Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General

16+ Mature Content

me/you

by AvantCoffee


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
5 Reviews


Points: 562
Reviews: 5

Donate
Sun Oct 27, 2019 2:56 am
View Likes
alittlelost wrote a review...



I am no expert but from a reader’s perspective I find this piece really well put together. I enjoy the structure as it differentiates from most, making it appear intriguing and refreshing at first glance. The emphasis, pauses and the thoughts in between are also a great touch and I think it flows really nicely. My favourite lines would have to be the last few lines, the ones about the ‘dense starbreath’ and how it collapses. Magical.




User avatar
108 Reviews


Points: 2609
Reviews: 108

Donate
Sat Oct 19, 2019 3:32 pm
View Likes
4revgreen wrote a review...



Hi there, Che here for a quick review. I'm still getting back into the swing of reviewing after a break but I'll do my best.
First of all, I really loved the structure of the poem; it really jumped off the page and made the poem a lot more interesting to read. I think structure is really important in poetry and that not enough people are brave enough to play around this.
Now, I don't know enough about poetry to analyse this to a professional degree or anything but I thought it was absolutely fantastic. You were able to articulate it in such a way that was both beautiful and elaborate yet easy to understand.
My favourite line was the one about daredevils, daredemons and dareangels.
Sorry that I could not go into much more detail; I honestly can't really see anything that needs improving.
Keep writing!
-che :-)




AvantCoffee says...


Nah, it's good to have this kind of general feedback. c: Thanks for reviewing this!



4revgreen says...


No problem :-) Your poem has kind of inspired me to try writing some myself again aha



AvantCoffee says...


Ah that's great! I hope the best for you if you decide to! c:




The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
— Patrick Star