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Running Out...

by TazmaniaGirl


Tuesday 10th June

My life's full of dullness. Every corner I turn, I see nothing but grim faces. Even to the people who are happy to behere.

Let me correct that.

No-one's happy to be here.

It's lifeless, and the only party we have is... Halloween. Not even Christmas is good here. Or New Year. Just Halloween.

It's annoying for those who want to have a normal life, and want to celebrate something better than Halloween.

You trying bright and bouncy, and having to live in a place full of Goths. This isn't the real world, were trapped all because of some stupid curse.

Welcome, to Greyville.

Amanda Harden.

Tuesday 10th June

My life's full of parties, and loud music, and bright, jolly people. I don't want to live here. Infact, I don't think I do live here! I belong where there's nothing but a Halloween Party every year, and no-body celebrates anything else. My mother and Father are nothing like me, yet, I'm related to them.

How is that?

Am I a whole new person, with a whole new life?

What's going on with me! One minute I'm in my perfect home, and the next, I'm here. I don't like it here. I want to leave, and never see it again. I want to walk into the sunset, and wave goodbye from the Horizon.

Who's with me?

No-one.

Welcome, to Joyus Town.

Eve Traven

This story is about to different people, twins, who suddenly change live's, and want to change back. They have to travel round the world to each other, and try and change that HORRID curse...


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Wed Oct 27, 2021 11:34 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is an interesting piece here. The premise especially is a pretty interesting one...and well there are a few parts that come off a touch confusing, but it is a really simple piece and I think you do well here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

My life's full of dullness. Every corner I turn, I see nothing but grim faces. Even to the people who are happy to behere.

Let me correct that.

No-one's happy to be here.

It's lifeless, and the only party we have is... Halloween. Not even Christmas is good here. Or New Year. Just Halloween.

It's annoying for those who want to have a normal life, and want to celebrate something better than Halloween.


Alright, so this seems to be some sort of diary entry maybe, its a bit harder to fully place exactly what this is meant to be, but we do have an interesting start. ITs a pretty unique situation that's being established here and you can get a good sense of the sort of situation this place is in. It doesn't necessarily sound horrible, but then it also seems like the people who live there do actually take this situation very seriously and are all somewhat saddened by the whole situation.

You trying bright and bouncy, and having to live in a place full of Goths. This isn't the real world, were trapped all because of some stupid curse.

My life's full of parties, and loud music, and bright, jolly people. I don't want to live here. Infact, I don't think I do live here! I belong where there's nothing but a Halloween Party every year, and no-body celebrates anything else. My mother and Father are nothing like me, yet, I'm related to them.

How is that?

Am I a whole new person, with a whole new life?


OKay so this part became much more about the actual person writing this so this feels a bit more like a diary entry wood and talk of their own sort of opinion on things. It still doesn't seem to be all that great but also it doesn't seem bad either. Its a little bit confusing in some parts there with some of the questions this person seems to be asking themselves.

What's going on with me! One minute I'm in my perfect home, and the next, I'm here. I don't like it here. I want to leave, and never see it again. I want to walk into the sunset, and wave goodbye from the Horizon.

Who's with me?

No-one.

Welcome, to Joyus Town.


Okay well it ends up by capitalizing on the not so great aspects I see. So it seems like two seperate diary entries from two seperate people stuck in some kind of very similar world with this one specific curse and they both seems to not like where they live.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this is a decent little start here...and from the author's note there I see this is some sort of a prologue of sorts. Its interesting...I like the premise for sure, its very unique and seems like you could build quite a story around it. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Jun 24, 2012 5:18 pm
SkyLore wrote a review...



Hey TazmaniaGirl! I hope I'm allowed to review this. If not, I apologize deeply. And sorry this review is late ^-^"

No-one's happy to be here.


I think this would sound a bit better if you put "no one is" instead of "no one's" Since this is a statement, "no one is" gives it more emphasis.

You#FF0000 ">'re trying #FF0000 ">to be bright and bouncy, and #FF0000 ">but you having #FF0000 ">have to live in a place full of Goths. This isn't the real world, we#FF0000 ">'re trapped all because of some stupid curse.


The places where you put your commas and stuff are a bit odd, so I provided corrections in red.

I belong where there's nothing but a Halloween #FF0000 ">party every year, and no-body #FF0000 ">nobody celebrates anything else. My mother and #FF0000 ">father are nothing like me, yet, I'm related to them.


The corrections I made here are minor. Just small grammar errors, is all.

Overall:
This was an interesting piece to read. Haven't seen anything like it, which makes it amazingly unique.
Things to watch out for is your grammar. As in, ways to spell things such as "no one" and "nobody"
Other than that and the things I've stated above, that's about the only things you need to worry about.
I highly encourage you to do some chapters for these ladies. I would be a reader ;)
If you have any questions about this review, contact me via my profile or my mailbox.

Keep writing,
Sky c:




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Wed May 16, 2012 10:21 pm
monsterwriter says...



I will review soon...




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Mon May 14, 2012 6:36 pm
TazmaniaGirl says...



I was meant to get Joyuouis spelt wrong, because I thought it'd be like a little pun thing, if you know what I mean.
Thank You.






you do know you could edit it and correct mistakes?



TazmaniaGirl says...


Yes, I knew that from when I first joined...



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38 Reviews


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Mon May 14, 2012 6:10 pm
TazmaniaGirl says...



I am next time going to do a chapter each for these characters.
I wanted to do this as like a prolouge or something, and please review!





It always seems impossible until it's done.
— Nelson Mandela