Hey Artie! A smol cute pome this time.
Pros:
+ What an odd image. I love it. Eating a sparrow to absorb its beauty is something I've never come across. With images like these, you make your poems memorable.
+ I like the line breaks. They make total sense to me, and you kind of use them as punctuation, too.
Cons:
- you explain yourself at the end of the poem. Trust the reader. You say that you want to take the sparrow's beauty for yourself, and destroy its home. That sounds greedy enough to me! Take off the ending line to create a more solid poem.
- Let's look at this line:
engulf the beauty
I'm not sure if you're aware, but I find it boring when people use the big concept word in their poem. Beauty is one of these words. Maybe instead of saying that outright, you can describe the exact beauty that you want from the sparrow. If you want to turn into the sparrow, just say that, but I don't think that's your intention here. Do you want your hair to be as shiny as the feathers of the sparrow? Do you want its singing voice? Sparkling eyes? You get the picture. Be more specific, and use fewer big concept words.
Honestly, that's all I have for this brief little poem. I enjoyed reading it! Happy poeting!
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