Young Writers Society

02

I closed my bedroom door, peeled off my shirt and then wiggled my way out of my binder, exchanging it for a baggy hoodie on the floor. Tugging it on, I pushed my blanket out of the way and stretched out on the lumpy mattress, letting a soft sigh escape me in the gathering darkness. Rolling over onto my back, I fished my cell phone out of my pocket and put in my earbuds, choosing my aptly titled ‘concrete insides’ playlist. I leaned my head back into the mattress and let the music wash over me, trying to clear my head of every bad thought and dysphoric feeling that had accumulated over the course of the day.

Someone knocked on my door. I closed my eyes, trying to ignore it, then sighed when whoever it was opened the door anyway. Ethan came in and sat on the edge of my bed, hovering over me and staring me down until I caved. I pulled the earbuds from my ears but refused to look Ethan in the eye.

“What?”

“Just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Ethan said softly. “You didn’t come downstairs for dinner.”

“Not hungry.”

“You’re never hungry.” Ethan murmured, eyes roving over me. “I haven’t seen you eat in a couple of days, Rhys.”

“Is there a point you’re trying to make?”

“I think you should go back to therapy,” Ethan said bluntly, playing with a loose thread on my blanket. “You’re not doing well, and I’m getting worried.”

“I’m fine, Ethan.” I turned over, so my back was facing him, pulling my knees to my chest. “Can you please just go away?”

“No,” Ethan sighed, laying down on his back and staring up at the ceiling. “Why didn’t you tell me about Brandon?”

“What about Brandon?”

“About you two dating.”

I sat up so fast I saw bright spots in my vision. “What?”

“You two used to date,” Ethan repeated, sitting up as well and looking at me. “Right after you came out.”

“How in the hell do you know that?!”

“I went and saw him today.” Ethan replied simply. “I was going to kick his ass, but he said he didn’t beat you up, he just said he did to impress his friends. He said he still has a lot of confusing feelings about you.”

I muttered something under my breath, rolling my eyes.

“Which leaves the question, if he didn’t do it, then who did?”

I looked up, my face going pale in the dark as our eyes met. “No one,” I mumbled, dropping my gaze to the mattress between us.

“Was it Dad or Pop?”

“God, Ethan, no.”

“Then who?” Ethan pressed, reaching over to the bedside table and switching on the lamp. The room was bathed in soft blue light.

“I don’t want to talk about this, Ethan.”

“Is it someone you’re seeing?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“It is my business,” Ethan hissed. “You’re my little sister!”

Silence enveloped us. I bit my tongue.

“Please get out.”

“Rhys, I’m so sorry.”

“Get out!” I collapsed onto the bed, turning with my back to Ethan and tugging my covers up over my head as hot tears ran down my cheeks. I turned the music up until it was blaring out of my headphones, staring angrily at the wall until Ethan left. When I heard the door close, I rolled over and turned off the lamp, plunging myself back into darkness.

-----------------

I leaned my head back against the bricks, my nose dripping blood onto my jacket. I stuffed the baggie of white powder back into my jacket pocket and took a draw off my cigarette, staring into the woods behind the gas station blankly as the euphoric high rushed through my veins. I mopped the blood off my face as best I could with my sleeve, eyes glazing over the trees in the distance.

“Rhys?”

I jumped, looking up to see Leah, who was staring at me with concern etched onto her face.

“Your nose is bleeding,” she noted, bending down to look at me more closely. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” I muttered hoarsely, hand fisting nervously around the baggie in my jacket pocket. Fight the paranoia, Rhys. Just act normal.

“I could’ve sworn I saw you snort something.”

“Is it any of your business?” I snapped.

“Yeah, it is.” She retorted, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me to my feet. I stumbled against her, nose dripping blood all over the concrete. Everything was wavy. “A kid your age shouldn’t be in this part of town, especially if you’re doing drugs.”

“I’m not doing drugs.”

She held out her hand. “Give me.”

I scowled.

“Now.”

