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The Frozen Peacelands of the Dying Ruins

by Blake's stories and poems


Chapter one: The never ending battles of the south

A man named Alexander was walking amongst the ruins of a large city. The ruins were covered in snow, partially because it was cold but mostly because of the nuclear winter that was expected to last thousands of years. Alexander was attempting to travel to the much more peaceful north nicknamed the frozen peacelands. Most of the north was frozen over, thanks to core technology the cold is not a threat. However, the people who use core technology typically are a threat. The reason the frozen peacelands are peaceful is almost no one goes there.

As Alexander traveled the ruins he heard a loud noise, it sounded like a tank so he quickly hid in the ruins. He peaked through a crack in the ruins and saw a tank equipped with a gatling gun. Due to the war between China and Russia, both countries had become very militarized. Even years after the death bombs hit people still battled each other with the advanced technology. A man wearing a fur coat surrounded by flames began to walk towards the tank. A much more advanced version of an AK-47 seemed to glitch into his hand. This weapon was known as an Aktina rifle. The tank's gatling gun began to spin up as it spotted the man. The Aktina began to rapidly fire beams of energy at the tank as the man covered his hand. The tank rapidly fired missiles as the man simply walked through the missiles. The gatling tank seemed to deflect beams of energy. The man ran at the tank jumping onto it. He got near the back of the tank and aimed the Aktina at the strange neon green bit on the back. As he fired the tank seemed to disappear.

Suddenly a crow like sound seemed to erupt from the snow. Despite the fact that the man was wearing a helmet and mask Alexander could almost see fear on his face. Then out of nowhere a giant frozen crow fell from the sky landing near the man. The man looked in terror as snow began to shake. A twelve foot tall beast erupted from the snow. This furry bear-like beast was known as a drepouda. It’s massive claw pierced through his hand into the neon green thing which kept him alive. Within seconds he disappeared just like the tank. The drepouda buried itself back into the snow and drug the giant crow down with it.

Alexander cautiously exited the ruins, when he did he noticed some neon green things in the snow near the drepouda. These things were known as Core technology, Core technology had the ability to recreate any physical object. Not much was known about it, despite this it was used very commonly. Alexander had a piece of Core Tech himself. It allowed him to be more or less immortal unless the Core Tech is destroyed. The Core Tech was also modified to create an aura of fire around the user to prevent it from shattering in cold.

Alexander slowly approached the Core technology near the drepouda. He quickly picked it up before running away. He tested it out and it created an Aktina rifle in his hand. Now that he was better equipped, he began his long journey north.

Chapter two: The journey north

After acquiring this new defence Alexander began the long journey north, there were two ways he could get to the frozen peacelands. He could either travel north, or find teleportation Core Tech. Alexander chose to travel north as teleportation Core Tech was rare and very hard to make.

As he traveled he watched his step for drepouda as stepping near one could get him instantly killed just like the man from earlier. Suddenly a man erupted from the snow like a drepouda. He carried a flaming Core Tech sword and wore flaming armor like the man earlier. Not many people of Zhongsiya knew why they fought amongst themselves, most of them were simply raised in a violent, strange world. Alexander however was much older and in turn had many morals and ideas similar to that of an average Russian rather than a Zhongsiyan. As the man swung his flaming sword Alexander quickly dodged it. Alexander swung his Aktina in an attempt to fend the man off instead of killing him. Despite being slightly stunned, the man continued to attack. Alexander began shooting everywhere except the man's hand, he did this to slow the man down before he regenerated. To Alexander’s horror the man disappeared and a cracked piece of Core technology fell from the man's chest. Alexander stood there horrified at the idea that he killed someone.

Alexander sat on the ground attempting to put the cracked Core technology back together. Despite the man trying to kill him, Alexander refused to have killed someone. Unfortunately for Alexander there was no way to bring the man back to life.

Alexander began walking north horrified, terrified, and very sad about the new world he had been doomed to live in, despite this he pushed forward believing that reaching the frozen peace lands would allow him to live his old simple life.

Chapter three: The drepouda

Alexander continued traveling, hiding whenever he came across someone. This had worked for most of his trip however once he entered a ruined forest his worries changed, the new threat was drepouda.

