Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Realistic

Mature Content

Eraser

by Adu05


All the marks that dot her skin,

The blemishes that frame her face,

Her eyes that see only imperfection-

All of that, can love erase?


Her slender wrists that are crossed with scars,

The numbers etched into her waist,

Her heart that withers behind bony bars-

All of that, can love erase?


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



Random avatar

Points: 22
Reviews: 6

Donate
Fri Jul 03, 2020 8:41 am
Fadzie wrote a review...



Honestly i can relate, it expresses the questions one will have when they look in the mirror and all they see are negative things, not fair enough , not slim enough, not curvy enough - in short the imperfections and one often wonder if its possible for someone to love them completely. Its short but it says a lot. Keep up the good work. Its honestly the same question i was asking myself yesterday, when i was sitting on my bed and staring in the mirror and i am sure i am not the only one with those questions out there.

Keep writing. You never know how many hearts you can touch out there.




User avatar
100 Reviews


Points: 5531
Reviews: 100

Donate
Tue Jun 30, 2020 9:48 pm
View Likes
WinnyWriter wrote a review...



Hey, there. This is a really though-provoking and meaningful poem. I think it resonates with a lot of young females, and no doubt boys, too, so it's highly relatable to a large number of people. It shows how easy it can be to look only at the surface and hate oneself simply because of low satisfaction with outward appearance.

I like how you've depicted the subject's forlorn state as something that she is seeking to escape. Especially where it says, "Her heart that withers behind bony bars." It makes it sound like she's in a prison, giving a great mental picture of how helpless such a state can feel. I can also see that she is pressured by society's standards of beauty. You indicated that without saying it outright, which I like.

Good work! Keep encouraged, and keep writing! :)




Adu05 says...


Thanks for the review!!



User avatar


Points: 27
Reviews: 4

Donate
Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:59 pm
View Likes
calmyindanger wrote a review...



reading this reminded me of an old friend of mine. she was the type that didn't seem to think she deserved love. She always would lie about where she got her scars from. Some days it would be her cat, an accident, the stairs,she tripped, or bumped into something. At first I bought into her lies, a part of me forcing myself to think they were true. I was a horrible friend. I saw an issue and I made no move to help or even offer advice. I got angry at her and did not take note of how easily she was frightened. When I realized it I did not turn around for the good. I avoided her and neglected the relationship. Asking things from her without actually doing anything for her. I didn't realize how bad my actions where till a rumor started about her trying to game end herself. This time I finally took action and made a step to make things right but It was to late for me to fix the damage I caused. I went to apologize and she pushed me away. She was hurt but overtime she got a new friend group that loved her from the start and nowadays i hope she is doing well.

your poem makes me look at the scars and the emotions that could possibly go through people. it makes me feel a way I can not express. a form of guilt and acceptance. I want to believe love can erase it. her heart can grow again, her eyes can see the perfection that lies in all her natural blemishes and dots on her skin. but, I am not sure.

your poem makes me question what I have seen and what I have done. when I was in those shoes and when I watched someone else walk in them. Thank you.

from yours
-calmyindanger




Adu05 says...


Thank you for the review!



User avatar
208 Reviews


Points: 14243
Reviews: 208

Donate
Tue Jun 30, 2020 5:42 pm
View Likes
whatchamacallit wrote a review...



Hello Adu05! I'm here to review your poem!

I really love how much emotion, and how much subtle imagery, you managed to evoke from just two very short stanzas. I especially liked the line,

The numbers etched into her waist.

because I had to stop and think about it for a moment, before realizing what it meant. I love it when a poem makes the reader stop and think, but it's still clear enough for the reader to figure out what the poet means.

Because this is such a short poem, I want to quickly point out the title. "Eraser" is a fairly bland title, and it suggests school or childhood or even art, not love or insecurity. There's nothing wrong with a little surprise when the reader starts the poem, however it does mean that people who aren't interested in a school-related poem might not read it, to begin with. You could consider adding to or altering the title, for example,
Erasing imperfections
or
Imperfect masterpiece
or whatever else you think would suit the poem.

