Hi @Ari11 I'm here to do a short review on this, I'm sorry it took so long I wasn't feeling very well, but let's get straight into it.
Albert opened the fridge to see barren shelves; nothing but a small cup of expired yogurt sat in the very back. He sighed, scratching his head.
I can tell that this guy doesn't get out much, Yo Albert maybe you should start doing more. You know get out the house, have some fun.
Guess it's time to go grocery shopping, He thought, grabbing his keys from the counter. He pulled a jacket on over his nightshirt, as well as an old pair of jeans. Then, hair still matted with sleep, he swung open the door.
Dude at least put your cloths on properly, and you know clean up your hair to look presentable to the world. I feel like I need to become a character in this book who needs to come and fix this guy up a bit.
Cold air blasted inside, pushing eagerly into the cabin like an overexcited child. Albert pulled the door shut, stepping out onto the porch. Morning light filtered through the trees, casting dappled patterns on the forest floor. Huge gnarled trunks stretched toward the sky, interlacing their branches like a great fabric hanging overhead. Shrouds of mist clung to the trees, hiding from the sun.
Who I really liked this description, even though it's summer where I am I can still imagine the feeling of this cold air blasting past him like this. I love reading descriptions like this and I can already see that this is defiantly your strong point.
Albert took a deep, pine-scented breath. The forest was so slow, so old, so alive. Birds chirped in the distance as small animals raced through the brush, rustling like hidden wind. And underneath it all was this low, practically imperceptible hum, like the sound of trees growing.
When description like this comes up it helps me to close my eyes and imagen it all properly in my head, along with all the sounds. It gives me a better feeling for it, and it really is good imagery.
I love it here, Albert thought as he made his way down the porch steps. So quiet and untouched.
He hated to leave it, especially for the polluted bustle of the city. But hamburgers didn't grow on trees, and right now that was exactly what he was craving.
You know when you really do love your home that is what you should be saying. Hey hamburgers aren't good for you, you should go and get some healthy food like fruit or something. His craving comforting food because his depressed right.
He inserted the keys into the lock of an old Dodge truck. Its faded red paint had worn away in patches to reveal the silver underneath. Albert had to push pretty hard to get the key to turn, finally opening the door with a rusty clunk. He pulled it open and climbed inside, starting the ignition with some difficulty. Backing out of the driveway, he turned down the road, finally beginning the two-hour trip into town.
Aww don't you just love the look of an old truck, if it's on and still going you know that it's doing what it's supposed to do. Aaaa two hours! Okay that's a long drive, I kind of feel sorry for him now, but still two hours there and back and you still don't want to fix your hair. Hmm is it me who has issues or is it him who just doesn't care about anything.
I really liked reading this chapter as did I with the last one and I'm going to hopefully try to get to the next one today as well. I don't really have any suggestions for this chapter other then, maybe work on making the chapters a little longer. But if I was being harsh, I'm really sorry that was not my intention, I'm only saying what I think might be helpful, I hope to read more of your chapters, keep up the great work.
I hope you have a great day/night witch ever side of the world you're on.
@Dossereana Flying Over The Green Room And Spreading Shards Of Encouragement