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Young Writers Society


18+ Language Mature Content

Marble Lungs / Draft 03 / Ch. 1.2

by FruityBickel


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

The day passed by in mostly a blur, until with relief Rhys found himself sitting in a chair in the back of Mr. Black's classroom. They were going over Hamlet, one of Rhys' favorites of Shakespeare's. Having read it already, Rhys put his head down and went to sleep.

"Mr. Hartman."

Rhys stirred a little.

"Mr. Hartman. Rhys." A hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. Rhys sat up slowly, eyelids fluttering open. The classroom was empty; Joe Black was waking him up. Rhys turned his head upwards to look at him, smiling.

"This is the fifth time you've fallen asleep in class in the past two weeks, Rhys. What's going on?"

"Nothing," Rhys shook his head groggily and stretched before standing. Mr. Black caught him by the arm as he made to leave.

"Let me see."

Rhys stared at him for a moment before extending his arm like asked. Mr. Black took him by the hand, making Rhys' heart flutter, before pushing his sleeve up and revealing the track marks littering the inside of his arm. He looked at Rhys, mouth slightly agape, and Rhys hated the disappointment in his eyes.

"You're using again? But you were doing so well."

"It's only for the time being," Rhys muttered, pulling his sleeve back down and shouldering his backpack. He crossed his arms.

"How well did that work out last time?"

"I have to go," Rhys muttered, not looking at him. "You know, my brother Ethan's waiting on me."

And without waiting for Mr. Black to reply, Rhys strode out of the room. When he reached the hallway, he broke into a half-run, panting by the time he made it to the student parking lot and Ethan's Camaro.

"There you are," Ethan said as Rhys yanked open the door and climbed in. "What kept you?"

"Fell asleep in Mr. Black's class," Rhys told him, lighting a cigarette. "He held me back for a talk."

"You can't keep falling asleep in class, Rhys. They'll hold you back."

More time to spend with Mr. Black, Rhys thought, but kept his mouth shut and took a drag off his cigarette as they pulled away from the school. He couldn't wait to get home and get high.

When they finally pulled into the manor driveway, Rhys wasted no time in bounding up the porch and into the house towards his room. He locked his bedroom door behind him and dug the drug kit out from its place beneath his mattress. He set to work melting the cocaine. When it was liquid, he pulled it into the syringe and set the syringe to the side, tying the tourniquet around his arm and smacking it until a vein was plump and visible. He slid the needle in, bevel up, and pushed the plunger down. He sighed as euphoria washed over him. The world was pulled into sharp focus, into high definition; nothing was too slow anymore, the fried electricity in his brain dissipating. His hands became still. Everything was alright again.

"Don't forget," Ethan called up the stairs, "we have Calvin's birthday party later."

Rhys got up and began to pace, the high energy of the cocaine starting to kick in. He liked his brother's best friend, Calvin, well enough - he respected Rhys' pronouns, and overall seemed like a pretty nice guy. He paced the length of his room, around the bed to the desk and then back again. His anxiety was starting to skyrocket, the energy from the cocaine culminating into an overwhelming nervous restlessness.

He stayed in that state until it was time for Calvin's party. He got dressed, pulling on a pair of black skinny jeans, a mesh undershirt with a cropped band tee over top, and his beanie perched over his mop of curls. He pulled on his combat boots, sitting on the edge of his bed to tie them.

Ethan came to stand in the doorway of his bedroom, looking him over. "You're going in...that?"

"Is there a problem?" Rhys didn't look up from tying his left boot.

"It's a little...slutty, don't you think?" Rhys could tell by the soft tone of Ethan's voice that his brother was trying to be gentle. He paused before straightening.

"Maybe I like to look slutty. Is that a problem, Ethan?"

"I just don't want people to get the wrong idea."

"What, that I'm a slut?"

"Well...yeah."

Rhys stood, pulling on his leather jacket from the back of his desk chair. "Let's just go."

He led Ethan back downstairs towards the car.

Cars crowded Calvin's driveway and the side of the road by the time the two arrived. Ethan parallel parked the Camaro before he and Rhys got out, making their way inside.

Calvin found them almost immediately, handing them both drinks as they stepped inside.

"Having fun yet?" Ethan asked him, shouting to be heard over the thumping music. Rhys slugged back half of his drink. As Calvin and Ethan made small talk, he finished it and went to get another.

He walked around for a bit, flashing uneasy smiles at those he recognized from school. He locked eyes with a girl with electric blue dreads, nodding to her once before he found himself a seat in the corner where he sat and finished his drink. Calvin approached him.

"You okay?"

Rhys nodded. Calvin brought him another drink. Ethan was across the room, talking to the dread-headed girl.

“You look sexy in that outfit,” Calvin whispered to him. Rhys nodded slowly, the alcohol starting to hit him. He took a gulp of his drink, the red solo cup starting to feel fuzzy in his hand. Calvin took the seat next to him, continuing to whisper. When Rhys finished his third drink, Calvin brought him yet another. Ethan was nowhere to be seen, and Rhys was starting to feel very lightheaded. He wondered what the drink was made of.

He was five drinks in when Calvin led him upstairs.


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415 Reviews


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Mon Mar 04, 2019 6:14 am
keystrings wrote a review...



Popping back to give another review of this story. I think I spent a while getting my thoughts together because there was a significant change in Ethan, which I didn't like, but it's an interesting twist to give more depth to his character.