I have one other minor critique, which is punctuation. The way the poem is currently written, every single line is its own sentence. However, they can't actually function on their own as sentences, since they don't have both a subject and verb. For example, we can look at the second line -
The blemishes that frame her face.

The blemishes are the subject, and you might think that "frame her face" is the verb or action. However, because you connect them with "that", "frame her face" just acts as a way to describe the blemishes. So what are the blemishes doing? Two possible sentences would be:
The blemishes frame her face.
or
The blemishes that frame her face are beautiful.
Or, if you don't want to alter how the poem is written, you could simply change the punctuation like so:
All the marks that dot her skin,

The blemishes that frame her face,

Her eyes that see only imperfection -

All of that, can love erase?


The same changes can be applied to the second stanza.

Other than that, I really have nothing to criticize. I absolutely love the descriptions you use, especially in the second stanza - "her heart that withers behind bony bars" is such an interesting description.

Overall, really well done! I hope this review is helpful, and if you have any questions, ask!

Keep writing!

whatchamacallit


Image




Adu05 says...


Thanks for the review! I'll definitely look into the punctuation.



User avatar


Points: 49
Reviews: 4

Donate
Tue Jun 30, 2020 3:17 pm
View Likes
SummerBlues wrote a review...



Hi Adu05! Just want to leave a review here.

I love this poem, it is beautiful in its simplicity, though I do agree with mememimer that it would be very nice if there are more stanzas to it because there is a sense of more-ness to the ending, like it leaves me feeling unfinished (or maybe it is a deliberation on your part?), I would love to read more of it. In terms of the word choice, I think you choose them very well. They are very descriptive and evocative, in the sense that I can see these images illustrated clearly in my mind. There is also something intimate about the language, perhaps it is the "marks that dot her skin" or "her slender wrists that are crossed with scars", these marking are usually less known to an outsider's eyes. But in this poem, by zooming in all these little details of one's body, it establishes a sense of intimacy between the reader and the girl in the poem. My favourite line is "her heart that withers behind bony bars", it is a very beautiful metaphor (and the alliteration has a nice ring to it!) to describe the ribcage that locks the heart in. The word choice "wither" also reminds me of flowers, like the heart is something that blooms and wilts with the hurt that is inflicted upon it. I have one question though, if you do not mind me asking. What does "the numbers etched into her waist" mean? Are you referring to the size of her waist?

Anyway, I love how you touch on the theme of body image with such lovely language. Please keep writing, can't wait to read more of your future works:)




Adu05 says...


Thanks for leaving a review! "the numbers etched into her waist" were a way of me showing that she measures the size so much, the numbers are sort of ingrained into her skin. I'll see if i can make that a bit clearer



User avatar
36 Reviews


Points: 2943
Reviews: 36

Donate
Tue Jun 30, 2020 12:54 pm
View Likes
mememimer wrote a review...



Hi, @mememimer here to review the poem.

You have brought out a strong issue with this poem. In today's times, people are so insecure of themselves that they forget the fact that they do have great potentials. They are so much engaged in improving every bit of their bodies. Improving yourselves is good to an extent, but what is important is to love yourselves however you are and be confident. Never feel ashamed of who you are. Everybody is different in their own way, just like you are different from everyone else! So brace yourselves up and start accepting.

Talking about the poem, its really beautiful. It has a strong essence to it and has a good structure. I could make out the clarity of thought. I really like the repetition in the end in both the stanzas as it makes the poem more intense. Its a short poem, yet it invokes much feelings. I wished that you could add more stanzas to it. Anyway, I would definitely look forward to your writings in the future. Keep writing!

Best wishes,
I




Adu05 says...


Thank you for leaving a review! I felt like adding more stanzas might dilute the issue and i might wander off from what I'm really trying to say that's why I wrote only two.




Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
— George Eliot