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Why. Ch. 1

by Black Ghost


Nothing. There was absolutely nothing- a vast and unending void, so still with no noise and nothing that could break the silence.

Maybe every now and then a small, incomprehensible whisper could be heard, but after that silence reigned again. How such a place could exist, is unimaginable. Does it even exist? For what what is existing in the first place? But whatever the nothingness was, or whether it existed it or not, it was there.

Silence and Nothing went hand in hand to create this "place", if you could call it that. It seemed like a gap in reality, a stretch of the imagination.

It had no order, no structure. What was up and what was down was irrelevant in a place like this. But something was there, although one could not say if it was living. It was like a haze, the kind you see on a hot day. It was there, though it didn't move.

Suddenly the silence broke, by a small humming that came from somewhere near. The haze seemed to stretch, as if in answer to the humming. The humming became nearer and nearer, though you could not tell from which direction it was coming from.

Then all at once a very small, white ball appeared in front of the haze. It spun there near the haze for some time, all the while humming its monotonous buzz. Finally it spoke.

"I have come to ask you something," said the white ball. Its form spun, then stopped, then spun in another direction every time it uttered a word.

"What is it?" said the haze. Its form seemed to stretch and twist as it spoke.

"I have come to ask if you want knowledge," The white ball replied. The haze expanded.

"What is knowledge?" said the haze. It form began to swim around the white ball.

"It is something I cannot explain, and it is something you must experience for yourself," Hummed the ball. "It is something I have discovered."

"What will I gain from knowledge?" questioned the haze, still swimming around the ball. "Everything I need is here, nothing more, nothing less. Why should I want something that I do not need?"

"I am merely asking you," said the ball. "You do not have to agree. Although I have found a way to somewhere else, somewhere much different from here. I only wanted to ask if you wanted to go there."

"As I said before, everything I need is here. This place is where I am, and I want to stay and continue on as I have. Why should I care," the haze remarked, "About somewhere else?"

"They have knowledge." stated the ball. The haze began to twist into various shapes, and swam around very spontaneously, quickly moving from one part of the nothingness to another.It flew fantastically around the white ball.

"Why am I doing this?" said the haze.

"You are curious," said the ball. "I'm not sure, but it means that you want to know something, that you want to gain knowledge." The haze seemed to consider this, and began to swim very rapidly again in the nothingness. The white ball stayed still. And the humming grew louder. "There is nothing to lose. If you want to know about things beyond this place, it is waiting for you."

The haze stopped abruptly. It settled back to where it originally was, and it could hardly be seen. The only evidence of it being there is that the white ball appeared distorted because the haze was standing in front of it.

"Maybe I do."


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Sat Feb 11, 2006 4:46 am
Sam wrote a review...



Hey, this is pretty good! I'd have to agree with Snoink though on the grammar...and some of it is just awkward. But we'll fix that, eh?

'Nothing. There was absolutely nothing. One could say that it resembled space, that it was just darkness. But it wasn't darkness. It was nothing. No sky, no ground. No air to breath, no earth to touch.

The nothingness was vast, and unending. It was so still, with no noise and nothing that could break the silence. No one lived here. No one could. For no one could live in nothing. '

This is vair, vair...redundantly redundant. You'd be best off taking most of it out, with the exception of a few lines, so that it sounds like this:

'Nothing. There was absolutely nothing- a vast and unending [void], so still with no noise and nothing that could break the silence.'

The bit about the 'no one lived here' is sort of duh. It leaves a heavy clunk at the end of a perfectly good sentence. That's why that's gone...


'It had no order, no structure. '

Get rid of that line, since you've already said that. (Pretty much, anyway.)

'humming its monotonous hum'

Pick a word other than 'hum' at the end- maybe buzz or drone. It's an okayish description as it is, but since it's at the end of a sentence, I'd try to really make it good.

The dialogue between the haze and the ball isn't exactly grammatically sound but I think Snoink caught most of that so we'll leave that be. :wink:

Anyway...good job on the piece, and see you around. :D




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Sat Feb 11, 2006 4:29 am
Snoink wrote a review...



It had no order, no structure. What was up and what was down was irrelevant in a place like this. But when I said that nothing lived here, I lied. Or maybe I didn't. Because I am not sure it was living.


What you are doing is switching from third person to first person. It's very awkward. I would elimate these sentences and just go on with the sudden change.

The dialogue grammar is not up to par. I know, the whole of the story is not bad, but the grammar is weighing it down. It should be:

"I have come to ask if you want knowledge," the white ball replied. The haze expanded.

"I have come to ask you something," said the white ball. Its form spun, then stopped, then spun in another direction every time it uttered a word.

Why write it this way? Because dialogue doesn't just end with what is being said. Instead, it ends with the words "he said." That's what ends the dialogue.

Remember: after every question (questions usually start with a who, what, where, when, how, and why beginning) it always ends with a question mark. Several times, you do not have a question mark.

It is an interesting story. Just work on the grammar.




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Sat Feb 11, 2006 4:10 am
Zelithan says...



Read it. Scifish. I sometimes write stuff like this when i am serios but never continue.It was ok to good. Continue and you will improve.




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Sat Feb 11, 2006 3:36 am
Black Ghost says...



I hope everyone likes my new story!





"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"
— Albus Dumbledore