George's eyes drifted around the room. As always, the TV was on, but he wasn't paying any attention to the advertisements flashing across the screen. He took in the view of his collections, the baseball cards, matchbox cards and other various items that decorated the living room. He continued to scan the room until his eyes found one item in particular: the rocking chair that sat in the corner.
It had belonged to the love of his life. The sight of it sent memories careening through his head, forcing his eyes closed. He could picture the way she had looked at the chair nearly 50 years ago, how her eyes had lit up immediately. It was expensive, and money had been tight for them then, but how could he say no?
He remembered the way that she had sat there for hours when he first brought it home, reading, sewing, making any excuse possible so she wouldn't have to get up. He had cooked dinner that night, just so she didn't have to part with her beloved chair.
A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth as he recalled the many songs she sang as she rocked their first and eventually fourth child to sleep in that very spot. No matter how many times it was stained or broken, she refused to let it go. It occurred to George then that the chair was probably made more of glue then it was of wood after all the times he had to fix it.
All the kids had graduated and gone on to do great things in the world; he had raised two doctors a lawyer and an aspiring actress, but the chair remained. He wondered if it would be there forever, even after he was long gone. For now, it was all he had left of his family.
His wife had passed nearly ten years ago, and the kids rarely visited. Even so, he was thankful for all the great times in his life. With tears forming at the corners of his eyes, he sighed.
"Those were the days."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hello there 1nspire!
This is a poignant little short you have here. I like how this is from the POV of the elderly George, how he's reminiscing on the rocking chair and his beloved wife. It's sweet and cute, but sad, in a way.
Though the fact that this story does center on the rocking chair and what it means to George doesn't seem to fit quite right under the story's title. "Those Were the Days" leads a person to believe that this story will be about how the past was so much better than the present, and while your story did hint at that (Even so, he was thankful for all the great times in his life.), it was just a hint and not the point. The point of the story is the rocking chair, and for that, I think the title is kind of misleading.
If the story is going to be about the good old days, I think you should talk more about those "great times in his life". (I am a little curious about the kids, I'll admit - what they were like, and such). What made those days so wonderful in contrast to now, when he's sad and alone. </3 But if it's centered on the rocking chair, then let it be so! :p How much it means to him (we saw what it meant to his wife), how it stuck with their family after all these years, and conclude the story with a statement or thought on it. Your ending line was sentimental and sweet, but I didn't feel as if it really related to the rocking chair...?
Anyhow, that's all I'll say for now. This was lovely but I felt as if there's a lot more that could be said about his wife, about George himself.
Thanks for sharing this story, and have a great day!
~rosette <3
Thanks, I really appreciate the review!
Really good short story. Enjoyed every second of it!
Thank you!
This might be a weird comparison, but in a strange way this story reminded me of "Of Mice and Men". However, only in the way that it was so impressively concise and straightforward - you clearly wrote this story with one intent in mind, and did a great job setting up the story simply because of the one goal you had in mind. I am very impressed with how quickly you were able to create an entire story and world.
My only criticisms come down to wording and the way you write the sentences. At times, they can sound a little awkward. For example, when you say "money had been tight for them then", reading this out loud to yourself you would've noticed it sounds a little awkward. Perhaps "Money had been tight at the time" would sound better?
Also, like I learned from an English teacher once upon a time, sentence starter variety goes a long ways. You seem to start a lot of sentences similarly, with "him" or "he" or "it." This is definitely not always a bad thing, and it actually works here, but I would like to caution you in future writing that it can get boring - it's one of my own faults in writing.
Very touching story! Keep up the word.
Thanks for the review, I%u2019ll keep the tips in mind!
Heya, 1nspire! It's erilea here for a quick review.
Let's get to it!
1)
This is a small typo--it should be "his", not "hiss." I do like how you've used a descriptive verb (careening) though; it really adds character and action to this short.
2)
This sentence feels empty without much explanation. What exactly are those "great things" the kids have accomplished? This ending feels a little rushed, and part of that is because the paragraphs are short and not very fleshed out. Adding these small details will help to make the ending more effective.
3)
A nitpick here--usually, in professional writing, numbers are written out (so, ten instead of 10). Also, you've never mentioned the "great times" that George is referring to, so "those" isn't the best word choice. Again, you could make this paragraph a bit thicker by adding more description, or you could change it to "Even so, he was thankful for the great times in his life."
And that's about it! While short, this story is really poignant and does pull at the reader's heartstrings a tiny bit.
XOX,
erilea
Thanks for the review!
Just a quick short story, I don't actually know what I just wrote