With a growl, I obediently dropped the baggie into her waiting palm, muttering.

“Get in the car.”

I followed her to the Subaru, trying my hardest to remain upright as possible and failing. Managing to somehow get the passenger door open, I curled ungracefully into the seat, vision spinning.

“Please don’t take me home,” I asked softly. “If my dads see me like this, they’ll kill me.”

“Fine,” she conceded, starting the car. “I’ll take you to my place to sober up.”

I made a sound like a panicked squirrel, voice cracking. “Can I trust you?”

“You can sure as hell trust me more than the perverts wandering around here,” she snapped. “If I wanted to kidnap someone, I’d kidnap someone with a hell of a lot less issues.”

I pouted. “That’s not fair.”

She tossed a handful of napkins at me before pulling out of the parking lot. “Clean up your nose.”

I pressed the napkins to my nose as instructed, leaning down with my head between his knees.

“I never would’ve pegged you as a drug addict.”

“Recreational user,” I corrected. “I can stop using whenever I want to.”

“I call bullshit,” she stated as we merged onto the expressway. “You don’t find ‘recreational users’ behind a shady ass Minit-Mart snorting cocaine off the backs of their hands.”

“I guess that’s fair,” I sat up, nose having finally stopped bleeding. I stared at the road and tried to fight off my nausea, vision once again spinning.

“Please don’t vomit in my car,” Leah muttered, checking over her shoulder before merging into the right lane for the upcoming exit. “I love this thing and I’ll be really pissed if I have to clean your cocaine vomit out of it.” She glanced at me. “Shouldn’t you be in school, anyway?”

“School is for losers,” I replied defiantly, blinking at her. “I have better things to do with my time.”

“Like get high?”

“Exactly.”

She muttered something under her breath.

“I’m really not liking the judge-y feeling I’m getting from you right now.” I lit a cigarette from the crumpled pack in my jacket pocket.

“I am judging you,” she agreed, pulling onto the exit and coming to a stop at the red light. “But only because I’ve been there, and I know what rock bottom looks like.”

I snorted. “This is not rock bottom.”

“Dude, Minit-Mart. And tell me you did not exchange sex for that baggie of coke.”

“Do you count a blowjob as sex?”

She shook her head as we pulled into the parking lot of an apartment complex. “Yes, but that’s not the most pressing issue with that conversation.”

I opened my door, practically falling out of the car and landing shoulder-first on the pavement with a stifled groan. She stared down at me, scowling for a moment, before taking my bony wrist and tugging me to my feet. “Come on.”

I gave a silent thanks to whatever god might be out there that Leah lived on the ground floor. I followed her into the apartment, nearly tripping on the carpet on the way in, and collapsed onto the couch.

“How much coke did you take?” She called to me from the kitchen, where I heard her put the kettle on.

“Four…five lines?” I shrugged. “Not that much.”

She rolled her eyes, shuffling into the living room and plopping into the chair next to the fireplace, her toe ring glinting in the light of the flames. I stared at it absently, letting the warmth wash over him as I melted away into the couch cushions.

“Breathe, Rhys,” I felt a hand on my back and jerked awake, gazing around blearily. Night had fallen, leaving the room dimly lit by the side tables’ lamps. I wiped the crusted blood under my nose with my sleeve, sucking in a large, strangled breath.

“What happened?” I mumbled, gazing at Leah, who was bending over me with concern on her face.

“You fell asleep,” she said softly. “And then I think you stopped breathing.”

I sat up slowly, head pounding, hands shaking. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she sat on the couch next to me. “Um, your brother called. I answered and told him you were at my place, but that you had fallen asleep. He’s on his way over.” She rose from the couch and pattered her way into the kitchen, returning with a glass of water. I took it reluctantly.

“Thanks for not telling him about…you know.”

“No problem,” she gave me a sympathetic smile. “Like I said, I know what rock bottom looks like.”

“This is not rock bottom,” I insisted, downing half the glass of water.

“Dude, you nearly died on a stranger’s couch.”

