Young Writers Society

Hi there.
Not bad, not bad, although not original either. Very cliché for describing depression and going so far as cutting and considering suicide. The descriptions have been done before many, many times.

Still, the lines are almost lyrical, like a poetic narrative from each stanza. That I thought was well done, and showing us the person’s plight and the quick spiraling downwards into the abyss of blackness.

I know I'm a bit late to be posting a review, but when I read this...just wow. I can't say I relate to everything here...but a lot of it if I'm honest.

The repetitive "When did I learn?" forms a steady rhythm throughout, and the intersections with first, second, etc. and the ages grouping the questions add really meaningful structure throughout. Looking at the age groupings and the corresponding lines of poetry makes me think that this character (whether fictional or based on yourself) was far too young to deal with this. And still far too many children and teenagers struggle like this.

The way you begin with ordinary things to learn, and the way it gradually escalates, creating a sense of alarm and anguish is truly incredible. Some of those questions are so raw and emotional, and the way it feels like you're looking back on your past and wondering how it ever got like this is beautiful and all too relatable.

You've done an extraordinary job creating strong emotion with a simple poem (I don't mean simple in a bad way, just referring to the repetitive structure, which makes it even more remarkable how much emotion you were able to pack into this).

To be honest, I'm lucky I only relate to some of those lines and I have seriously struggled with stuff like this in the past, and whether it's a character you created or based on your own life experiences, I hope you're doing okay.

This is really an emotional roller coaster, and before you say, no, I'm not crying. (*silently sobs in the corner*)
However, to be serious, I like how this story keeps repeating the phrase "When did I...?" throughout the story's setting. And as time passes by, the "When did I" statements are becoming more sarcastic, more grim compared to the first few "Where did I" statements.
Bottom line, love the alliterations, and how these "blanks" are filled out. The story it tells really tells about mental health, and how fortunate some people's lives are, compared to others.