Travel Writing By Abigail Eastham

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I woke up seeing a glimpse of the rising sun peering over the horizon. Criccieth is differemt where I live, as soon as the sun is seen, all that can be heard are cars, lorries and buses driving past, but here you could hear a wonderful song which the wakening birds were singing.

I walked across the soft green sheet that covered the field and went exploring in the painted woodland. I collected many different kinds of flowers which I treasured in my scrapbook. I also saw many different kinds of insects, including the bees collecting powder from the flowers below. As I went deeper into the woodland I found an extraordinary flower which looked like the flames in a fire, it started off black in the middle then grew into red then orange and finally yellow. It was one of the best discoveries I had ever found but I couldn’t take something as beautiful as this, so I left it to spread its flames over the woodland. The black canvas of the night was near so I headed back to the camp.

As I lay on the green sheet, I looked up at the stars that spread across the night sky. I found that the stars made pictures in the sky; one of them looked like the flamed flower I found earlier, it was like I planted it into a group of motionless lights in the sky.

I loved this, though I don't understand why it's under fantasy fiction, it sounds like poetry. I'm predicting there's not going to be any more though. Though 'Travel Writing" sounds very pretty, it's a bit pointless unless you add it to a novel or something you'll write later on. I'd save it if I were you.

erm yes good story there probably over used the words sheet and wakening and there's no explosions or swearing or sexual content probably the most inviting part 2 a story

holla! make sure that you really stress that this is a fantasy story. Like allot. Because right now it seems like a non fiction story with typos. If this is just the beginning to a fiction story and this part just doesn't seem like it then put a little blurb explaining it.

I for one, got a little confused from all of the tense changes make sure you establish its time.

Also you didn't really give a lot of character detail, thou you painted the area your character lives in very well.


work on it some more.

holla! make sure that you really stress that this is a fantasy story. Like allot. Because right now it seems like a non fiction story with typos. If this is just the beginning to a fiction story and this part just doesn't seem like it then put a little blurb explaining it.

I for one, got a little confused from all of the tense changes make sure you establish its time.

Also you didn't really give a lot of character detail, thou you painted the area your character lives in very well.


work on it some more.

This story is not fantasy!

Hey,
Before I get round to the actual review, I would like to inquire about why this piece is in fantasy fiction?
Is it the beginning of a story and the rest is fantasy?
Anyways... on to the review!

First paragraph

I woke up seeing a glimpse of the wakening sun peering over the horizon. Criccieth is different from where I live because as soon as you saw the sun all you could hear was cars driving past, but here you could hear a wonderful song which the wakening birds were singing.

Criccieth is different from where I live because as soon as you saw the sun all you could hear was cars driving past, but here you could hear a wonderful song which the wakening birds were singing

I walked across the soft green sheet that covered the field and went exploring in the painted woodland. I collected many different kinds of flowers which I treasured in my scrapbook and saw many different kinds of insects, and then I watched the bees collect the powder from the flowers below.

As I went deeper into the woodland insert comma here I found an extraordinary flower which looked like the flames in a fire,just writing 'which looked like flames/fire', would be enough here it [s]starts [/s] started off black in the middle then grew into red then orange and finally yellow. It was one of the best discoveries I had[s]e[/s] ever found but I couldn’t take something as beautiful as this insert comma here so I left it to spread its flames over the woodland. The black sheet of the night was near so I headed back to the camp.

As I lay on the green sheet insert comma here I looked up at the stars that spread over the black sheet of the sky. I think you should abandon the idea of using the word 'sheet' here, its been used too much. You could say: I looked up at the stars that spread across the night sky' I found that the stars made pictures in the sky; one of them looked like the flamed flower I had found earlier, it was like I had planted it into a group of motionless lights in the sky.