Hi!I love the description in this poem! It makes everything so clear, but somehow there's still some ambiguity in it, things that are up to the reader to decide what they think. For example, I was thinking about another planet, Genesis, that was in 'Defy the Stars' (I'm not sure if I should cite the author, but she is Claudia Gray if I should). Everything was so easy to visualize, and I loved that. Another thing that sparked my interest was 'eye corner sleep'. Is that the actual term for it? It's something I've always wondered, but this is the first time I've seen somebody make an actual reference to it. This was a really quick review, but I hope it was helpful!(If it wasn't, please tell me how to improve!) -Rana Noodles
Very nice imagery, and I like the use of the break with "but memory is gone." I felt a little confused at first when i saw (at least on my mobile device it might skew the wording and if that is the case disregard this) at the end of this poem it reads "a passing starmap with no" and then cuts on to the next string of words ending with "no" at each end, some commas would help break it up into an easier read. Otherwise, I really enjoyed the way you used words that fit the scene, words like Sediment, Deconstructed, and chalky. Words like this are a fitting choice for something almost apocalyptic and earthly, and it provides a good sense of imagery to my mind's eye. Thanks for the great read! I'd love to see more of this.
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