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I miss the birds in winter (revised)

by BlueAfrica

Click here to see the original version.

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26 Reviews

Points: 631
Reviews: 26

Wed Jul 10, 2019 5:58 am
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Siddharth wrote a review...

Hey Blue,

A very beautifully written poem that describes in such a lucid way in which the writer misses the songs of the birds in winter.

You have given a very beautiful structure to the poem which is very easy on the eyes and calls on the reader to read the poem. The subtle rhymes in the poem also helps in bringing out the message effectively like miss-beast, lights-rides, you-true. I loved how you have shown the much explored theme of the yearning to hear the birds sing in a very positive way unlike the rather conventional take like the one in "
The Wild Swans at Coole " by Y.B Yeats.

Personally I feel after capturing the reader's attention so beautifully after the first two stanzas I think the one on the wedding piece was a good continuation. However I think the reader deserved to atleast a few more lines description on the same. However that's just my personal opinion.

As much as the last stanza asked me wanting for more the next stanza just contained the details that satiated my hunger for details. The alterations were on the mark and it was a nice read.

But the best was saved for the last. The last stanza was the work of a experienced writer because just when the reader thinks the end is going to be about enjoying the good things while they last, here comes the twist. The black buck is back and thrilling the writer with its first spring song. Simply loved this stanza.

All in all a really beautiful poem from a really good writer.

"The poet waits quietly to paint the unsaid"
- Atticus

It's me Sid signing off.

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55 Reviews

Points: 115
Reviews: 55

Wed Jul 10, 2019 12:07 am
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shieldmaiden wrote a review...

Lovely, lovely, lovely! I really admire your work in this piece. How do you do it? I'm not a poet, yet I can't help but be amazed how you presented so many instances when you miss something. The first stanza made me feel so sad. Then I loved how you ended the last - with a bit of hope. Reflective and illuminating. It's no wonder why poetry can live longer in the minds of others than prose sometimes. A stanza can cover an entire book at times. Keep writing!


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17 Reviews

Points: 84
Reviews: 17

Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:04 pm
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salia4 wrote a review...

Beautifully written poem, and I love the title. the only thing I can think of that would improve this is if you went through and fixed how often you switch point of view, as you often switch between first and second, unless it's part of the shift, in which case it works. I absolutely love your formatting and it flows well. Wonderful piece, I would've liked to read the original also!

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Points: 200
Reviews: 0

Tue Jul 09, 2019 1:29 pm
HenryLowel says...

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The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names.
— Chinese proverb