“That makes us not strangers anymore,” I managed a smirk, which quickly faded. “How do you know so much about rock bottom, anyway?”

“I may have been there a time or two,” she said vaguely, pushing the water towards me. “Drink, it’ll help you feel better.”

I muttered something under my breath hoarsely but did as I was told, chugging the rest of the water with an ease that surprised me. We sat in silence on the couch, until the rev of Ethan’s Camaro made me look up. There was a sharp knock on the door. I stumbled over and answered.

“You,” Ethan’s voice was ice. “Car. Now.”

“See you later,” I mumbled to Leah, shuffling my way past Ethan towards the Camaro as I was told. I leaned against the hood, lighting a cigarette, quieting my breathing so I could eavesdrop.

“Thanks for looking out for him,” Ethan murmured, holding a ten-dollar bill out to her. “He’s on one of his benders again.”

“I don’t need that,” she shook her head, pushing the bill back into his hand. “I wasn’t aware this was a reoccurring thing.”

“It comes in cycles,” Ethan sighed quietly. “He’ll be better for a while, and then he’ll crash and relapse again, and then he’ll get better, and it just goes on and on. It’s hard to keep from our dads, but…I dunno. I don’t want to rat him out and make things worse. I want him to trust me.”

“You can’t do this on your own,” Leah replied, keeping her eyes trained evenly on him. “And now you don’t have to. You’ve got me.”

“You say that now,” Ethan said dryly, scuffing his shoe on the ground. “Anyway, thanks.” And with that, he turned around and walked to the Camaro. I threw my cigarette on the ground and stepped on it, shuffling to my side and climbing in. Ethan started the Camaro without saying anything, only silently pulled out of the apartment complex parking lot.

“You can’t keep doing this, Rhys.”

“Can you try not to talk so loud?” I muttered, forehead pressed into my hands.

“Do you hear me?” Ethan kept his eyes on the road, trying to keep his voice even. “One of these days, you’re going to go too far, and I won’t be able to help you.”

“God, shut up Ethan!” I half-shouted, making Ethan nearly swerve the car. “You think your ‘tough love’ is doing something to help me, but in reality, it just makes me want to shoot up dope until I die. Is that what you want?”

“Rhys – “

“Pull over.”

“Rhys.”

“Pull over!”

With a sigh, Ethan did as I told him, bringing the Camaro to a halt on the shoulder of the road. I pushed open the door and got out, starting to walk down the road and into the night.

“Rhys, get back here.” Ethan shouted after me, to which he was promptly given the bird in response. With a frustrated growl, Ethan ripped the key out of the ignition and punched his door open, following me down the shoulder of the road.

“Rhys, get back here right now.”

“You aren’t Dad or Pop!” I screeched over my shoulder, both middle fingers now in the air. “Why don’t you just fuck off, Ethan?!”

“Because,” Ethan jogged to catch up with me, grabbing me by the shoulder and whirring me around to face him. “You are my little brother, and I care about you, dammit. You’re destroying yourself right in front of everyone you love, and I’ll be damned if I let you do it without any say from me.”

I stood there in silence, swaying on the spot. After a moment, I pulled the crumpled pack from my pocket, extracted an equally crumpled cigarette, and lit it.

“Sorry.” It started to rain.

“Just get back in the car, Rhys.”

I turned around, the darkness swallowing us until I could see was the cherry of my cigarette

“Rhys,” Ethan sighed in exasperation, the rain soaking us both to the bone. “Come on! Just get back in the car and we can go home!”

I began to pace, running a hand through my slick mop of hair. I took a long draw off my cigarette.

“Rhys.” Ethan groaned. “Come on! It’s raining.”

Without replying, I walked past him and back to the Camaro, climbing in without a word.

Taking a moment to mutter expletives to the rain, Ethan followed, slamming his car door shut and shoving the key into the ignition.

“You’re going to have to talk about it eventually, Rhys.”

I stared out the window silently. With another sigh, Ethan started the car, driving them home through the rain.