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Young Writers Society



These Brilliant and Beautiful Lies: Ch2

by crossroads


The masks on the wall seemed to stare back at him.

Brinn knew their order and their meanings by heart: the pale blue-grey that Father wore for the Isdian trials; the elegant, platinum-decorated that Mother had visited Caer with before Brinn was born; the matching white-and-red set their parents wore for their wedding thirty years ago. Dozens of others, their empty eyes a reflection of what they’d witnessed.

They were Captors’ masks, ones that covered the upper half of the face, issued by the Palace of Justice to be worn at specific occasions. And in the middle of the wall, where Brinn always tried not to look, hung the two masks of the Council: big enough for the whole face, indigo-silver and black-gold, fitted respectively for Father and Mother. They were the masks they died in, peered from their faces, with no opening for their mouth and sending shivers down Brinn’s spine whenever he’d think about them.

“You’re going to be late.”

Brinn turned. His brother stood in the doorway, with his customary silver-grey mask and in his always-perfectly-neat uniform, arms crossed.

“I’m sorry,” Brinn said, walking towards him. Reiner moved to let him pass, and then followed closely behind.

“The Masters don’t take kindly to students who don’t even bother showing up on time.”

“I know.” Brinn frowned at him. “I said I was sorry.”

His brother said nothing as they walked out and across the bridge connecting their house with the Palace. One of the twelve identical mansions, as Brinn remembered from his lessons, the Rose residency was built in one of the highest levels of the city, specifically intended to host a Council member and their family. Out of the twelve, it was also the only one currently not occupied by a Council member.

Not that it’s very far from that, Brinn thought, watching his brother where he strode besides him. Reiner wore the uniform of a Senior Captor, so dark red it was often mistaken for black, with his knives tightly strapped to his thigh and a rune-engraved ring on each of his thumbs. Only the Senior Captors were allowed that, Brinn knew: the rings were a symbol of a dedication to the Palace and the Council’s gratitude for past services, and an attempt at stealing one from a Senior Captor was as bad of a crime as practicing magic in broad daylight.

“Down the stairs, the door to your right,” Reiner said, pulling Brinn from his thoughts again. They stood on the bridge, half-way to the Palace, where a winded staircase lead towards the northern entrance to the Academy.

Brinn swallowed. The building, shaped as a stylised pyramid and with three sharp towers on its top, stood as quiet as the Palace itself, its windows darkened and the Varien flags by its doors the only thing moving.

“Are you going to be there?” He asked, giving a shy glance to his brother. Reiner was far from a comforting presence: but he was a commanding and a respected one, and — provided he’d admit Brinn was his little brother — perhaps a way for Brinn to ensure a little bit of supremacy over other students.

“At the ceremony?” Reiner smirked. “No.”

“Ah.” Brinn’s teeth found his lip and chewed on it. “Will you be home… when I come back?”

“I don’t know.” There was a faint tone of irritation in his brother’s voice, one that told Brinn to stop asking questions and head down the stairs to do what he was supposed to do — and he’d learned well enough, in his eleven years of sharing a roof with his older brother, not to push that tone any further.

~

“Sabrin Rose.”

Brinn stood up from where he sat on the narrow bench. He glanced around him — at the small sea of white-robed students his age, all seated under the hall’s high ceiling — before making his way down his row and up the few steps to where the Masters awaited. In their dark purple robes and identical black masks covering all but their eyes, the three Masters of the Academy stood perfectly still.

“Sabrin Rose,” the Master to his left repeated. They — by voice alone, it was hard to tell whether it was a man or a woman — held a gold-plated notebook and a quill in their hand. “Is that the same ‘Rose’ as Elcanor and Leanra Rose, of the Council?”

Brinn nodded. “Yes, master. They were my parents.”

“Both deceased,” the Master to the right remarked. “I assume without a doubt, in that case, you are familiar with the rules of the Academy and the conduct of the Palace of Justice?”

Brinn licked his lips. This was something he’d been listening to his whole life — something his brother had just repeated not an hour earlier, before Brinn went to see their parents’ wall of masks.

“There are eleven rules of the Academy, and the sacred codex to guide the Captors and the Councilmen,” he recited, and paused, unsure. “Do you… want me to list them all—“

“If you knew them all,” the Master in the middle cut, “you’d know better than to be the one asking questions.”

Brinn felt his cheeks blush. He’d made a mistake, already. And his brother was already annoyed; if he found out…

“Forgive me,” he whispered. “I forgot my place.”

“Don’t forget it again.”

Brinn nodded, eyes on the floor, and tried not to squirm. He’d promised himself, walking down those endless stairs, that he’d be brave, meet their eyes and speak in a full voice. Barely five minutes into the entrance ceremony, and he’d already broken all of those promises.

“I am Master Kirie,” the one in the middle said. “I will be expecting you here at dawn with the rest of my class. Return to your seat.”

Brinn complied without another word, and made it his mission to stare as calmly and quietly in front of himself as he could for the rest of the ceremony. It continued, with the Masters calling names and other students stepping in front of them, for what felt like hours.

“I’m in Master Kirie’s class too,” a girl whispered next to him, as the Master on the left closed his notebook. Brinn glanced sideways: she was taler than him — not much of an achievement — and blue eyes under blonde curls danced with excitement. She smiled as she met his gaze. “Robinette. My family just moved to the city, a week ago, right before I turned eleven, just in time for this.”

