Published December 7, 2011
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140,745 Literary Works • 673,686 Reviews
I don't have much of a review for you as I really can't find much wrong with this at all - but I really wanted to tell you how much I like it! As a poem, it flows well and makes your point really clear, and the topic is unique and the poem is just very quirky and individual.
I love the dramatic yet completely true way you've described everything in this poem. Keep writing - I'd love to read more.
Hello, Abid! I'm Rose, and I'll be reviewing this piece today.
My favorite part of this piece was the subject. I know that quite a few other people have written about near-death experiences and the stuff like that, but this one was fresh. I haven't seen stuff like it before. However, it did have a few areas where I think improvement could be made.
One of the most common things writers have to get over is the overuse of words. You can have one word that's absolutely vibrant and stellar, but if you cover it with lines and lines of words that don't contribute to the poem, the power of that word will weaken. If I were you, I would look over this piece again and ask yourself if every word of every sentence and every line needs to be there. Everything must have a purpose, no matter how small.
This is good writing, but I think it could be even better. Watch this.
I think this flows better and is easier to read. You really do have good rhyming skills; have you ever considered writing lyrics?
The last thing I'd suggest working on is your punctuation. Punctuation is important in all writing, even poetry. Notice how when I edited your work above, I inserted a comma at the end of the first line. Doesn't it make it look more polished?
Remember, your opinion is all that matters at the end of the day. If you disagree with any of my suggestions, feel free to disregard them and keep this just the way it is.
All in all, great work! Always keep writing!
-Rose
In the begining of this poem, I think you could have quoted your thoughts, but overall I thought it was just okay. I think you should use more correct grammer, unless that's the main idea of your poem. You could have capitalized your 'I's in the poem. The overall story of this poem is good, though. Keep on writing!