On the other side of the page
On the other side of the world,
Sits a man.
Reading.
Just reading,
Like you are now.
He checks his watch.
It’s late
He thinks.
So he settles down to sleep,
Closes his eyes.
And thinks of someone on the other side of the world.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
This is so cool!
Oh, right. I'm suppose to say hi...Hi! And seeing as you're kinda new, welcome!
Whatchamacallit here for a review.
I love poems like this - well,
a) no spelling or grammar mistakes, etc. That makes it so much nicer to read.
b) formatting that is cool, and makes sense with the work.
c) just, well ... it makes you kind of think. Sort of along the lines of, 'out there, there's someone looking up at the same sky', you know what I mean?
One thing, is after
'It's late'
I would insert a comma.
Also, instead of
'Closes his eyes',
I think 'closing his eyes' would flow a bit better. However, that's a personal choice, so if you like it how it is, leave it!
You could always add, after
'So he settles down to sleep',
Something like 'leaning back in his chair', or, 'reclining on the sofa'. Again, perfectly unnecessary.
Look forward to more of your writing!!!!
~Whatchamacallit
Thank you very much! I think i see what you mean at certain points, I think adding in a line there would have been a very good idea, I'll bear your advice in mind for future poems!
No problemo! I'm glad my review was helpful
Again, great poem!
HIYA! Izzy here
This is awesome!
I really like how you formatted it and how it makes people read it differently.
This is a short meaningful poem and I really think you did well. Grammar looks good, I like what you did with the title, and yep.
Awesome job!
Izzy
Thanks loads! It's interesting to see how everyone reads it differently and thinks it's about something else!
(I did it for the ducks though...)
*grumbles*
Thanks for sharing. Radrook here for a review attempt. Curious format but it meshes very well with the poem's title. If indeed the only purpose of the poem is to impress via the format then it succeeded in my case.
However, if its purpose is to convey some deep philosophical meaning then I am afraid that I am completely clueless. I mean, it can be viewed as a statement contradicting the flat earth idea. So I'm sure that the Flat Earthers will get annoyed. It's definitely not going to elicit astonishment from others who accept the Earth is a sphere and that identical things happen simultaneously all over the globe.
Nevertheless I enjoyed reading it and am very impressed by your creativity in harmonizing poem title ad formatting in that way.
I'm sorry but I didn't mean it to be anything with the shape of the earth!
I simply meant it to show that reading unites people all over earth (no matter what shape you think it is).
So
Hi. (Brief intro, I know.)
If i repeat anything from the previous review, don't report me for plagiarism. Thanks for that.
Gonna be inside your poem without being too nitpicky, I don't feel anything for the format, so yeah, normal, but I cannot comment on people's style, right? (Oh man, I am being nitpicky.) I feel really curious and intrigued and confused (confused most of the time) about the relationship between your title and your poem. I did see similarity between the title and the first line, but these two lines mean so far from each other. I know title isn't important but, well, I AM curious.
I know this is a short poem and you want to make it stay this length, but I am totally, totally, wiped out clean by whatever-curiousness-inside-of-my-not-so-curious-brain about the first line. My interpretation was like the other side of the world could mean... aaaa... somewhere far. That's it. So I don't know what kind of effect this long line could bring inside of this short poem. Maybe, MAYBE, you wanna say that, I give you a situation that I am now currently like so busy, but then, there is somebody out there far from my GPS, that he is taking time easily when my policy is time is everything.
Yeah, I wrote a nice short story, right?
So move on, I don't really think the repetition of reading and JUST READING is nice to have inside a short poem. You know, it is a short poem, so make everything meaningful (That my style, well, I don't know yours). There are lots of maybe hyperbole, metaphors, simile out there wanting you to use them. (I stressed on metaphors because metaphors are amazing.)
Try describing it a little bit deeeepeeer.
Okay, I wrote three long paragraphs, so I think these are enough (haha, pardon me.), so last (oh my, so nitpicky, am I?), Your punctuation could be better. It is good, but can be better in a way of creativity or whatever fantasy you called.
Thank you for the sweet short poem.
Never stop POETING.
Bye.
Thanks for the review!
I decided on the title because I thought that it linked in with the first line. And it's a poem, so, yeah, if it was on paper it would be written on a page.
I wrote it about how, no matter where in the world you're living, everyone is connected by the words they read.
For example, I wrote this poem in the uk but if you live in the USA you can still access this poem and read these words. People may have read something I've written in a place I'll never travel too.
Sorry,
That's kinda complex.
Thank you!
Haha, it's okay, people interpret things differently (because of that war happens,) haha
No problem. <3
No was please!
Thanks!
Welcome to YWS!
Hello BookishBrook, here today to review your piece entitled 'On The Other Side of The Page'
Let's begin...
First of all, I think it's an obvious observation about the format of the piece, and I really like it. It provides this distance between two unnamed characters that links in with the title.
The first thing I noticed while reading this is the scheme repeats in a comma, 2x full stop pattern - apart from 'It's late He thinks' .You should add a comma after the word 'late' to continue the pattern.
I can't really say anything else other than it's a short and well presented poem for your debut piece.
PenmanshipPriority
Thank you very much!
I thought I'd just start off with something shorter.
Hullo Bookish! Cat here to review your cool poem! Okay then, here we go!
I've done this before too, but since the title is right there, it is not necessary to put this in your poem.
First, let's go through parts of your poem together, enspoilered below:
Spoiler
I'd put these on the same line.
Aw shoot, @Saruka already said all this. I guess I got nothing then xD
What I liked: All of it!! It was so simple, yet so graceful and it really makes me think for a minute!
What to fix grammar/spelling wise: Nothing to put here!
Plot holes/confusing stuff: Nothing for me!
Other random comments: Wow! This is a simple yet awesome poem! And I simply love the formatting choice!
Well anyways, awesome poem! Good job and keep writing!
Thanks very much for the review!
Hi BookishBrook! Saru here for a hopefully helpful review!
I'm going to get constructive criticism out of the way first so we can get on with what was great about this.
First, you don't really need to repeat the title here, it's already written at the top. But if you do want to repeat the title, capitalize it like you did in the big title.
For the rest of the poem, you used correct grammar, as if the poem were in sentence form. But when you put these two lines together, it doesn't follow your pattern from before. Try putting a comma after 'late'.
Same thing with this one. Try deleting this comma.
And... that's it for constructive criticism! This was a simple, short piece, but great things come in small packages! The formatting was a great idea, and I really liked the poem as a whole! Just be sure to keep your patterns!
Keep writing!
~Saru
(an addition: you don't have to check out my work if you don't want to
Thank you very much!
Just a quick question, who are these mysterious knights of the green room?
clubs/1822 We make it our duty to make sure everyone's stories that they've worked so hard on get at least two reviews to help them along their way to improving their writing!
Wow, that sounds like a brilliant idea!
You can join, if you'd like! clubs/1822/forum/76774