Young Writers Society

ITS REVIEW TIME!!!


This poem is quite deep. I really enjoyed it. I like how you italicized the last like word of each paragraph which gives these words more meaning. I like how you went through different stages the mind goes through. Maybe you could do one poem focusing on just one of the stages? Just a suggestion though. SO far all your works I've read have been amazing so just keep up the good work and I hope you have a great day!

Hey alliyah!

Well, this was a very interesting read, my friend.

I liked the way you separated the different aspects of the mind in each stage of the thinking process, it was very inspiring to say the least. The style of each verse was very enjoyable to read, as well. You started with what your mind is, used an interesting description of that thinking stage, then at the end you used one word to conclude the idea. I just loved that- it was very creative!

My favourite part was the beginning and the end. When coming up with a new story, your mind is empty and all it needs is a bit of inspiration to kickstart the creativity. Then by the end of the creative process, a new story is born! A very interesting take on what occurs inside the mind of a creative person!

This is probably one of my favourites that you have written, but I'm sure after reading your other ones, I'll find many more little gems of poetry!


MissLyricz x

Hello, I'm here because I keep seeing you around and I stalked your profile. ^^
I saw this only had one review so I figured I would get it out of the green room, but it's from 2012, so it might not be in there... I guess I'll be your necromancer.

I like the ideas behind these different sections. The flow of the poem makes it easy to read and you do well with the structure for the most part, although I'd encourage putting in more punctuation like commas and periods. The capitalization in this sort of indicates where the punctuation should be, and the flow of the poem follows along well enough that you don't honestly need to put it in, but it might shine it up a bit.

Also with your punctuation and capitalization, I would take out the capitalization of the end idea. It's really not necessary. We get the drift once we see the ":" and understand that this is the idea you were talking about. You've got a great structure set up from your repetition to enforce that too. I would also take out the ellipsis (...) in the first line because while it does create a pause, a comma can do that job better. To me, ellipsis should just be used if you're omitting information or words. Sort of like an... so that the reader knows something was supposed to be there, but it wasn't something you could say. What I omitted was 'incomplete sentence' if you're wondering ^.-

Moving on. I really like how you go through the poem. Your stanzas are pretty strong. There's a bit of a jump between the first two ideas, and the flow between stanzas could be a little stronger, but for the most part putting these together works well because of the structure. It reminds me a lot of the "Biography Poem" structure, and that's another reason to remove the ellipsis.

I think you could make it stronger by changing the word for Mind while you progress in time. Mind, thoughts, brain, imagination, these are all things you could use for the same word and get off the same poem. It might even give you some new ideas.

The one stanza that I have some issues with is the last stanza. First off we've already gotten our curtain call, so where's this got a place? If we're not wrapping up and editing, but moving on, then shouldn't we just restart the poem? Next, you have too many "Final" words in the third line of the stanza. Having both "Finally" and "Finale" in the same line is just a red flag for me. Change one of them.

So in summary, go through and re-do your punctuation now that you're more familiar with YWS and how to post poems on here with the html codes like </br> and <p> to help keep things together. Also I would suggest replacing ellipsis with commas, and taking the capitals out of the last words of the stanzas.

I hope this helps and I'll see you around ^^

I love this poetic comment on every writer's greatest lover and greatest fear - the blank page. This is a poem that should have a very set structure, I think, but yet there are several deviations from a set pattern. You do not need a rhyme scheme, however, I think a steady rhythm will take this poem up a couple notches. The stanza pattern needs some cleaning up to, but I think this is an especially creative poem.