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(Vampire) Temp tittle! (part 3)

by Anma


Chapter 3

Gia wolk up suddenly, it wasn’t a dream that did it. Just a jerky movement from under her head. She opened her eyes to deep space. Gia could make out a few figures around her. Each asleep, she slightly moved but her head bonked someone else.

“Owww,” a boys voice said.

Gia turned her head slowly to the side. She didn’t know that her head had been resting on someone's shoulder. She looked up at the complaining boy and could see the light blonde hair strands mixed in with his dirty blonde hair.

“Are you okay?” She said patting her head.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were there.”

The boy just smiled at her politely

“Its okay” he reached for his jacket wrapped around him.

“You cold? It gets chilly in here at night.”

“Sorta” Gia smiled, he handed it to her.

“There you go,” he said slipping away.

“Wait,” Gia said, “is it still okay to rest my head on your shoulder.”

“Oh,” the boy laughed sitting back down.

“Sure.”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Gia wolk up in the morning her head throbbing. The blonde boy still right beside her. Except for this time his arms were around her waist.

“I just don’t want her to fall,” he said scowling at a boy in the back.

He was laughing about something.

“Excuses, excuses,” the boy said, his silky black hair flopping in front of his face.

A brown haired girl sat next to him, her hair in a messy bun. She looked up from the ground meeting Gia’s eyes. A smile slowly crossed her face.

“Hey!” She says, “your awake!”

The carriage hit a bump and Gia could feel the grip loosen on her waist.

“Wow,” Gia said hitting the ground.

The boy across from them laughed harder.

“Congratulations Carson, you just dropped the girl when you were afraid she’d fall.”

Gia rubbed her thigh, and another girl moved toward her kneeling.

“Are you okay sweety?” she said taking Gia's hand.

The girl helped her to the wooden seat. Gia didn’t notice how souer her body was from it. She sat down on the jacket that had fallen off.

“Thank you,” Gia said.

The girl sat next to her.

“It's dangerous when the things moving.”

She nodded her head.

“So just stay sitting down okay??”

“Ya,” Carson said from by her, “sorry about that” he rubbed his hair.

Gia just looked at him, his hazel eyes meet hers and he smiled.


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Sat May 11, 2019 8:34 am
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Liberty500 wrote a review...



Hello Anma!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on obviously. I'm here to give the awesome chapter of yours a review! Let's get right into it now, shall we?

Alright, so I love the description that you've added in here. And not many spelling mistakes, so great job! *claps* Also, I have a question: What does 'Temp title' mean? You've used it in your tittle and I never found out what it meant, so maybe if you could answer this, I'd very much appreciate it. :P Okay, so there were a few teeny weeny things that I'd like to point out, 'cause why not? That's what I do! ;)

Starting from right... here:

“Owww,” a boys voice said.


The bold word needs an apostrophe (') after the 'y'. Or else it'll sound like multiple boys said owww, if ya know what I mean. :P

The boy just smiled at her politely


You didn't put any punctuation mark at the end of this sentence, so maybe a period (.) would do good. :)

“Wait,” Gia said, “is it still okay to rest my head on your shoulder.”


You didn't exactly use the correct punctuation mark here... It'd be better if you used a question mark at the end, don't ya think?

Gia wolk up in the morning her head throbbing.


The bold word is misspelled. Did you by any chance mean to write 'woke', instead?

The girl helped her to the wooden seat. Gia didn’t notice how souer her body was from it. She sat down on the jacket that had fallen off.


Did you by any chance mean to write 'sore' instead of 'souer'?

“So just stay sitting down okay??”


Erm, over here... I don't suggest using two question marks (?) unless it was an accident, which I can totally understand. :D Oh, and one last thing at the last sentence, you used a different tense for 'meet' than the rest of your sentence. If you wrote 'met' instead, it would sound better in your sentence since it's past tense. Well, that's it for me over here! I enjoyed reading this chapter and I can't wait for the next one! :mrgreen:

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500





I'm effortlessly ironic.
— Link Neal