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The Tower

by Anamel


Cigarettes stunted on wildflowers,
Sizzling under evening showers,
Rested under a oldfangled tower,
Stunk with a smell ever so rotting and sour

Accompanied by a hardy boy,
Hiding a bitter but sweet joy
Whispering of freedom and regrets,
A face drenched with tears and sweat

In his pockets roll two haunted eyes,
A reflection of a father's revolting lies
He runs from the edge of the earth,
Passing through the threshold of rebirth.


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11 Reviews


Points: 146
Reviews: 11

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Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:21 pm
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saint1y wrote a review...



When I was reading this, it came into my head that this could be an amazing song if it was lengthened. I really do think that this is amazing. I love the rhythm, the tune it created in my head and how it brought me into the poem with every word.
As always the punctuation may be a little off but apart from that I love it.
Keep writing!!




Anamel says...


thank you



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14 Reviews


Points: 75
Reviews: 14

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Thu Aug 08, 2019 11:55 pm
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Zrillis wrote a review...



This is dark and interesting. Only thing i am confused on is the title. I don't feel The Tower fits for its tittle. Beyond that you have deep imagery and great descriptions. The message of darkness is great and clear.

Your writing is good but there is always room to get better no matter how good it is.

Always look at what you have and reread. Thats where my biggest issues lie, I don't want to reread anything because i want it to be perfect on my very first draft.

This piece is very intriguing. I hope i have said useful stuff




Anamel says...


I agree, I couldn't think of a good name lol



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14 Reviews


Points: 75
Reviews: 14

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Thu Aug 08, 2019 11:53 pm
Zrillis says...






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42 Reviews


Points: 8
Reviews: 42

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Thu Aug 08, 2019 7:50 pm
seekingthetruth says...



thier is nothing wrong with this its abosulty perfect , the words you use are formidable you created a tower around you its dark and compelling but sure I am in a dark place right now and probably not the best thig to read but it is so addictive especialy this line " in his pockets roll two haunted eyes , a reflection of a fathers revolting lies" I mean what a sentence , what astanza it is just brilliant to see you do such amazing things which words that are normal to us I am astonished and I hope this gets featured on the spotlight becuase it is so great I am lost for words now but it is really effective congrats

seeking the truth




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42 Reviews


Points: 8
Reviews: 42

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Thu Aug 08, 2019 7:50 pm
seekingthetruth wrote a review...



thier is nothing wrong with this its abosulty perfect , the words you use are formidable you created a tower around you its dark and compelling but sure I am in a dark place right now and probably not the best thig to read but it is so addictive especialy this line " in his pockets roll two haunted eyes , a reflection of a fathers revolting lies" I mean what a sentence , what astanza it is just brilliant to see you do such amazing things which words that are normal to us I am astonished and I hope this gets featured on the spotlight becuase it is so great I am lost for words now but it is really effective congrats

seeking the truth




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36 Reviews


Points: 639
Reviews: 36

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Thu Aug 08, 2019 7:27 pm
demoncat wrote a review...



Hello demoncat here for a review.

And I must say wow! This is so cool. I love the overall feeling you have with this poem. It's amazing. And i really can't find anything to really critic either seeing as it is so good. I really and truly love this! And I hope you write more soon because I WILL DEFINITELY read it. This is awesome! You go! Woo!




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Points: 509
Reviews: 3

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Thu Aug 08, 2019 3:40 pm
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TaioniaAeren wrote a review...



This is pretty dark, but in a good way. It's compelling; I'm not sure what's happened, I'm not sure I want to know, but I read the poem over three times anyway.

It's weirdly captivating. Sometimes the beat feels a little off, but that makes it more memorable, somehow. On the one hand, the beat feels wrong, but then you read it over again, and it feels right.

Looking back, that sentence made zero sense.

Anyway, the only thing that I really think needs any work here is the rhyming--some of it felt a little off. But I get that there's only so much that you can do with rhyming to still get the effect that you want.

Overall, I think this is a real piece of art. I'm glad I got to read it.




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16 Reviews


Points: 15
Reviews: 16

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Thu Aug 08, 2019 10:57 am
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Bhaavya Singh wrote a review...



Hiii Anamel! I thought of reviewing it earlier, but I was busy. Now, finally I got time to write this review.
Ok let's start. This is a nicely written poetry . The imagery is really good. I was able to see a boy sitting under a tower in my mind's eye. Your word choice is fantastic! The flow was amazing , the words were flowing like river water. Sometimes the rhyme scheme seemed a bit off. But overall it's nice.
Keep it up!





"Everything you can imagine is real."
— Pablo Picasso