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16+ Mature Content


by AvantCoffee

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

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5 Reviews

Points: 562
Reviews: 5

Sun Oct 27, 2019 2:56 am
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alittlelost wrote a review...

I am no expert but from a reader’s perspective I find this piece really well put together. I enjoy the structure as it differentiates from most, making it appear intriguing and refreshing at first glance. The emphasis, pauses and the thoughts in between are also a great touch and I think it flows really nicely. My favourite lines would have to be the last few lines, the ones about the ‘dense starbreath’ and how it collapses. Magical.

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163 Reviews

Points: 2388
Reviews: 163

Sat Oct 19, 2019 3:32 pm
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4revgreen wrote a review...

Hi there, Che here for a quick review. I'm still getting back into the swing of reviewing after a break but I'll do my best.
First of all, I really loved the structure of the poem; it really jumped off the page and made the poem a lot more interesting to read. I think structure is really important in poetry and that not enough people are brave enough to play around this.
Now, I don't know enough about poetry to analyse this to a professional degree or anything but I thought it was absolutely fantastic. You were able to articulate it in such a way that was both beautiful and elaborate yet easy to understand.
My favourite line was the one about daredevils, daredemons and dareangels.
Sorry that I could not go into much more detail; I honestly can't really see anything that needs improving.
Keep writing!
-che :-)

AvantCoffee says...

Nah, it's good to have this kind of general feedback. c: Thanks for reviewing this!

4revgreen says...

No problem :-) Your poem has kind of inspired me to try writing some myself again aha

AvantCoffee says...

Ah that's great! I hope the best for you if you decide to! c:

"We're just all nosy little busybodies."
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi