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millennia from now

by AvantCoffee

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12 Reviews

Points: 1157
Reviews: 12

Wed Oct 23, 2019 10:11 pm
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rana_noodles wrote a review...

I love the description in this poem! It makes everything so clear, but somehow there's still some ambiguity in it, things that are up to the reader to decide what they think. For example, I was thinking about another planet, Genesis, that was in 'Defy the Stars' (I'm not sure if I should cite the author, but she is Claudia Gray if I should). Everything was so easy to visualize, and I loved that.
Another thing that sparked my interest was 'eye corner sleep'. Is that the actual term for it? It's something I've always wondered, but this is the first time I've seen somebody make an actual reference to it.
This was a really quick review, but I hope it was helpful!
(If it wasn't, please tell me how to improve!)
-Rana Noodles

AvantCoffee says...

Haha yeah, %u2018eye corner sleep%u2019 is pretty much an actual term. %u2018Sleep%u2019 definitely is, but I figure that would have been confused with being asleep %u2013 although it%u2019s all meant to imply a mass state of rest. Thanks for reviewing this poem!

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Points: 61
Reviews: 4

Tue Oct 22, 2019 4:50 pm
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Benji wrote a review...

Very nice imagery, and I like the use of the break with "but memory is gone." I felt a little confused at first when i saw (at least on my mobile device it might skew the wording and if that is the case disregard this) at the end of this poem it reads "a passing starmap with no" and then cuts on to the next string of words ending with "no" at each end, some commas would help break it up into an easier read. Otherwise, I really enjoyed the way you used words that fit the scene, words like Sediment, Deconstructed, and chalky. Words like this are a fitting choice for something almost apocalyptic and earthly, and it provides a good sense of imagery to my mind's eye. Thanks for the great read! I'd love to see more of this.

AvantCoffee says...

Thanks for the review! The lines cutting off at %u2018no%u2019 are intentional and flow onto the lines proceeding them, so I feel having commas will interrupt the content and rhythm there %u2013 it was actually my intention to have very little punctuation in this poem to go with the apocalyptic %u2018human%u2019 absence. It%u2019s good to know those words I used are well received. Thanks again for reviewing this!

The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
— Patrick Star