Brinn thought back to the education he’d already been through: the private tutors who taught him a bit of every subject; the visiting academics, old friends of the family, who’d quizzed him every time they’d pay a visit to the Rose residence; his brother and his lessons on poisons, that left Brinn bent over a bucket for days on end until he figured out most of the antidote ingredients. This girl, whose name he’d already forgotten, was new to life this close to the Palace — she wouldn’t last a month.

“Call me Brinn,” he said, with a smile that hid every last of his thoughts. “Welcome to Varien Capitol.”

*


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1272 Reviews


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Tue Feb 28, 2017 12:57 am
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Rosendorn wrote a review...



Hey Aria. Haven't read any previous parts. Just going off what I see here.

This was uncomfortable to read, I have a vague dislike of the MC, a general vague dislike of all the characters, really, and I can't wait to see what's next.

The worldbuilding is positively puzzling, and I'm intrigued by it while at the same time feeling like either I missed something (very possible, considering this is chapter 2) or you're just going along the lines of putting stuff in there and you'll figure out how and where to explain it later. Either way, I'm not sure if there's quite enough in here, but I have enough of a gist I'll let it slide. So long as you generally build up something and give us details in context like this, you should be fine.

Vague dislike of the MC I'm actually thrilled with, because this guy is obviously a character at the start of a story. There isn't much in the way of actual skill in him, which (hopefully) means we'll get to watch him develop from a starting place instead of having to meet somebody who has life all figured out and gets thrown into the mixer then. It helps the character is 11. My expectations for his internal dialogue and ability to stick with anything is fairly low.

The girl I'm vaguely curious about. I found it fascinating the guy viewed her with scorn, indicating that despite his uncertainty he has a very prideful streak. I can't tell if he'll be right about the girl, she's secretly brilliant, or she'll be just another kid who hacks it out fine. I can't tell which one I'd prefer. I do feel that if she keeps up with the class at about an even keel, we'll need some explanation. The fact she's introduced so brashly makes me almost more interested in her than the viewpoint character, and I hope we get to see a little more of her.

All in all, this was relatively engaging. For a chapter 2 I'm surprised at the amount introduced, and I'm wondering what chapter 1 involved that such a beginning point is put comparatively late in the story. The way everything was described made me squirm along with the character, which is a plus.

Hope this helps. You know where to find me.

~Rosey




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Mon Feb 27, 2017 10:50 pm
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inktopus wrote a review...



Hey, Child! Storm's here to do a review as promised, so let's jump right into it!

Before I note anything else, I just want to say that this length of chapter is ideal. I know you don't like having to split your chapters up, but this is so much less daunting to read and review.

the elegant, platinum-decorated that Mother had visited Caer with before Brinn was born;

I think you're missing a word after platinum-decorated. Probably mask.

Dozens of others, their empty eyes a reflection of what they’d witnessed.

I see what you're trying to say here, but I don't think it works. If the masks' eyes are empty how can they reflect all of the things they've seen? It would make a little more sense if the masks were worn only in bad times, but from what I can tell, they weren't. There were wedding masks and festival masks, things that are usually happy occasions. I just don't think that this line makes much sense.

They were the masks they died in, peered from their faces, with no opening for their mouth and sending shivers down Brinn’s spine whenever he’d think about them.

Not only is this sentence a bit of an info dump, it doesn't make the most sense. I'd definitely rewrite for clarity.

an attempt at stealing one from a Senior Captor was as bad of a crime as practicing magic in broad daylight.

So they can practice magic, but just not in broad daylight? I just wanted to point this out in case this wasn't what you meant.

The building, shaped as a stylised pyramid and with three sharp towers on its top, stood as quiet as the Palace itself, its windows darkened and the Varien flags by its doors the only thing moving.

You need a better description here. The building is clearly unique and it seems like you have a pretty clear idea of what it looks like in your head, but I didn't get a very clear picture from what you have written here. What does 'a stylized pyramid' mean? How would that look? You just need a more developed description here.

“Will you be home… when I come back?”

Why the ellipses? They don't seem very necessary here.

she was taler than him

Typo, I'm assuming. It's taller.

“Robinette. My family just moved to the city, a week ago, right before I turned eleven, just in time for this.”

So Brinn's eleven? I was wondering how old he was. I don't know if this is a good way or a bad way to introduce his age, because it's pretty far into it before we get that information. However, you included it in such a way that it isn't like "This is Brinn. His parents are dead. He is eleven." So maybe it would be better if you could incorporate it into the story earlier, but this is still a pretty good way of introducing Brinn's age. Also, if Brinn's eleven, how old is Reiner.

“Call me Brinn,” he said, with a smile that hid every last of his thoughts.

I think you're missing a word between last and of. If you don't like the word 'bit' you may want to rework the sentence.

Overall, this was pretty okay. I know this isn't as high as the standard you usually hold yourself to, but it was still pretty solid. There were several places where your description wasn't as strong as it usually is. I also found a fair bit of awkward wording that can be fixed in editing sessions later, I just wanted to let you know to look out for that. You know how to contact me for any clarification. I'm always happy to help.

~Storm





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