Hullo! So this is the chapter from Steve the woodlouse, awesome
Specifics
1. Lovely start - it gives us some solid character development and also reminds us who Steve is and what he does on this ship.
2.
You've lost me a little here - I'm not sure what a match-up is or what's significant about it. The sentences in this paragraph are generally covering unfamiliar things - what's an apprentices' league table and is that a key detail? It feels like a detour we probably don't need.Hopefully his boss, Mr Pondek, wouldn’t come back from the mentors’ meeting with a match-up for him today. He’d completed his assigned task in a leisurely ten minutes, which was quite fast – or as he preferred to say, careless – enough for him. He’d spent the past half hour doodling designs for a new viewing platform on the back of an apprentices’ league table.
3. Why are there tidal generators on a ship? I'm quite intrigues by the idea but again it feels like we're being given a lot of new pieces of information and I'm not sure which are significant and should therefore be remembered.
4.
I think the last sentence would flow more smoothly as 'But it was snuffed out as soon as the door was shut.' - the passive phrasing is starting to pile up a bit too much in this chapter.As Mr Pondek opened the door and waddled back into the room – he wasn’t a duck, he was just a cricket who couldn’t be bothered to lift his feet properly – there was a brief strip of light laid over the centre of the room. It was snuffed out as soon as the door shut, though.
5.
Is this a comment on the short memory of most animals? I'd presumed with their granted ability of speech and general awakeness that this would include other human aspects like more long term memory. In which case, a week is far too short a time to set the same task again and hope nobody remembers.“You’re not supposed to remember that, idiot.” Mr Pondek chuckled. “How are you meant to test yourself if you just do the whole thing from memory?”
6. I'm not sure why Steve is doing puzzles instead of productive work? Apprentices are normally given tasks which are small and can be easily fixed if done wrong but generally in a work environment even the trainees are given things to do which have a real impact, partly because companies don't like to over-hire and need every person but also because doing solely theoretical stuff is very frustrating.
7. Okay at least Steve shows frustration - that's good!
8.
I still find this a bit odd - how did they know what the robot looked like before they found it? It's fine for one character to make a joke about it but it seems weird to continue that or to give it any real merit? I figured Treego was meaning it would generally look like one of the insects.Mr Pondek had shown so little interest when he’d returned that he suspected he really had just been selected because he looked so similar to the tiny robot.
9. The chapter time skips a bit at the end and I didn't realise at first that he'd already gone to the info center - maybe try to smooth that out more.
Overall
It's a fun idea to have a chapter from Steve's point of view and kind of kookie but I think it would be good to give us a clue earlier on about how this relates to the main plot - i.e. the research on the nanobot. At the moment the chapter kind of wanders for a few paragraphs and introduces new themes which we're not sure have a purpose and doesn't really get on track until the end third. Perhaps Steve could try to bring it up with his boss and be told not to worry about it and that there are exercises he should work on instead?
Other than that, I thought this was a pretty solid chapter.
All the best,
~Heather
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