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12+

thanks for hurting me, i guess

by EllieMae


what do you do

when you realize

that you are the one

the one who is not wanted

amongst all the others

and they would rather that you were not there

not there, because being there annoys them

being there takes away what they already had

being there isnt convenient for what they want

they want to be happy

and dont realize how bad you are hurting

they dont realize that you have no one else

no one else understands the depth of your loneliness

maybe if they walked a mile in your shows

they wouldnt avoid you

you just feel alone

hearing their voices in the other room

but knowing thay if you went out, they would wait for you to leave

what do i need to do to make myself worthy of another persons time?

little do they know

who they see is so little of the real me

i forced myself to be here

because i dont want to start another journal entry with

"today, i stayed home"

and all i want is a reason to stay with them

but i already know they would have preffered

me to stay in my room, trapped

they were only my friends

until they met better people

who are more beautiful

and worth their time

and that hurts, because i now realize that it was all fake

or maybe it was real,

but it wasnt important to you

but it was everything to me

all i had

everything i hoped

i had already planned our friendship

and told my parents,

"she's gonna be my bestfriend!"

i guess one thing you have helped me remember

is that i am really sensitive to rejection

and now i feel like there is no one

meant for me in this world

but i dont think about that too much

because i know that it would destroy me

and take away that last reason i have to leave my room

then they talk abot how much they have struggled

and all i can think

is how is it possible for you to treat me like this

after all you have gone through

its probably because i dont open up

they dont know anything about me

or who i really am

because i force myself to be the person you want me to be

but i dont have time for this

i need to be who i need to be

and i need to be strong

because if im not strong

they wont like me

i know that none of this actually matters

but that doesnt take away the loneliness

that i can barely even feel anymore

because im too focused on comparing myself

to you

everyone likes you

everyone wants to be you and sees the light in you

i bet you text them back

i know you spend time with them

i know you go on walks and spend time together

how long did it take for you to forget me?

you must still remember me

becayuse theres no way you could avoid eye contact with a person

that many times

and change the direction you walk

and change the way you head is facing

just so you didnt need to see me

i already hate myself

i dont need any more convincing of that

and you get what i want

because youre everything that everyone wants to be

compassionate, its ironic

now youre in charge of teaching me

at least youll have to recognise that i exist

that i wanted to be your friend

that i tried so hard

you know that i have no one else

or maybe you dont even remember

because youre too busy with all of the friends

who are pretty

and worth your time

but it hurts me

to be in a situation

where i cant express any of this

because i just want you to like me

still

i guess if things dont work out for you

you can just go home to your perfect family

and i'll just rot here with loneliness

as you eventually forget me

the only guys who like me

are the ones who i know

you would laugh about

behind my back

and that shouldnt matter to me

but it does

because

it just feels like too much sometimes

to try and live up to you

and all of the perfect people

who dont care to notice me

but i just dont get it

why am i not one of you?

what did i do that made me undeserving of your time

to the point that you wont even acknowledge that i exist

anyways,

thanks for hurting me i guess

at least you inspired me to start writing poetry again


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274 Reviews

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Reviews: 274

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Fri Jun 09, 2023 8:12 pm
cleverclogs wrote a review...



Hi, clogs here for a review!

First of all, I think that this is something that everyone can relate to at some point in their life. It's relatable for a reason - because everyone thinks at some point that they're uniquely unlikeable or unworthy of friendship, but it's never true. Everyone can find their people, and I hope that in the month since you posted this, things have been looking up.

Okay, motivational spiel aside, let's get to the review!

This poem is very raw, unfiltered, stream-of-consciousness, and I think it's effective at conveying how suffocating and overwhelming these situations can feel. The short lines and lack of structure really made me feel like I was inside the speaker's thoughts, because it reads like my inner monologue does when I feel like this. However, I think that, as a poem, it could stand to be edited down a bit. You have a lot of very poignant lines, but they get kind of lost in the weeds. I'd like to see more of things like this

i forced myself to be here

because i dont want to start another journal entry with

"today, i stayed home"


and less of things like this:

no one else understands the depth of your loneliness

maybe if they walked a mile in your shows

they wouldnt avoid you


Do you see the difference? The first quoted section is descriptive without saying all that much - I can understand so much about the speaker and their state of mind just from that. The second doesn't really tell me much about the speaker, and it has overused phrases that I've seen many times before. Some editing of this poem could really enhance its most powerful moments and make it more engaging to read.

Some proofreading and spellchecking are also in order - there are several typos that I'm guessing are not intended to be part of the style, like "thay" instead of "that" and "abot" instead of "about." Easy to miss and easy to fix.

Keep up the good work!




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172 Reviews

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Reviews: 172

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Mon May 08, 2023 10:00 am
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Roxanne wrote a review...



Hello there,

I just finished reading your poem, "Thanks for Hurting Me, I Guess," and I wanted to share my thoughts with you. First of all, I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in expressing your emotions through poetry. It takes courage to put your feelings into words and share them with others.

Your poem delves into the deep sense of loneliness and rejection you have experienced, and it's evident that these emotions have left a huge impact on you. The repetition of phrases such as "being there" and "they don't realize" effectively conveys your frustration and longing for understanding from those around you. It's a raw and relatable exploration of feeling like an outsider, unseen and unappreciated.

I can sense the conflict within you as you struggle to conform to others' expectations of who you should be. The line, "who they see is so little of the real me," encapsulates the internal battle you face between fitting in and being true to yourself. It's a poignant reminder that sometimes we feel compelled to wear masks in order to belong, even if it means suppressing our authentic selves.

Your poem also touches on the pain of seeing others move on and form new connections while you remain stuck in loneliness. The bitterness and sadness in lines like "they were only my friends until they met better people" express the deep disappointment and sense of betrayal you've experienced. It's heartbreaking to invest so much in a friendship only to realize that it wasn't reciprocated in the same way.

Despite the anguish expressed throughout the poem, I'm glad to see that writing has become an outlet for you. Poetry can be a powerful form of self-expression, and it's encouraging that you have found inspiration to start writing again. Writing can provide solace and serve as a means of processing emotions, even when it feels like no one else understands.

It's evident that you have poured your heart into these words, and they resonate with the pain and longing for acceptance that many people can relate to. Remember that your voice matters. Keep writing, and may it continue to be a source of healing and self-discovery for you.

-Rose




EllieMae says...


Thank you, Rose! I really appreciate it :))))



Roxanne says...


Most welcome, I hope that one day, any day, or even today, everything will be all right.




we went from advice to meth real quick
— ShadowVyper