I am not burned, but I am bruised.
Could enter the flames, I stay away.
Encircled with fire, I was unrecognized.
Now extinguished and bandaged.
I am not drowning, but I am still in the water.
Could go limp, instead I swim.
I went under before and lost myself.
Now keeping my head above the waves.
I am not choking, but I am coughing.
Could stop coughing, I persevere.
Once deprived and fallen.
Now taking one breath at a time.
first:this poem should of be a lyrical poem but this goes to all the poetry keep up the good work of doing great poems...
Second: you should take i am not burned thats what i dont like of that poem..
Third: just be who you are and do lyrical poems for the people who supports it and loves it ...
Hello, Evie! Nicole here with a short review.
first impressions: this is a really great poem! I loved reading this! it was really powerfull to read. i really like the way you worded it. it was just such an amazing poem!
things that could be improved: you're basically good here. I don't want to change any artistic choice, but, if you wanted some suggestions when you say several times, ''could go limp'', or ''could enter the flames''', etc. you could change it slightly to make more sense, and flow better. you could say something like, I could enter the flames. but that is just a suggestion.
hope this review was helpful.
keep writing!
-Nicole
Hey Ailah! Incoming review!
Your poem is very interesting and I'm here to review it! And I guess I'll start out with critiques I may have.
My only real complaint may be with this line
I just think it's lacking in substance. The same complaint applies toCould enter the flames, I stay away.
It feels like there should be a more personal phrasing as to how you could but didn't. It's just the language that's too general for it to be a "narrative poem" for yourself. I also think the starting with the word "could" is slightly amateur.Could go limp, instead I swim.
Could stop coughing, I persevere.
Once deprived and fallen.
Burns leave scars but bruises go away over time. So people can't see your bruises, that's why you have to tell them. It's always so frustrating trying to explain an invisible injury or illness to someone. So the first line was what really drew me in and it was a really great beginning as a whole!I am not burned, but I am bruised.
These lines also hit hard. You had trouble keeping your head above water but now you're doing well. You didn't receive any help from anyone as eluded from the poem itself, so you had to cope on your own. It's sad how some people have to cope on their own either because they can't get help or are too scared/stubborn to get help. I've been there and these lines give me that vibe.I went under before and lost myself.
Now keeping my head above the waves.
Hey there! Good morning/ afternoon/ evening/ night/ or whenever it is in your part of the dimension! Wren here to review this amazing poem!
This poem is one of hope and perseverance. I love how you explained that, while you are still alive, still fighting, you’re not completely out of the woods yet. Oftentimes I feel like people separate surviving with being free of a situation.
My favorite line was your last one, “Now taking one breath at a time.” It really just hit the entire poem home!
Thank you for creating this wonderful poem, and keep up the fantastic work! I am looking forward to reading more!
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