z

Young Writers Society



Hot Boiz

by postmalone


The new boy's head disappears into a cluster of laughing students. I dodge students in the same direction.  The high school's hallway swallows him up and he's gone. I sigh internally. New boys are hot in general.

.

As I walk back to my classroom, I think of him. Tall, raised brown hair. Grey shirt. Sand-colored pants on. I make a mental note to look for him before the day ends. He must only be a few years older than me.

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My teachers' voices drone on and on throughout the day. I barely pay attention to them, or my friends. When one of them asks me what's wrong, I reply with a smile and say boys. Their quizzical looks don't stop my daydream.

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The end of the day comes later rather than sooner. I head out of the school building, starting my walk home. Gazing around, my eyes fall on New Boy. I speed up and calmly settle in step with him.

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"Hey! I'm Emma," I say, beaming and offering to shake his hand.

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"Cameron," he assures me, and his steady hand shakes mine. I'm never washing this hand again. Oh. Crap. Brain, what are you doing? No. No. This is not a crush, you pink mass! Simply a new boy who's hot and has a great smile and perfect brown eyes, tall, and available from what I can see. He really looks perfect -

.

"Emma?"

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"Hmm? What?" I'm shaken from my daydream and turn to his smoldering expression.

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"I asked how old are you?" He chuckles.

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"Fifteen," I say. "And you?"

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"Nineteen. Senior year, so you must be a freshman."

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"Yeah I guess that's true." I smack my brain with brain cells. Stupid. He's too old for you.

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We talk for a bit and I'm surprised he's still going my way. So badly do I want to slip my hand through Cameron's and intertwine ours together. My house shows up at the end of Airport Road. The hot boy is still walking next to me, matching my strides.

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Wait, didn't the house next door have neighbors moving in two days ago?

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"That's my house," says Cameron, pointing to the green-and-white house. The new neighbors.

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"Woah. I'm right next to you!"

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"Well yeah, you're walking with me!" He jokes. "But seriously? I got a cute chick for a neighbor?"

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His response makes me blush and he boops my nose as we stop on our lawns. He turns next to me. His breath has but the nice scent of peppermint. "Want to walk together on Monday?"

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I'm still caught up in his luscious touch. "...Oh, yes of course that would be absolutely perfect. I mean, yeah, sure bro. See - meet - you there..."

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The tall boy laughs. He tells me I'm cute, and gives me a quick hug. "If you need me, I'm right besides you."

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Then he's gone. I can't walk straight with a ear-wide smile back to my porch.

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~The Next Day~

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My parent's friends, Larry and Stella, come over with three little grandkids trailing with them. It's Saturday afternoon and we're having a picnic with their buddies. "Emma! Come help set the meal up!" my mother yells.

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I trudge downstairs in a light mood. Maybe I can hang with my neighbor instead of these people.

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The meal gets cooking, and my parents are inside the house prepping it. Larry and Stella wait outside watching their grandbabies have fun. I slip by, and run smack into tan abs.

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"Ow," comes a muffled voice.

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I blush twelve shades of embarrassment and look downward as I stumble back. "Hey now, don't be shy. I smelled delectable food, and thought there's no way anything can be more desirable than a certain neighbor of mine."

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My heart swells, and his hand lifts my chin up. I'm not that much shorter than him, but he seems like a beautiful Prince here to save me from the boring life I live. Without warning, Cameron dives to the grass and tugs my hand with it. I collapse next to him, catching my breath as we struggle for a giggle.

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We're just out of view of the adult supervision when I ask why he likes me.

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"What d'you mean, Em?"

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"Look at me. Actually, don't. I'm all fat and imperfections. Nothing perfect about me. I don't understand why I'm cute all of a sudden."

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"Hey." He's silent for a minute. "I don't care about chins or fat or flaws. I care about you." Cameron snuggles next to me and sits up, watching the little kids. I do the same, resting my head on his shoulder. I start running my fingers on his smooth chin, and he leans in closer so I can feel his perfectness more. The action makes me smile.

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Then, as I'm watching the kids, I feel two fingers running down my calves. My legs have cuts over them, four long cuts that I don't know how they got here. Hot Boy asks what happened. I shrug and tell him we should snag some food for ourselves. 

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As I walk to the white table where food is laid out, Larry comes over to me. "Emma! I haven't seen you in awhile! How are - my goodness. What on earth happened with the scars?"

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I ignore how booming his voice sounds, and say, "I'm really not sure, Larry. It'll be fine."

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"Nonsense," he continues. "I bet you'll need to go to a hospital. And my, look at your knee! All red and inflamed. You really need to check that out dear!"

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Inside, I groan. "Excuse us," says Cameron, and we walk back with food he grabbed. I'm happy to escape the situation.

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~Night Falls~

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"Mom? Dad? Can I go say goodnight to my neighbor?" We're just watching TV with a meal, like always. I don't have a reason to stay and watch a soap opera or basketball game.

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"Sure." Not a question or argument to it. I leave my dishes in the kitchen and make my way outside. 

