I still have your little brother to teach.”


Perveeeeeert, but I like his character. I hope I have a Rykon in my life to teach all these things. <333

“I—“ His words were heavy and dry. A bittersweet note still tickled at his throat, but he couldn’t remember why that was worth noting. Something prodded his thoughts, something important. He grabbed onto Rykon’s coat, staring at the pattern. It was alive— or it seemed so, brightly coloured and dancing off the fabric and into the night.


Wtf has Rykon did to Reiner! The first time I read this chapter, I skipped over these not-sexy descriptions and were left puzzled, but now I can see how things went the way they were. Whatever Rykon did, the higher-ups must have something to do with it, and now I'm not so sure his affection/interest on Reiner is as genuine as he shows it to be.

“Run away with me, Rein.” Azrie’s voice was low, muffled further by the covers.

“You’re a traitor.”

“I need you—“


It's interesting to see how this flashback is drastically different and disconnected from the first one. I wonder what triggers Reiner to have this during his making out session with Rykon. It seems weird to me he'd have this thought, but perhaps the poison/not-poison-according-to-Rykon has something to do with it? Or perhaps there's something about this whole situation that brings his subconscious to think of this thing... in some way.

Rykon helped him enter and more dropped than assisted him onto the sofa in the salon.


Rude! >:[

The third flashback is also confusing but not because of its appearance in the chapter, but rather because I don't know who said it. Most probably Rykon, but it can be someone else, I can't know this for sure.

I don't understand what Rykon says about Reiner having a test because I'm not sure if the latter needs one. What does the test for? I guess it has something to do with what Rykon says after that, about 'he' being dead I think 'he' refers to Vane, and Rykon is given a task to eliminate all the potential suspects who caused his Vane's death. The problem with my theory is that, even if it's true, I'm not sure why Reiner's one of them because he obviously has an alibi that saves him from being suspected -- he wasn't there.

I guess I'll just have to follow this novel to know.

At the end, I can assume that this whole poisoning thing is to make Reiner's actions slow (since it doesn't stated he faints before his parents arrive)... which doesn't make sense much? I mean, if his job is to go to the Academy and report to the Palace, he could do that without being tricked, couldn't he? I'm not sure, perhaps his parents want to make sure he doesn't resist against whatever they're planning for him in the Academy/Palace.

And that is all! I love Rykon's playfulness and sexiness, and I dislike how he ruins his hot scene with Reiner. *sigh* Another time, I guess. I think this chapter tells us something new about Reiner while moving the plot forward in a bit confusing way. Keep up the good job! :D





cron
"I think; therefore, I am."
— René Descartes