Young Writers Society

My heart leaped at: "Dress nice, or Andi will throw a fit." I'm so excited~~ I suppose Mavon put on her show of incredulity for the sake of other people in the library? They must not have been alone, or else she wouldn't have tried to discourage him like that before setting up the meeting.

I think I learned something new today. The Alamo was once a chapel. Thanks for the little tidbit--it was well-integrated.

Elijah's Korean! I now have a more refined mental image of him. ^_^

I knew as soon as he started following the purple hair that he was making a mistake.
"somewhere between gorgeous and grotesque"--that phrase made my eyes widen. Amazing.

At first, I thought the creature actually was Mavon in her "true form" or whatever. However, when Mavon appeared and acted distressed that Elijah had given that thing the bookmark, I changed my mind. There's obviously some enemy out there who shouldn't have all that information.

As for Andi, they did not disappoint. There's too many little, delightful details for me to react to them all. I try to write my reviews like I would write annotations, with moment-by-moment emotional responses to particular parts of the story, but Andi is just overwhelming. I suppose my favorite part was this:

" "Oh, you're Kitty's guest!" Andi bounced on their toes and clapped their hands together, looking more like an excited child than an extravagant socialite, then gathered themself and straightened out their dress."

I can just hear their voice in my head. Now, the pronoun "they" referring to Andi is going to take a little getting used to, but I think it's the best choice. I struggle a bit with thinking of "they" as more than one person, but I did read somewhere that it can be correctly used in English to refer to a single person of unknown (or no/both) gender.

Now, there is something that I was awkwardly but immediately curious about when you described them as wearing a purple dress. Does Andi have, um, a rounded chest, so to speak? I think you could incorporate the presence or absence of boobs (sorry >_<) into your original description of them. I'm currently assuming Andi's flat-chested because Elijah didn't seem to immediately think of them as a female, despite the dress. He seemed rather unsure. Though, of course, he was dazzled.

As I expected, Andi is now my official favorite character. They're just as squee-worthy and delightful as I had hoped.

Hey, Ark!

Characters:

Mavon: Meh on the acting at the library. Not horrible, but come on, he saw her name on the bookmark, she's going to have to do better than that to convince him. I actually like that she didn't really seem like she was trying to convince him, considering how ready she was to give him the club address and go for info. Hmm... At the moment, my call would be that she's wanted to tell him for a while now, maybe even made sure he ended up with the bookmark, and is just trying to cover her back with the feeble attempt to say "No, that's crazy."

Elijah: Oh, come on, 'Lijah, you seriously believe her acting for even a moment? I suppose you could go for thinking maybe the bookmark was fictional, given it's a library, but seriously, she's practically telling you.

I know people might get all up in arms about him handing the bookmark over, but I don't really blame him. Survival instinct, at least. I do wish he'd have a moment's worry of "why does it want it so bad?" though, even if he doesn't hesitate to hand it over anyway.

Andi: Hmm. Genderqueer or perhaps some type of multiple (hey, you never know with sci-fi), based on those pronouns. Still, kind of surprised 'Lijah didn't assume based on that dress- he has glanced at strangers before and thought of them as male or female, so him immediately knowing Andi is genderqueer, of what form currently unspecifed, strikes me as a little off. Andi isn't described as dressing androgynously, after all- at the moment, the description is fairly feminine. Maybe have Elijah assume a gender and get corrected later on? As to other things about Andi- they act pretty shallow and light, but I sense a conniving mind hidden by that quirky exterior.

Homeless monster guy: Lessee... Ugly, animalistic, but can speak and knows what to get, so has some level of intelligence.

Mechanics:

he could have told

in case of one girl with stunning green hair

He didn't know how he'd mistaken the thing for Mavon; it was obviously much taller than her, and built much larger.