Young Writers Society

This poem was really good! I loved the ending, that was perfect! I can relate to this poem a lot.
I do think that the "My parents aren't home" part wasn't too repetitive, but I think you should cut back on them a bit, but not to much, because they're what make the last line great!
I also thought that it would be nice if the main character got into a little more trouble... But then again, I also love how short and sweet this poem is, so that isn't such a big deal.
Overall, excellent poem! I loved how relatable it was! Keep on writing, and have a wonderful day or night!

This poem was really good! I loved the ending, that was perfect! I can relate to this poem a lot.
I do think that the "My parents aren't home" part wasn't too repetitive, but I think you should cut back on them a bit, but not to much, because they're what make the last line great!
I also thought that it would be nice if the main character got into a little more trouble... But then again, I also love how short and sweet this poem is, so that isn't such a big deal.
Overall, excellent poem! I loved how relatable it was! Keep on writing, and have a wonderful day or night!

This poem was really good! I loved the ending, that was perfect! I can relate to this poem a lot.
I do think that the "My parents aren't home" part wasn't too repetitive, but I think you should cut back on them a bit, but not to much, because they're what make the last line great!
I also thought that it would be nice if the main character got into a little more trouble... But then again, I also love how short and sweet this poem is, so that isn't such a big deal.
Overall, excellent poem! I loved how relatable it was! Keep on writing, and have a wonderful day or night!

First off, welcome to YWS! I’m so glad you joined!

Secondly, same. This poem is extremely relatable. I love being able to go home, and finally enter complete weeb mode! My family never really tends to be out, so I just shut myself up in my room with my phone and a pair of earbuds. But when they’re gone, I can move to the living room and finally watch on a large screen without having to hear the question, “what’s that one about?” I’ll show my family some shows, but I’d hate for them to see everything else I watch!

Anyway, back to what I’m supposed to be doing:

The repetition you used really contributed to the overall excitement, and eventually, disappointment felt in this poem. In addition, all of the lines were of similar length so the poem flows well.

Most of my reviews consist of me correcting people’s grammar or spelling, but for this, I don’t have to do it! Thanks!

Overall, I really love this. I can’t wait to read more of your writing! Keep at it!

Good-whatever-part-of-your-day-this-is,

I saw this and related very much, so here's my review!

I totally feel this poem, it felt like a memory instead of a work of literary art. I have a large family, so my house is pretty much never empty, but every once in a great while, it happens that I'm the only one home. The feel of freedom is strong, what should i do in my pleasant solitude? The possibilities are endless; i could have a snack, watch a movie, listen to music in the living room instead of my basement bedroom! But alas, the other residents always return too soon.

On to my critique! I like that every action verse in this poem is split up by the repeated "My parents aren't home" verse. The end feels lacking though, i feel that as i read the last two verses, my stomach wants to drop with empathetic disappointment, but the end dulls out. I think you need to change the last verse so that the sadness of the writer is more evident, but that's just me.

Your grammar and spelling are great, i think that your use of punctuation very much adds to your work.

Overall this was a job well done
Have an awesome day and keep on writing!

Radrook here a once again
to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend.
It isn’t my intention.

Please feel full free to cast aside
all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true
by being extra careful.

That having been said:


Thanks for sharing this poem that expresses the things that are done while the parents aren't home. Actually, none of the things described by themselves are anything that the parents would be upset about such as grabbing a favorite blanket, warming something in the microwave, eating chips and soda, and taking a peek into the fridge except the unsupervised access to netflix.

Parental control of the Internet could easily prevent that access so the fact that it is accessible indicates parental negligence. After all, there are many things on the Internet a child should never see. So leaving a child with full Internet access is definitely not good parenting.

So the poem could be viewed in two ways by different readers. A reader who is of the same age range as the speaker might just see it as merely funny. In contrast,a reader who is a parent might see it as an example of parental negligence in leaving Netflix accessible to a child or adolescent in that irresponsible way.

As for the poem’s format and style, the repetition goes well with the age-group being portrayed as celebrating the opportunity to watch Netflix without parental supervision. I really have no suggestions except perhaps to say

"Ï am just getting started." instead of "....was getting started." since the rest of the poem is in the present tense.

Very interesting read for me. Looking forward to reading more of your work.


Addendum

How to set parental control on Netflix
https://help.netflix.com/en/node/264

I enjoyed this poem. You keep it simple, but not every waking moment in our life needs to be needlessly and meticulously explicated. I think this poem is a good reminder of that. The twist at the end is subtle and amusing.

The microwave going off when the speaker is eating soda and chips doesn't make sense. Especially since the speaker doesn't open the microwave, but instead sits down to watch anime. Maybe that adds a layer of depth to the poem, because the speaker isn't realizing that their parents were home all along. Or maybe I'm just looking too far into it.