Young Writers Society

I complete agree with snoink as regards the whole 'blog entry' comment. It's nice and I know you're trying the whole 'taking a stand' thing, and I support your opinions, don't get me wrong, but they're so regurgitated. These are the things normal people say when they talk about homosexuality and discrimination, but you're not a normal person, you're a writer. You want to convey these opinions in a different light. Be artistic, be more creative, you don't need to decorate the thing with fourteen letter words, but let the words you do use have a strong impact. Let them be fresh, powerful and from your heart's imagination. Otherwise I might as well just look up opinions online, but what I want to see is beauty.
Keep writing..

Yours in ink,
TS.

Hi!

First of all, I want to point out a typo!

"You see people sexual attraction with both sexes."

I think you're missing a verb?

Anyway, on with the poem!

I really like how you're speaking your mind on something which is clearly important to you! Poetry and art in general should be about making a stand and saying things that ought to be said -- even when things can be difficult to say!

With that said, it looks like you're so concentrated on making a statement that it doesn't seem... very artistic? If I were to take out the line breaks, it would look like a very passionately written blog entry. Which is fine! But I'm not sure that is what you're hoping for with a poem. The best poems have a conflict or a story somewhere wrapped into the poem. This just seems to have some statements that you want to have known. So, I'm not sure if the poem is really the best medium for you!

Maybe you can expand the images of the first stanza? You can talk about the virgin (honestly, when I heard "virgin dying" the first thoughts of my mind were religious folks) and describe that person a bit. You can give more depth of the men and women who are kissing so that they are not cardboard cut outs. That way, that can give them some humanity, which would help humanize them and make it easier to empathize with them.

Just some ideas! Feel free to play with them as you will.

Hey Captain! I'm not here to review, but briefly explain why this poem does not work.
Perhaps my starting line should be: You better check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Like others stated before me, this is a very hypocritical poem. You're incorrectly labeling and accusing many people, and you don't know any of them personally. What's hypocritical is, that's the argument you're making here: you don't want people to be that way towards people of the gay, lesbian, and other sexual orientations community.
Yes, I respect your belief. You believe everyone of any sexual orientation should embrace who they are. They don't deserve to be ridiculed and discriminated. And you have every right to believe that. I too believe nobody deserves discrimination for who they are. It's wrong.
The way you portrayed your belief was the hypocritical part. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I've been watching YWS take aims at each other all week. I haven't unfollowed, avoided, or bashed one person on this site who supports gay marriage. I say nothing about your avatars, because you have every right to use them! I respect. I respect. I don't condone the hate towards gay marriage either; the way they expressed their arguments was incorrect. Please go back and rethink the way you want to word your message.
This poem bothers me.

This is for the author only.

Okay, so I haven't reviewed in quite a long time, but I really felt I should give you an honest opinion. Let us begin!

My thoughts about the poem:

Extremely readable! The flow is effortless, words are easy to understand, and the message is crystal clear. You boldy put out your thoughts and the poem grabbed my attention from the word go!

About the content:

Now this is the main problem. You're bold here, but not necessarily comforting. The biggest problem of this poem is its "holier than thou" treatment. There are lines in this poem which attack a community without even understanding their belief system. I'll give you two quick examples.

Example 1:

Well people, if it bothers you,

then you must be homophobic.

This looks more like a hate speech. You're actually contradicting the message of your poem when you use such lines. A poem which is trying to bridge the hate between two communities should be treated with a lot of heart and compassion. By calling them "homophobic" you're increasing the hate between them.

We need more of that in this world.

We need less of followers and haters

Same problem. What exactly do you mean by, "less followers and haters"? Yes, some religions don't accept homosexuality. But when you go around bashing their beliefs, calling them blind followers and haters, you're undoing the entire cause of this poem.

this poem had emerged because of the us govt. announced gay marriage legal. have i got it correct!i love the questioning pattern does it bother u. this way of questiong puts a negative pressure on the line and shows that all that same gender lovemaking is nothing to be so bothered about. i myself believe it that as long as one sex does not forces the other sex or same sex person to have a relation or compulsively get phisical with him, there's nothing to be worried about.then the point u held is good that in this world person dont feel safe for their own sexuality, it is needed that people come up as their own sex and not follow any trend or hate and class of people. ausome poem.

Hello, I'm dark.
I've gotta say, this is an interesting, yet kind of hypocritical poem you've got here. Whether these are you now opinions, or you're just trying to put something out there, overall message is pretty clear. If someone doesn't agree to those kinds of acts, that doesn't mean they should "go somewhere else" as yo put it. It also doesn't mean they're "homophobic" or a "follower/ hater". Again, you may have been trying to convey a less troublesome message, but either way your word choice was really poor. Just like you believe someone shouldn't ostracize those who are not considered straight, those who are okay with it shouldn't go out hating those who don't. That makes THOSE people haters and followers. Just think over your views before you get upset at those who don't agree. The poem isn't terrible, but I didn't enjoy reading it at all for those very reasons.

~The dark one.

If people having their own opinions
whether it be disgust or not
and you are against it,
saying that they
"shouldn't feel bothered"
and how they are against
people being themselves,
that is a string of hypocrisy.

So, if it bothers you,
then go somewhere else.