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Why Ch. 6

by Black Ghost

Joe and Max were now headed towards a small grocery store at the other side of the street, and were now looking both ways to make sure there were no cars coming, and then Joe explained all this to Max.

Max was very confused about everything that was happening now, but was learning fast. But what he really was clueless about is why Joe was taking him with him. He had no idea that Joe thought he had given him amnesia, which was not true.

But Max just saw this as human hospitality and didn't think anything of it.

On the other hand Joe was getting out of his mind. He was dumbfounded at how he had given a small boy amnesia and could have possibly done some serious long term damage to him. He had no notion as how to explain this to anyone and was now headed to the small store to get a drink, hoping it would clear his confused mind.

Soon Joe and Max had arrived at the store and Joe opened the door to allow Max to go through.

Another door, thought Max. He then stepped through but stopped at the strange ringing noise that he heard once he had stepped inside. The same thing happened when Joe stepped through.

"Why does it make that noise?" asked Max.

Joe looked down at him and replied," it's used to tell the store owner that someone has come in."

"Wow, there must be some kind of device for every purpose." said Max.

"I guess you could say that." remarked Joe and walked over to the soda fridge after waving hi to the friendly looking asian man behind the counter. Max came up behind him and looked through the clear glass of the refridgerator.

"So these are sodas?" he questioned,"There are so many."

"Yeah, they're sodas," Joe said, "Which one do you want?"

Max gazed at all the different cans that had a lot of strange markings on them. He asked Joe about them.

"Oh, those are just words," he explained. "You use them to, uh, understand what something means. I mean, well, it's a language, actually. A way people communicate with each other without talking."

"Oh, okay" said Max, and studied them all carefully.

"Well, which one?" asked Joe. Another man had just entered the store. "I don't want to be here all day."

"Umm, I'll just have the one you get," replied Max. It didn't really make a difference to him what soda he picked, he just wanted to try one.

"Alright," said Joe and took out two orange sodas from the fridge and gave one to Max. He shuddered when he held it.

"Why is it so cold?" he asked.

"It tastes better that way," replied Joe, "trust me, you don't want a warm soda. Now come on, let's pay for them." and before Max had a chance to ask why, Joe already explained. "You need money to get things from stores. It's like trading something you want for something the other person wants." Joe then pulled out a dollar from his wallet to show Max. "I want the sodas, and the man wants this dollar. See?"

"Yes, I do," Max said, and followed Joe to the counter. Joe was about to give the asian man the money for the sodas when something strange happened.

The man's expression just seemed to freeze in place, when just a second ago he was fine.

"What's the matter?" Joe asked," you feeling alright?" He then felt Max tug on his shirt.

"Who is that man over there?" he questioned.

Joe turned around and had to stop himself from screaming.

The man that had entered the store moments ago was now standing in front of the doorway and had pulled the shades down.

He had a gun pointed at the asian man.

"Open the register," he commanded

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19 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 19

Sun Feb 19, 2006 7:03 am
Zelithan wrote a review...

Your getting too comfortable with it. You need to strive for improvement.

"Max was very clueless about everything that was happening now, but was learning fast. But what he really was clueless about is why Joe was taking him with him. He had no idea that Joe thought he had given him amnesia, which was not true."

This whole part is worded badly but i uold definatly get rid of the 'very clueless' either get rid of the 'very' or change the clueless to confused of some other word. You used clueless in two sentences in a row anyway.

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614 Reviews

Points: 1106
Reviews: 614

Fri Feb 17, 2006 12:38 pm
Swires wrote a review...

Well Ive been reading all your chapters of the story and I have to say its coming along swimmingly well. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and its very abstract. I like the characters and how max is interacting. I will be interested to see how max copes with the gunman.

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324 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 324

Fri Feb 17, 2006 12:07 pm
-KayJuran- wrote a review...

sorry i wasn't paying much attention to looking for things i can crit 'cause i was too busy trying to find out what was about to happen next..

jchoufani wrote:He had a gun pointet at the asian man.

^ well this should be 'pointed', this is probably just a typo.

jchoufani wrote:Another door, though Max.

^ should be 'thought'

jchoufani wrote:could have possible done some serious long term damage to him

^ should be 'possibly'

oops sorry i've gone backwards, i hope this doesn't confuse you too much... apart from a few typos i can't find much wrong with spelling etc. i'd like to see where this is going so keep posting please!


Don't aim at success--the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one's dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself.
— Viktor E. Frankl