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I Feel Colors

by Bina Fun

I feel in color

I see in emotions

I cried in blue

The dark blue at the bottom of a lake in late December

The foamy blue of the waves crashing on the rocks

The empty blue of my mind

I feel in color

I see in emotions

I raged in red.

The unpredictable red of a flickering flame in a fireplace of an unloving household

The angry red fire waiting to burn down the forest of life and blessings built up surrounding me

The bursting red of my heart

I feel in color

I see in emotions

I hoped in green

The perfect, soft, green grass of in early spring

The deep, safe green of the forest canopy that protects me from the rain

The living...growing hopefulness in the green of my eyes

I feel in color

I see in emotions

I enjoy in yellow.

The calm, happy yellow of the sunshine of my back in mid-summer

The comforting yellow of warm beach sand under my feet

The fulfilling yellow of my sunbleached hair in summer

I used to feel colors

I used to see emotions


Lately, I feel grey

Grey doesn't have fear, sadness, anger… or happiness, hope, and fulfillment

I don’t see the colours of my life, memories, or future

The worst part is that I know I should be scared but I feel nothing.

Until I get my rainbow back I see without color

Until I get my color I live empty, stuck in black and white.

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20 Reviews

Points: 655
Reviews: 20

Fri Apr 10, 2020 6:35 pm
StarlitMind wrote a review...

This was really beautiful! The first three lines caught my interest, and it never waned. I loved your imagery :)
I have a suggestion. Throughout the poem, when you repeated the I feel and I see, you used present tense, present tense, then past tense. (ex: I feel in color/ I see in emotions/ I cried in blue)
This was pretty consistent, but then you wrote "I feel in color/ I see in emotions/ I enjoy in yellow"
I suggest making it "I enjoyed in yellow" but of course you don't have to. Maybe you did that for a specific reason and I missed it.
Thank you for sharing! It was quite lovely. I really enjoyed reading it. <3

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6 Reviews

Points: 61
Reviews: 6

Wed Apr 01, 2020 3:09 am
bpmzcpl says...

Wow! This is way good. Thanks for sharing.

Bina Fun says...

thank you!

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49 Reviews

Points: 7727
Reviews: 49

Tue Mar 31, 2020 2:00 am
Liminality wrote a review...

I love how you've structured your poem here!

1.) Usually, I find ellipsis in poems a bit unnecessary, but I thought the way you used it in “The living...growing hopefulness in the green of my eyes” really reflects the words, conveys the wonder of feeling hope, so that was a big strong point of this piece for me.
2.) The lines you repeat throughout the poem I found apt and insightful "I feel in color// I see in emotions" subverts expectations, but makes sense the longer you think about it, which makes effective figurative language.
3.) I noticed that sound effects are prominent in your lines, which make it a pleasure to read out loud. "a flickering flame in a fireplace" stood out to me because of all the alliteration.
4.) Personally, I would've like to see more of these effects in the final lines. While I get the idea of making these lines 'flatter' in a sense to reflect the emotion of feeling 'grey', some of them read like plain sentences to me, and could be less memorable than the rest of this poem.

As a whole, though, this was a strong piece of work! I thoroughly enjoyed your perspective on emotions; hopefully you find these comments helpful - and keep writing!


Bina Fun says...

Thank you, Liminality. I understand what you're talking about near the closing. While writing this I think I did that to show when in the "grey" state of mind there IS less color, almost making it seem plain. Thank you for the feedback, I'll try to do a better job of showing that to the readers in the future.

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32 Reviews

Points: 1600
Reviews: 32

Tue Mar 31, 2020 1:22 am
EthanHoover wrote a review...

Wonderful job, a very compelling poem. I loved the descriptions of the colors/emotions, and I think they tie together perfectly. I also appreciate the overall theme of the poem, you pulled it off well.

They only changes I might make are minor grammatical errors, and they're nothing to worry about, but here they are regardless:

"Enjoy" is present-tense, but the other verbs are past-tense, so maybe use "enjoyed" instead.

"The living...growing hopefulness" could stand to lose the ellipses, maybe replaced with a comma, eg. "The living, growing hopefulness."

"...fear, sadness, anger… or happiness, hope, and fulfillment" might work better as "...fear, sadness, anger… nor happiness, hope, or fulfillment". This one's a VERY slight error, so it's a judgement call.

Other than(and in spite of) those issues, this poem is wonderful! None of the things I pointed out are glaring, probably not even *noticeable* to most readers, so don't worry about them if you don't want to. Keep up the good work, and I hope you've gotten your colors back(or else get them back soon)!

Bina Fun says...

Thank you for the feedback. I'm trying Ethan (o^ ^o)

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26 Reviews

Points: 26
Reviews: 26

Tue Mar 31, 2020 1:20 am
redvictory wrote a review...

This reminds me a lot of my synaesthesia! The color imagery is really on point and personal. It feels a lot more poetic than mine... my synaesthesia is pretty much just colors having taste and texture. This emotional connotation is a lot more interesting to read, haha!

I loooove your imagery so much! The three lines that follow each color are so vivid and well-done. My favorite is the bit about the yellow, especially the beach.

I will say, the three lines that repeat feel a little much. I think you could leave them at the beginning, then just keep the "I ____ed in ___." That would keep the repetition without feeling like I'm reading the same thing over and over!

I wouldn't be afraid to keep experimenting with more technical sides of poetry! This would be a lot clearer to read if you broke it up into individual stanzas based on color. You could also always do more with punctuation and capitalization, too! It's something that comes with practice, but something to keep in mind for the future. Those do a lot to subtly add different connotations to lines. :)

It seems like you have a great foundation in poetry, though! I like the way you go from past tense into present tense when you talk about gray. That's a nice little technical way to get your point across! Thank you for sharing, I hope I helped some! :D

Bina Fun says...

Thank you, I think the idea of tastes and textures going with colors is very interesting! I will try separating the colors into stanzas in my poem.

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29 Reviews

Points: 415
Reviews: 29

Tue Mar 31, 2020 1:17 am
Lia5Giba wrote a review...

Hello! I know what you mean here. I feel this story, truly and deeply.

That being said, without bias, let's get into this.

This poem describes how the feeling of numbness perfectly. Describing feelings as colors and then contrasting them with gray is a great way to symbolize depression and numbness. The line "The worst part is that I know I should be scared but I feel nothing..." that hits deep for me. I think it might hit hard for others as well. Although I might change that line to "The worst part is that I should be scared, but I feel nothing." Put in that comma and delete the "I know," and in my opinion it flows better.

I read poems to feel things. And you took me through many emotions. Sadness, anger/passion, hope, happiness... I felt twinges of them all. In terms of emotions, I felt it here. For that, good job.

However, I do have a suggestion or two. For instance, the punctuation at the ends of each line. It's inconsistent. If I were you, if you use periods, then you should use other punctuation points too, such as semicolons and commas. If you introduce one punctuation point, then it flows better (in my opinion) if you use semicolons and commas, too. However, you don't have to follow this suggestion. It might just be a personal preference.

I can tell that you put real emotion in this. And the poem shows. I liked it a lot, especially since I can identify with it. And because I bet others will identify it, they will like it too.

Bina Fun says...

Alright, Thank you Lia!

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