I'm having a hard time deciding if I really like this poem for all the techniques, tricks, and mystery, or if I don't like it. The main problem I'm having with the poem is that it is so connected, that it seems like you could start anywhere. To me, it seems the first stanza is not the start of the poem. It's like you're showing us this has been going on for years, and it's going to keep going on for years. Nothing's going to change the problem you're presenting to us. At the same time, it's a little hard to understand whether or not the problem is actually a problem the main people are having or if the problem is something they're seeing. It sounds like the family speaking is poor and they're making due with what they have. I can't tell if they live in a box, or if they live in a shabby apartment. I don't know if the extension chord is making the outlet for the light bulbs or if the ceiling is actually a ceiling.
It's that ambiguity that I like though. You're letting me decide whether these people are living how they want, or living how they can. The repetition of telling other people they're fine is cool too because it allows us to choose ourselves who we and they are. That being said, I do think you could improve on the 4th stanza. It's a little jarring because the original other speaker is a voice, just that, nothing more. It's not me, or you, it's a voice. When the speaker looks at 'you' though, it makes me wonder whether you are the one who spoke originally, or if the voice on 22nd street was a third individual. I believe it's a third individual, but I have no way of confirming it, and no real setting for where 'we' are as opposed to 'the voice' or even 'them' so it's a little disorienting.
Aside from that, I'd say I like this poem quite a bit. I love how you have it cyclical, and open to interpretation. There's a little bit of work that I think could be done with setting, but I can't say it 100% needs the work, just something that you might be able to improve if you so choose.
Merry Christmas!
Points: 1883
Reviews: 806
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