Characters:

As stated above, Ethan's turned into someone with clear ideas. However, part of the "taking care of your younger sibling" has morphed him to I what I view as a more judgy personality. That actually makes him a little more human, not per se likable, but could be an interesting thing to follow to see if/how he matures with the upcoming events revolving around Rhys. The idea that Ethan could think his words are to help his brother is painful, as clearly that type of "insight" into one's outfit doesn't do anything whatsoever, but he believes that he needs to say something. That's something a whole lot of normal people are apt to do as well.

Of course, with Rhys, he's got his vices in his addiction and the, I'm guessing, romantic history with Mr. Black. The concern that his teacher shows makes me curious as to the whole parameters of the possible relationship they had, or even wanted, and how it may have ended. That the adult knows about Rhys' drug habits should be a good thing down the line, but I'm really not sure if it's going to be a helpful thing or not. Rhys needs help here, and he needs it sooner than later, but unless something really bad happens, some people are stubborn enough to hide away and "deal" with problems by themselves. Which, yes, it's understandable if one doesn't feel like any people they know are trustworthy, but it's easy to get sent down into a spiral that's very hard to get out of.

With both of these characters and the side ones as well, there seem to be multiple sides, multiple parts that make them all up, which makes for a more rich and enjoyable reading experience. Except for the parts that the characters are doing bad things or are simply bad people in general.

Setting:

I think the reader gets a decent sense of where all of the parts of this chapter are happening - most people can picture a classroom, with the added bonus of "back seat" helping that image. I understand the whole wanting to finish the school day to skip over to the house and the party, and I feel like that transition kind of works. I think it would be interesting to get a look into the neighborhood and the city itself that this story takes place in - is it small? Big? Farms? Lots of stores? Lots of parks? I'd be curious to see how the area around Rhys is developed, as that could play into the overall atmosphere of the typical passerby. The fact that his transition wasn't accepted in any sense is disheartening at best and just horrible and seems like most opinions could come from what type of place he's growing up in. Possibly.

Pace:

This chapter kind of reads as three sections, even without some typical scene dividers. I wanted the first part to be longer, in a way to learn more about Mr. Black and just watch how Rhys and he interact with each other, but I do understand wanting to get into the start of something awful happening to Rhys. The tension for me as certainly built up reading this chapter and the previous one, as I'm a previous reader, so I know what's coming. I think this chapter has pretty decent flow, as even with Rhys getting high was descriptive in a way to really get the reader engaged.

Overall:

I think the way you've described Rhys' addiction in (sort of) calming and grounding him and then setting off his anxiety later is an interesting thing to read, and really makes me feel for him. The constant back-and-forth of highs wearing off and feeling bad and then getting back on drugs tough to imagine living through, but I do hope someone will be able to help him in someway of trying to wean him off drugs or to help him cope in healthier ways. Maybe a random Leah will.

I think this was a well done chapter overall.




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Mon Jan 28, 2019 2:22 am
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BluesClues wrote a review...



He liked his brother's best friend, Calvin, well enough - he respected Rhys' pronouns, and overall seemed like a pretty nice guy.


Ha. Ha. HA ha.

>:[

His anxiety was starting to skyrocket, the energy from the cocaine culminating into an overwhelming nervous restlessness.


Okay, Rhys, you see, this is maybe one of many reasons you probably shouldn't do drugs.

"It's a little...slutty, don't you think?"


Ethan. My dude. It really isn't. He's actually wearing more clothes than people usually do when they wear a crop top, because he included an undershirt. Albeit a mesh undershirt. Still. C'mon, Ethan. It's fine if you're a prude, but you don't gotta be so judgey about it.

Buuuuuuut I guess I can see how this might build up to Ethan potentially super pissing me off later, because clearly someone whose reaction to your clothes is to go, "You're going in that? It's a little slutty" and likes to get the victim-blaming started early is the one who's also likely to go, "Well, yeah, it is your fault. You dressed like a slut."

*sigh*

I'm hoping I don't get super angry later, but I'm already preparing myself.

He locked eyes with a girl with electric blue dreads, nodding to her once before he found himself a seat in the corner where he sat and finished his drink.


A WILD LEAH APPEARS

One day I will stop shouting excitedly when Leah first appears in the story [Aragorn voice] BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY.

So in this installment we get more of a build-up of the action that's presumably going to become important to the story/become plot involved. You continue to introduce things pretty well. In the last installment, we got bits and pieces of some issues Rhys is dealing with, and in this installment, we start to see the effects of those issues: he's constantly falling asleep in class and in danger of flunking out of school because of the drugs; he's in danger from Calvin in part because Calvin is one of the few people who respects his pronouns and treats him decently (until later when it turns out actually he doesn't treat Rhys decently at all wow). We also get new information about how he feels about Mr. Black and insight into why Rhys gets high.

I'm obviously not happy about this new aspect of Ethan's personality, but nobody's perfect except Leah and if you ruin her so help me and I'm curious to see what kind of arc you might have for his relationship with Rhys if he does indeed victim-blame in the aftermath of Calvin/Rhys but later apologizes as he does in the installment I read earlier in the pad. I feel like there's real potential there for a sibling relationship that's messy and sticky and supportive but full of mistakes, some of which are really horrible, but hopefully it ends up with Ethan learning and growing as a person and a brother and Rhys learning to forgive him because of his willingness to change when he done messed up. But I guess I'll have to see where this draft takes us!





It's unsettling to know how little separates each of us from another life altogether.
— Wes Moore, The Other Wes Moore