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Cameron's there waiting for me. I walk up to him, and snuggle in his warm chest. "I'm so glad you're my neighbor."

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I hear his beautiful heart beating. He tells me the same. 

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"Hey, so are you looking for anyone to be with at the -"

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I'm cut off by a deep kiss. Cameron takes my head in his hands and kisses me passionately. My short, wavy brown hair blows in the soft breeze. My blue eyes close as I kiss him with everything I've got and my back archs up to reach his handsome face. 

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"Goodnight neighbor," he says with an alluring smile. 

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"Goodnight, Hot Boy."


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494 Reviews


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Sun Jul 17, 2016 4:11 pm
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Holysocks wrote a review...



Hey there! How about a review?

I love how light this was. I really needed something sort of carefree and spontaneous today! You did a pretty good job of simply telling what you wanted told- which is good.

I speed up and calmly settle in step with him.


I find this a little amazing. I know maybe one girl that would have been brave enough to just walk up to some guy they thought was cute and introduce themselves- on the street. And she was a little bit manic. My point is I find this action very forward of your character that seems pretty shy at other times.

"Cameron," he assures me, and his steady hand shakes mine.


We don't "assure" people when we tell them our names unless the person was confused about our name and they got it right- THEN we'd assure them. But this was out of place. Don't be afraid to use simple he/she/they said dialogue tags. Other dialogue tags like breathes, screams, muffles, chirps, ect just bog the writing down because we have to read something we already know- in writing you can generally tell what the dialogue is suppose to feel like based on the scene and characters feelings and what's being said- we don't need to be told, believe it or not. It can be hard to get out of that mentality though- I still catch myself writing "whispers" from time to time. But although it seems like it creates more variety in the writing, it's just telling us something we already know.

The tall boy laughs.


We learnt his name was Cameron pretty soon into the story, but the MC keeps referring to him as "tall boy" or "hot boy" and it just feels rather unnecessary to me. I know that that's kind of the theme of the story- what with the title and ending and all- but calling Cameron "hot boy" really doesn't impact us at all. Readers don't fall in love with characters for their looks (how could we? We can't see anything), we fall in love with them for their personality. Which brings me onto my next comment.

We didn't have a lot of time to get to know your characters, and your characters didn't have a lot of time to get to know each other! Literally all we know about Cameron is that he's handsome (according to Emma) and he lives next to Emma- and he's four years older than her!- and I'm not going to play the "OMG HE'S WAY TOO OLD FOR HER" card, because I've totally been there, and age doesn't really matter when you're older, but when it's at this age you kind of get this feeling like is he just taking advantage of her? Because really, the story and romance progresses so fast that the characters don't even have time to fall in love. They talked all of once - a very short conversation I might add - and the next day they're rolling in the grass together...? Sadly it doesn't work that way. I'd suggest slowing this piece down a bit, let the characters get to know one another, let us get to know them (maybe Cameron invites Emma to go bowling with him and his sister or something?). I still hardly know anything about Emma, even.

Larry and Stella wait outside watching their grandbabies have fun. I slip by, and run smack into tan abs.


We weren't introduced to them as Larry and Stella when you first mentioned them, so it felt a little odd when you threw their names in there like that- it's a bit confusing at first, I found myself thinking who's Larry and Stella..?

"Look at me. Actually, don't..."


I thought this was funny! It shows us a bit of what Emma's humour is about, which I absolutely love! Try to do more like this- really show us her character. This line later on also made me a bit sad because so many people - especially teens/tweens think they're not attractive. I have seen the most beautiful people down in the dumps because they think they're ugly and it breaks my heart.

"Mom? Dad? Can I go say goodnight to my neighbor?"


Would you ask your mum and dad this? Would they say yes without looking at you funny? Somehow I doubt it. Parents are a rare breed that can smell fish MILES away from the ocean. They're always suspicious of anything that may possibly be suspicious. Just think about it. Everyone's parents are different, though they all seem to have this suspicion though.

Anyway, nice job! I hope you keep it up!!! ^_^

-Socks




postmalone says...


Actually....what you pointed out happened in my dream. Check my wall



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Sun Jul 17, 2016 3:38 pm
anonymous123 wrote a review...



hey there, you had me blushing and smiling the whole time i was reading it. the story is cute like the protagonist. although i liked the description but a review is not complete if you don't say something to make it better. i would have liked it even more if you would describe a bit more about the cuts. also you did not describe stella and larry and why you had to mention them. there was a bit of confusion around the area of the appearance of the cuts. how did she get them? is there a sequel? makes me wonder. as for the emotional description i could never manage to write something so well described. the excitement and butterfly feeling were infectious. like i said i sort of had a crush too while reading it;-)




postmalone says...


Actually no idea.. It was in my dream. If I dream more abt Cameron Dallas I'll write more :)



anonymous123 says...


cool. i'd be waiting :-)




I wouldn't think "impossible" was even in your vocabulary.
— Sharpay Evans, High School Musical