Young Writers Society

This is a beautiful piece and I can just imagine myself sitting in a large field of roses. This is incredibly descriptive. The poem draws you in and doesn’t let you go until the end, I can't wait for your next one. But I did notice that this I this is in the art section and not te poem, I feel that your poem is a great piece of art una sense that it is writing but to call it art like a picture or something else I feel as if you are saying that this isn’t worthy of being a poem. This should be moved to the poem section if possible. Other than that I loved it and it was two hundred percent worth reading.

This is a very beautiful poem, I like it, but I don't understand why you put it in the art section.

Legacy here for a review.

I love the imagery you use here along with personification (correct me if I am wrong but it seems like you are describing a doll of some sort stuck in the roses).

The only thing I would recommend is changing "curled" to "curl" because everything else is in present tense except for curled.

That's all I got. Beautiful piece, and keep writing. Legacy.

Hi, I'm fairly new to reviewing but I thought that I would leave a short review.
Firstly, your piece creates lovely, bright imagery because of the positive, pretty adjectives and the direct address makes the piece have a personal effect on the reader. However, you did change the tense but I don't want to repeat the same feedback that others have already covered. A very pretty piece of writing!

I think you should end the sentence at "then your right"

Curl, not curled. You switched tenses.

Maybe add a space between the lines "when they do you can feel..." and "the fields covered in roses,"

"And every time you look up..." save the period at the end of that sentence to be after "is beauty." Where it is

"The beauty of the light shilling on your face" did you mean shinning?

"And your sun yellow dress" maybe should be "And your yellow sun dress"

"Softly tickling your legs,

You,

Are at peace."
I feel like this could use a better transition into the end. Maybe one more sentence to signify the ending instead of just awkwardly ending it there.

I'm not a huge fan of poetry, but I do like this poem. It is beautiful and very well written. Keep writing because your emotional connections are very good.

Hope my review helps you

Hey, crobbins here for a review!

So first off, I love the idea of this poem! Everyone deserves to image themselves in a place as serene as this every now and then!

Now onto the nit-picks!

"Your blond locks curled around the roses,
Though so rough the thorn doesn’t hurt,"
This excerpt doesn't make sense to me. The hair is rough or the rose is rough? Why would this make it not hurt?

"The beauty of the light shilling on your face." Also, did you mean "shining?" Or perhaps I am not familiar with this word?

"You,
Are at peace."
Although I think this line is good, I don't think the comma is needed here.

This leads to my other criticism, the formatting. The capitalization of every line makes it, (for me), hard to follow all of the new ideas and new sentences. I understand that this is aesthetically pleasing, but it makes it hard to follow at times (like in the last excerpt).

Now, I love the details you provided in this! They help the reader make an image of the place you are describing. This, in my opinion, is necessary for a piece like this- you certainly did this well!

Overall, great job on this! Just a few tweaks and I think this piece will be EVEN MORE amazing! I'd love to read more of your work!

-crobbins

Hey MagicAce!!!!

Your poem's beautiful...incredibly beautiful!!
Love the way you start with the rose to describe nature's beauty.I might not have any suggestions for you 'cause I'm still an amateur writer.


Your a great writer...Hey,MagicAce it's like you've literally got magic in your hands.
Waiting for your other works too..!...^_^

Hey there, MagicAce!

Crimson here with a review.

First thing that jumps out to me here as I read through is this part:

With a stroke of your left hand,

Then your right,

You feel more and more at peace.

Your blond locks curled around the roses,

Though so rough the thorn doesn’t hurt,

All you can feel is the soft wind blowing past your button nose,

All you can feel is the soft wind blowing past your button nose,

Everything soft and quiet.

You start to sit up and you feel the roses don’t want to let go of your lovely golden hair.

And every time you look up to the clouds with your deep blue eyes.

The beauty of the light shilling on your face.

Then you stand up,

And your sun yellow dress,

Softly tickling your legs,

You,

Are at peace.