Young Writers Society

Heya, Liz! Cas here for a short review!

Anyway, I would say that I liked this one a bit better than I liked your previous chapter. I especially liked the ending of it with,"I should probably get back to work and make sure no one has burnt down the house by now." I honestly laughed a bit at that part, so props for that.
Anyway, the character is still getting to me and I can't really get into it. She's making me think she's a bit upiddy, if you know what I'm trying to say here. Meaning she's giving off the vibe that she might think she'ss better than everyone else. But then again you did say she wasn't, but I'm still thinking that's what she's like. It's the phrasing, yo. It's just not my style.
One thing I didn't like, again, was the length of it. I think your chapters keep getting shorter and shorter and shorter, and I dunno why.
Anyway, overall I think that you have a pretty good plot idea that could become a pretty good story if you take the time to edit, nurture, feed, let it grow, harvest the idea, etc, etc, etc. You get what I'm trying to say. If you wanna stick with the character that's fine, it's just not my style or preference. The plot is strong, and I think you're getting what YOU want out of the characters.

Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.

Your battle partner, Crowley

Hey this was good but it kid of felt short to me. You should make the reader kind of guess what's going to happen next instead of telling us what's happening. I think you could of made the accidents a little more descriptive and more accidental I guess you could say. I didn't see any misspellings but I will check again. Other than that it was really good. Make the things happening more structured and a lot more descriptive. Also make the other characters involved in the story other than the main character.

Anyways,
Keep writing!
~Danielle

Hey this was good but it kid of felt short to me. You should make the reader kind of guess what's going to happen next instead of telling us what's happening. I think you could of made the accidents a little more descriptive and more accidental I guess you could say. I didn't see any misspellings but I will check again. Other than that it was really good. Make the things happening more structured and a lot more descriptive. Also make the other characters involved in the story other than the main character.

Anyways,
Keep writing!
~Danielle

After some brief reading, I think I've figured out what my main problem with this work is: it feels more like a summary of things than an actual work. All of these sound epic on paper--I mean, the Elves battling the Romans? Ghosts popping out of picture frames? Probably the craziest Christmas to occur in forever? A bestseller. But see, you don't sell it to us; you just tell us what happens. It's such a shame, because I think you could describe all these events to catastrophic extents.

But anyway, this chapter. Nice title, by the way.

I found it interesting that it turned out the previous chapters were all dictation, which still brings up the problem I mentioned in the last chapter. However, the writing format proves better in my opinion--it's more structured, everything makes a little more sense, though it could use a lot of description. And none of your colorful characters besides the main character has said anything worthwhile. I'd like to see these characters interact in creative ways, because that's the main draw here. However, it seems that we're only treated to brief descriptions of what's happening. And if you're wondering: no. This is not too crazy. In fact, it's too sane for its own good. Come on, it's elves battling Roman armies. Make it crazy.

Hope this helped,

--EM.