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flowers 1.2

by CaptainJack

i have to ask, as i sit here across
from you, do you know what you
do to me?

that for each time i look into your
eyes, i want to see them again
and again.

if i opened my car door right now,
would you climb inside? with a
promise: i'll take us on the ride
of our lives.

there's some love in my heart
simply for the reaper who
opened the gate and led me
all the way to you.

a lack of guidance as i crossed
the sky of simple dreams, pull-
ing me to you with the wish of
meeting you sooner rather than

i hope the forces of fate will
push us further together.

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17 Reviews

Points: 1011
Reviews: 17

Tue Oct 29, 2019 8:07 pm
erinr05 wrote a review...

You write very poetically and beautifully - I love your style of writing.

Just as a small criticism, I think that if the starts of lines/stanzas were capitalised it would be more professional and readable.

I like the idea of fate and outside forces bringing the two people together, and the hesitance the narrator shows. The longing to be more confident is quite relatable.

The idea of fate is beautifully presented, and, again, the idea of outside forces show how the narrator is destined to love this person.

I like the phrases "lack of guidance" and "sky of simple dreams".

You're really creative, I hope you continue to write :)

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91 Reviews

Points: 4914
Reviews: 91

Mon Oct 28, 2019 6:46 pm
WinnyWriter wrote a review...

Hello, it's WinnyWriter! This is a cool poem. I can obviously see that the narrator is expressing hidden feelings for a special person. This reflects the ever-common experience of young humanity. I also like how you used word pictures that make the reader think and imagine.

I will offer some constructive criticism and say that you have like no capitalization whatsoever. Putting forth the effort to add that important detail will make your poem more readable, as well as making it look more professional, if you ask me.

You have a skill with creativity. Keep on spilling out your beautiful inspirations!

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79 Reviews

Points: 1923
Reviews: 79

Fri Oct 25, 2019 5:23 am
dahlia58 wrote a review...

I can almost see the romantic longing present in this poem. What I found most interesting is that fact you refer to whatever has lead the speaker to fall in love as a "reaper." It feels as if he or she's "doomed" to be in love. Or maybe "fated" is a better word. I also enjoyed the "car door" line, as it indicates very well how assertive the speaker wishes he or she could be in front of their object of affection.

I do wish the speaker luck in his or her pursuit, personally speaking.

User avatar

Points: 87
Reviews: 4

Sun Oct 20, 2019 8:49 pm
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bkk99 says...

this made me start thinking about my ex. about what could have been. you write very beautifully, and very poetically. your last two lines are forcing me to become introspective, so thank you for that :)

"The adventures I enjoy are usually of a literary nature."
— Henry Winchester