The forest he traveled was dense, Alexander could barely see much in front of him. Many stories of people entering the forest and never returning spread through towns that hadn’t collapsed. Alexander wondered if this was because they made it to the frozen peacelands or if they had been killed by drepouda. Drepouda are more likely to attack someone without Core technology, but a desperate one will attack anything.

As Alexander cautiously traveled the forest something erupted from the trees and snow, a drepouda. Alexander quickly pulled out his Aktina and fired at the beast, despite that the drepoda still slashed its massive claws at Alexander. Alexander dodged behind a tree and ran through the forest hoping the creature would get stuck on the trees. Unfortunately the beast slashed through the trees like paper. Trees fell around him as Alexander ran. Branches and saw dust fell around Alexander as the beast screeched a crow like noise.

The creators of the drepouda had failsafe in case the creatures became aggressive towards humans. Destroying the piece of Core technology on its chest could kill and destroy it instantly, of course this was near impossible for Alexander when the raging beast refused to stop chasing him until it caught a meal. Despite drepouda not having a need to eat due to their immortality, despite this they feel hunger and will go into a coma-like state if they don’t eat. The beast continued to chase Alexander as it demolished the ruining forest. Alexander slid under a ruined tree and spun around aiming his Aktina. The drepouda struggled on the log before rearing up to it’s thirteen foot length before slamming down its meter long claws on the log exploding it into bits. It revealed the Core technology when it did this and Alexander fired. The laser like projectiles pierced into the Core technology shattering it, within seconds the drepouda seemed to glitch out of existence.

Alexander could have become a hero to the remaining towns, he did not want this. Alexander only wanted to relive his old life, not a better version of this new one.

Chapter four: Hope of the old life

As Alexander traveled still hiding from other humans, he came across a shack. It was a small wooden building with a glass window and a wooden door. Alexander cautiously entered Aktina ready in hand. A man sat on a couch inside, he said “(Easy now, I have nothing worth stealing. Just turn back and attack someone else)”. Alexander replied with what speech he had left “(You talk?)”. “(Of course, has the south stopped speaking now too? Give the southerners a year and they won’t be human anymore)”. Alexander replied “(That's why I want to head north)”. The man said “(Put the gun away and I’ll tell you about how to get there)”. Alexander did so and sat on the floor waiting. “(You're not far from the frozen peacelands but there is still a big threat on the way there. Stories tell of a great beast that guards the peacelands. It’s said to be like a drepouda but bipedal and smarter. Some traveling southerners say he is a Drekavac out to hunt the corrupt souls of those who try to enter the peacelands. Others say he is a man turned beast through Core technology. No matter the origin of him he is said to be a murderous beast set out to either protect or destroy the frozen peacelands)” the man said. Alexander marveled and also feared the tale of this beast. The man then said “(Here take this, it’s an old piece of Core tech that makes a very strong shield. Hunt that beast and you will not only make the people here lives much easier, but you’ll also be able to get to the peacelands. Goodluck)”. Alexander grabbed the shield and headed outside after thanking the man. Alexander, filled with hope after seeing the man's peaceful life, continued traveling north.

Chapter five: Drekavac 

Alexander continued his travels, after about a minute or two of travel he still saw nothing. He began to question if this creature was real or just a myth. Night began to fall turning the already dark and gloomy wasteland into a pitch black void. Alexander could no longer see anything, however he noticed something in the distance. It seemed to be a flame armoured humanoid so Alexander hid assuming it was another crazed person. As he slowly got closer Alexander noticed it seemed to be much taller than a human and inhabiting a cave. Alexander suspected this might be the drekavac the old man spoke of. (Nonescence, drakavacs are myths made to scare children) Alexander thought. As Alexander creeped closer attempting to sneak past the beast he noticed what it actually looked like. It looked like a drepouda but in a humanoid form. It had very long fur, seemingly no face long human-ish fingers that went past its long fur. Alexander then realised what this was. It was a human that attached drepouda Core technology to himself creating a horrid, probably near mindless creature. Just as Alexander realised this, the beast reared its head up and began running towards him. The ten foot tall flaming beast lumbered towards him throwing punches instead of swipes. Alexander quickly ran while trying desperately to activate his shield. The shield activated and Alexander flug around just as the beat was about to smash him. Alexander blocked the punch with his shield. The creature slammed down his fist onto Alexander's shield. Alexander was pushed six feet down into the snow. The beast continued to punch as it screeched with what mind it had left “(Die!)”. Alexander stared in horror as his guess was confirmed. The core technology shielded cracked from the beasts punches. Core tech shields were thought to be unbreakable yet the beast continued slamming down and cracking the shield. Alexander prepared his Aktina. The beast slammed down one more time and the shield shattered. The beast reared up and slammed down onto Alexander obliterating him into bits, and yet Alexander was not dead yet. The beast slammed its fist into Alexander’s chest, luckily for Alexander his Core technology was on his hand. Within seconds Alexander regenerated and fired his Aktina into the horrid creatures chest where it’s Core technology was, the beast disappeared in seconds. Alexander climbed out of the hole after experiencing that traumatic event. Despite Alexander still being horrified, he still got up and continued his travel north. His big challenges were over, all he had to do now was finish his walk to the frozen peacelands.

