Young Writers Society

what do you do

when you realize

that you are the one

the one who is not wanted

amongst all the others

and they would rather that you were not there

not there, because being there annoys them

being there takes away what they already had

being there isnt convenient for what they want

they want to be happy

and dont realize how bad you are hurting

they dont realize that you have no one else

no one else understands the depth of your loneliness

maybe if they walked a mile in your shows

they wouldnt avoid you

you just feel alone

hearing their voices in the other room

but knowing thay if you went out, they would wait for you to leave

what do i need to do to make myself worthy of another persons time?

little do they know

who they see is so little of the real me

i forced myself to be here

because i dont want to start another journal entry with

"today, i stayed home"

and all i want is a reason to stay with them

but i already know they would have preffered

me to stay in my room, trapped

they were only my friends

until they met better people

who are more beautiful

and worth their time

and that hurts, because i now realize that it was all fake

or maybe it was real,

but it wasnt important to you

but it was everything to me

all i had

everything i hoped

i had already planned our friendship

and told my parents,

"she's gonna be my bestfriend!"

i guess one thing you have helped me remember

is that i am really sensitive to rejection

and now i feel like there is no one

meant for me in this world

but i dont think about that too much

because i know that it would destroy me

and take away that last reason i have to leave my room

then they talk abot how much they have struggled

and all i can think

is how is it possible for you to treat me like this

after all you have gone through

its probably because i dont open up

they dont know anything about me

or who i really am

because i force myself to be the person you want me to be

but i dont have time for this

i need to be who i need to be

and i need to be strong

because if im not strong

they wont like me

i know that none of this actually matters

but that doesnt take away the loneliness

that i can barely even feel anymore

because im too focused on comparing myself

to you

everyone likes you

everyone wants to be you and sees the light in you

i bet you text them back

i know you spend time with them

i know you go on walks and spend time together

how long did it take for you to forget me?

you must still remember me

becayuse theres no way you could avoid eye contact with a person

that many times

and change the direction you walk

and change the way you head is facing

just so you didnt need to see me

i already hate myself

i dont need any more convincing of that

and you get what i want

because youre everything that everyone wants to be

compassionate, its ironic

now youre in charge of teaching me

at least youll have to recognise that i exist

that i wanted to be your friend

that i tried so hard

you know that i have no one else

or maybe you dont even remember

because youre too busy with all of the friends

who are pretty

and worth your time

but it hurts me

to be in a situation

where i cant express any of this

because i just want you to like me

still

i guess if things dont work out for you

you can just go home to your perfect family

and i'll just rot here with loneliness

as you eventually forget me

the only guys who like me

are the ones who i know

you would laugh about

behind my back

and that shouldnt matter to me

but it does

because

it just feels like too much sometimes

to try and live up to you

and all of the perfect people

who dont care to notice me

but i just dont get it

why am i not one of you?

what did i do that made me undeserving of your time

to the point that you wont even acknowledge that i exist

anyways,

thanks for hurting me i guess

at least you inspired me to start writing poetry again