Young Writers Society

Hey! So although I liked the eerieness (that's not a word but bear with me here) of it, but I noticed that there are several spelling mistakes so just make sure that you double check before posting. Every time there's a new correction it'll have ~ in front of it!
Here are the mistakes and ways of correcting them:
~"Hello? Is anyone their?" ----> The their should be there
~You look around un able ----> Unable is one word
~the room is cold, so are you ----> It could be worded a little bit better. Such as: the room was cold like you....
~you wonder witch breath ----> The witch should be which
~"Hello" ----> I don't know what you are going for, but as I read it further I don't think the quotation marks are necessary.
~Your alone ----> The your should be you're
~The tiny tears ----> Nice imagery, but not the best wording, maybe the word small or little
~you take quick turns swooshing your head back and forth ---> Not the most articulate way of saying it. You could say: you violently turned your head several times or something like that.
~Your hear brushes ----> The your should be you
~The floor, its glass, cold, ice cold glass. ----> It could say the floor is glass, ice, cold, and unforgiving glass. This way the reader can get a vivid picture of the flooring.
~you can see red eyes in the distends ----> It should be distance (although the word distends means swollen due to pressure from inside; bloated)
Ok so I'm sorry I nitpicked it as much as I did but it helps when you write in the future. Most of the spelling mistakes were easily avoidable so just make sure you have someone else read it or you double check (although I recommend someone else read it because they are more likely to catch mistakes that you wouldn't have). So this was a good little story, it was a tad cliche because of the whole 'it was all a dream' thing, but I mean it was a good story with a few little lines of description. It was short and simple but I want you to be more descriptive therefore making it a little longer. Again just make sure to fix all those mistakes because it looks really bad. So after that. Keep writing, you're doing a great job! <3

Sarah24

Hello, Ace101! Gxldencrxwns here to leave a review on your poem! I'll review this line by line, with a ^ next to my words.



“Hello? Is anyone their?” Your in a dark room

^ Okay, so right off the bat, I noticed many spelling mistakes. The wrong form of there was used in this sentence, it should be there. As well as you're, it was used incorrectly. Also, the sentence should end with a period.

“Hello?” tiny waterfalls trickle down your checks

^ I like how you described the tears as tiny waterfalls, that was a nice touch. But checks should be cheeks, and the sentence needs to end with a period.

“H-Hello, please!” You look around un able to see the ground underneath your feet, the room is cold, so are you, as you shiver you wonder witch breath will be your last,

^ Okay, unable shouldn't have a space between it, and witch should be which. The sentence needs to end with a period.

“Someone!” Where are the walls? Are there any walls?

^ I don't have anything to say about this one.

“Hello” Welcome to your fears. Your alone, the room is black and cold, you can hear voices. The tiny tears start rushing down your face, as you take quick turns swooshing your head back and forth in fear looking for a door, a person, your hear brushes past your eyes. The floor, its glass, cold, ice cold glass. The voices are getting louder, you can see red eyes in the distends, what is going on?

^ In the second sentence, it should be you're instead of your. And as for the third sentence, the words your and hear, I don't know what it's supposed to be.

“Help me!” The ground leaves from under your feet, you fall deeper and deeper and it gets darker and darker and darker and darker and-

And then you wake up.

^ Okay, so it was just a nightmare. I like stories where the main character is dreaming about something good or bad.

Overall, the story was fine but is was pretty rough with spelling and such. I'd suggest editing this and correcting your mistakes. If you did so, it would improve greatly.

Keep writing!
~gxldencrxwns

I love this!!!

Hi! This was an interesting poem as it wasn't in the usual poem format with clear lines and stanzas. I liked the simile that you used, comparing years to waterfalls. That being said, let's get into the review!

So first thing is that you should definitely double check your spelling before you post, as you used "your" instead of "you're" and "witch" instead of which. Best thing to do is read your poem out loud. That helps catch mistakes easily because you're totally focused on the poem.

Next thing is in the fourth paragraph. The "H....." was kind of confusing because after that it just launched into "welcome to your fears".

So then you should watch your adjective choice. You used "small" two times, and small itself is a weak adjective. Instead of using "small", you could say tiny or something like that. You also used "cold" and "dark" a few times. So, just make sure not to repeat adjectives and try using stronger adjectives.

The last thing I have to say is you should give some exposition to your poem. It's kind of just a scene without context. Give a bit of background to this and you'll be golden.

I hope this was helpful!

Hello! Iridescence here with a review.

So this is interesting. I see it as somewhat bland, but there's a lot of potential.

I want to talk about the positives of the poem. You used some of the five senses, which is always really good and helpful. It adds description to the piece, yet I feel that you could have used it more. If your goal is to channel fear within the reader, then use lots of imagery. I'd also like to say that I liked it when you used "small waterfalls" instead of tears. Smart move.

I'd like to add that there were a few errors grammatically. "Your" should actually be "you're". Also, what confused me is that you switched from first person to third person. You went from "me" and then "you" and you kept doing it back and fourth.

Finally, your ending was rather weak. Repeating "darker" multiple times gets rather tedious and boring. Instead, I would find a word similar to that and use that word once. Then after that, it drops to your last line, which wasn't the most effective. It was not the best transition and saying "and then you wake up" was a bit bland. Try to spice it up.

Overall, the poem is not bad but there is room for potential! Thank you and have a nice day.

-Iridescence