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Young Writers Society


18+ Language Violence Mature Content

How Do You Plead: 9.3

by Brigadier


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Winslow didn’t say anything.

Winslow couldn’t say anything as he set in the hallway holding one of his oldest, dearest, and surviving friends. There had been other people along the path - ones that hadn’t been quite so young and annoying. But they had all passed away, and they included his partner and they included Reggie’s partner. The detective and the spy were two lonely fags that survived a war just to come out on the other side with no one to love.

“I know,” Reggie repeated once again as he sobbed into Winslow’s shirt and the detective held him closer and closer to his chest.

Winslow softly stroked Reggie’s hair and quietly said, “I know. I know it’s hard but we need to go back in there and finish the interview.”

Once more Reggie murmured, “I know.”

The detective carefully pulled Reggie away from his body and leaned the spy up against the hallway wall. Winslow was slowly realizing that he had gotten to a point in his life where he would need to walk the line alone. With all of the rumors going around about the mysterious ritual killings…

He bent over Reggie, pulling a second handkerchief out of a hidden pocket.

“Reggie, I’m going to leave you here to catch you breath while I go talk to Sean.”

Winslow straightened himself up and straightened his tie. These were two of the few details about himself that he could straighten out. His hand was resting anxiously on the door knob, taking half his strength to give it the quarter turn and enter back into Mr. O’Keefe’s quarters.

As he passed through the threshold, he addressed the interviewee by saying, “Mr. O’Keefe, I’m sorry to keep you waiting for so long.”

The detective’s polite remark got no response upon his entry. He looked around the room for a moment with no sign of the butler. It took another round of glances for him to notice the light shining out from an adjoining room and he stepped towards the door, gently knocking on it.

“Mr. O’Keefe, are you alright in there?”

He didn’t hear anything on the other side. Winslow was just starting to walk away when he noticed the draft under the door and that there wasn’t even the sound of crying. He dropped to his knees to look through the crack in the door and was met with a puddle of blood on the tile flooring of the presumed bathroom.

“Sean! If you can hear me, stop what you’re doing right now and put your arms above your head!”

The detective banged on the door first with his fists and then shoved it open with his shoulder. He slipped on the puddle of blood as the door flew open. Winslow was immediately met with the sight of the butler propped up against the side of the bathtub, his skin pale as the blood dripped down from multiple cut marks.

Sean softly murmured, “I could hear you just fine, sir. When you arrived here, you two had just interrupted my plans.”

“Sean, it’s not too late,” Winslow stated as he wrapped his arms around the butler and tried to hold the man up. “There’s still time.”

“Detective, have you ever lost the love of your life?” the butler softly asked.

“Yes. Yes I have.”

Winslow held Sean up while he thought about Reggie waiting in the hallway. This was the third time today in five hours that the detective had had such a deep talk about lost loves and wanting to end it all. He knew in his heart that there probably wasn’t time for the butler, but as a solder he had seen too many people die on the battlefield.

Sean leaned closer into Winslow’s already damp, tear and blood soaked shirt, crying as he whispered, “I’m sorry you had to experience that but at least you know my pain.”

“I do know your pain, Sean. Just use that to stay awake a little bit longer until we can get the doctor here.”

Winslow felt Sean’s pulse drop as the deafening silence increased in the room. The butler fell over as the detective rose to call the ambulance. He didn’t know quite what to do with the body because it felt wrong to live Sean lying on the bathroom floor. The policeman in him told him not to move the body but instead of propping the body up against the tub, he decided to place the man inside of it for the time being.

“Winslow, what the hell are you doing? Did you kill him?”

Reggie walked into the bathroom right as Winslow was starting to lift Sean into the bathtub.

“I didn’t kill him, Reggie. He killed himself.”

The spy stood in the doorway probably looking down on Winslow’s blood covered body. Winslow knew that the whole situation was probably suspicious.

“Reggie, go call the squad room and the medical examiner.”

Reggie was still silent as Winslow sat Sean back down on the ground. The detective stepped away from the body, walked past the puddle of blood and commented to Reggie, “Or you can put Sean in the bathtub while I go call emergency services.”

Winslow ran quickly out of the room and down the stairs, looking for a phone in all of the obvious places. He didn’t find one until he arrived in the kitchen, quickly leaning against the counter to settle his voice and trying to remember the correct phone numbers.

“God damn it Winslow. Calm down,” the detective whispered to himself.

His first call went out to the squad room where he quickly explained that there had been a development in his case and one of the suspects had died. That conversation ended with the desk sergeant say that he would send a patrol car along with an ambulance and a few crime scene detectives.

He sighed as the call ended and he tried to find the courage to dial up Brian’s home phone number.

Winslow rehearsed his lines a few times while the phone rang, knowing that Mrs. O’Reilly would probably answer it first. To his surprise, the voice on the other end on the line asked, “Winslow, who have you killed now?”


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User avatar
58 Reviews


Points: 4312
Reviews: 58

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Tue Jun 02, 2020 4:16 pm
quitecontrary wrote a review...



Hi CaptainJack!
I’m just dropping by for a quick review. The build-up of suspense towards the end was great, and I definitely wasn’t expecting that plot twist. The scene in the beginning was also well-written, and coveted a lot of emotion towards the reader. Here’s just a couple of quick comments on your piece:
“Winslow couldn’t say anything as he set in the hallway holding one of his oldest, dearest, and surviving friends.” — “sat” instead of “set”

“Winslow straightened himself up and straightened his tie. These were two of the few details about himself that he could straighten out.”
This metaphor is really cool and tells the reader a lot about Winslow, but I think you can rewrite it so it's a little less wordy. — “Winslow pulled himself up and tugged at his tie, willing his life to straighten out along with it.” — Just a suggestion, you can use it if you want.

“He didn’t know quite what to do with the body because it felt wrong to live Sean lying on the bathroom floor.” — “leave” instead of “live”

Overall, I think this is a cool concept, and you did really well portraying Winslow’s character throughout the piece.
Happy Writing!




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174 Reviews


Points: 3050
Reviews: 174

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Sun May 31, 2020 1:33 am
JesseWrites wrote a review...



Hello,

Things I Like:

Dialogue is pleasant to read through. It is human like and realistic. I read it and imagine a person chatting in real life. You're talented in that aspect of writing as well as others like detailing characters.

Things I Dislike:

The use of strong language, but that's just my cup of tea. I prefer clean as I'm young at heart, so I kind of feel against that. I am not turned from the story line though. That's very good and I can't not like it.

Grammar:

He knew in his heart that there probably wasn’t time for the butler, but as a solder he had seen too many people die on the battlefield.


Soldier? I believe that what you meant.

This review is brought to you by,
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fun fact i hear my evil twin once wrote a story about a hacker who used the name fyshi33k bc there are 33k-ish species of fish and she liked phishing so fyshi-33k made sense but then she got super embarrassed when someone forced her to explain
— VyperShadow