Chapter three: The frozen peacelands

After the battle he laid on the snow and fell asleep, when he awoke it was still dark but he began his travels anyway. He continued his travels north for an hour or two. The pitch black darkness began to fade as it was replaced by the white and grey of morning. This began to reveal the nothingness he entered, the world looked blank. This is what he wanted, this was the frozen peacelands. There was nothing but frozen trees and rivers. He sat there pleased with his accomplishment. He began to make a house in an attempt to recreate his old life. His journey was finished.


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Mon Jan 04, 2021 9:24 pm
SpunkyKitty wrote a review...



Hi! Spunky here to review!

Grows:

Alexander was attempting to travel to the much more peaceful north nicknamed the frozen peacelands. Most of the north was frozen over, thanks to core technology the cold is not a threat. However, the people who use core technology typically are a threat. The reason the frozen peacelands are peaceful is almost no one goes there.

There is a lot of repetition here. This paragraph needs a lot of editing, and/or rearranging.

As Alexander traveled the ruins he heard a loud noise, it sounded like a tank so he quickly hid in the ruins.

Repeating "ruins" isn't a good idea. I would just take out the "in the ruins" part.

Even years after the death bombs hit people still battled each other

a comma is needed after "hit"

Suddenly a crow like sound seemed to erupt from the snow.

A comma is needed after "Suddenly"

Then out of nowhere a giant frozen crow fell from the sky landing near the man.

You have a lot of places that a comma is needed, and this'll be the last example. You should go through and put in commas in the necessary places. A comma is needed before "out" and before "a giant..."

These things were known as Core technology,

before, you didn't capitalize "Core." Either way, if you choose to capitalize it or not, you need to be consistent.

...despite this it was used very commonly.

Did you mean something like, "Despite that it was used very commonly"?


Alexander began walking north horrified, terrified, and very sad about the new world he had been doomed to live in,

Were the comma is, you could put a period and avoid a run-on.

“(Easy now, I have nothing worth stealing. Just turn back and attack someone else)”.

I know that you said the () indicated translation, you should try a different method.

Glows:

I've read and reviewed your other works, and I love that you make different stories from the same world. It gives different perspectives, and that is awesome.

Bye!




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Sun Jan 03, 2021 3:19 pm
ChesTacos wrote a review...



Extremely action packed story, filled with excitement. I notice that you need to work on your capitalization. Throughout the story you say names of places, these should be capitalized e.g. north=North, frozen peacelands=Frozen Peacelands. Also here

Alexander quickly pulled out his Aktina and fired at the beast, despite that the drepoda still slashed its massive claws at Alexander.


Drepouda is spelled as drepoda. I noticed whenever you put scenes with dialogue you put brackets. I'm not sure why you do that, but just no it's not needed. You can write like this. "Hello" said [name of someone] "howdy" [name of other person] replied. The final chapter is chapter three even though it comes after chapter five, I think you meant chapter six.

Chapter three: The frozen peacelands


Finally in these two places I think you meant head and not hand

The Aktina began to rapidly fire beams of energy at the tank as the man covered his hand.


Alexander began shooting everywhere except the man's hand


Overall very well written! Just remember to fix these mistakes and be weary of your capitalization in the future. Great work!






Thanks for the advice! I'll fix some of those issues in just a moment. Also the reason the dialogue is in brackets is it was to imply translation (sorry I know this is an obscure thing that isn't really explained in the story). Thanks for the reply, it really helps!




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