Young Writers Society

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

The title was quite an interesting one to draw me in to read the story. Life can sometimes indeed like a fictional world. However, I didn't really find anything very fictional in the story. Maybe we will, later. Anyway, let'a get into the review.

Well, this was rather an intriguing one. Honestly speaking, the narrator oe let's say the protagonist didn't seem to be a very good person and kind of like a "I don't care about anything" person. Perhaps it isn't really good to judge someone like this but they seem to be kind of inhuman... I don't know but it's rather not a good decision to make such a flawed character. I understand the fact that you wanted to give them flaws and no character is flawless but well, the readers have to feel for them and I didn't get the feeling here. So, maybe you could actually consider adding a few good characteristics of this person. Maybe you could say that we haven't even entered the story yet but I think the reader is not going to continue if the narrator leaves such a bad impression on them. Everyone should have something good. No one is perfectly flawed, after all.

Well, his view of life... He sees everything as way-too-boring things. He manipulates people for mere 'happiness' and doesn't regret his actions at all. I would very much suggest to include a bit of their past in this chapter. I do think that there must be something in their past which made them like this. So, better figure it out and include at least a few hints in the first chapter itself.

The end kind of startled me. I never imagined that they were 18 years old. They appeared to be much older than that. It intrigues me a bit though, which now is good. There must be something hidden in there.

Overall, I think some good sides could be added here. It would make the piece better.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy...this is quite the opening paragraph here. I have to say, already I really don't like this protagonist and I think I don't really like where this one attempts to be headed, although that second part is just my opinion here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I woke up with her still laying next to me. "Oh, you're up" I heard her say her head still resting upon my chest. "Didn't i tell you to leave last night?" I said, begrudgingly lifting myself up,brushing her off. I'm beginning to remember what had happened last night. An overabundance of alcohol that at the thought of began to creep its way up my throat, and all the nitrous I could get my hands on. This particular girl had been the product of a half hour of sweet talking and about 15 minutes of what i would like to call a satisfying experience. We all have to get ours somehow, I just didn't care either way. About her or about my own particular skill, or what i would like to call skill. " How could you say that? Taylor, you said...","Did I? I tend to say a lot of things I don't mean, but i did mean to tell you to leave, so do so.. Now." So with a few worthless tears and the spark of the night gone, she left.

I have always wondered why and how women are so easily manipulated when they are single, but become the manipulator when they are in a dedicated relationship. This is why i tend to swear off such fallacies of the 'functioning relationship'. Every stand up comedian in the world is right in that way. Women are horrible and they try to ruin our lives, simply put, and effective. I enjoy stand up comedy, either that or brutal honesty. But laughing at everyday coincidences that somehow tie into our own lives always makes me feel better about my own current situation.

I light my first cigarette and walk outside, it's nice out, not that it matters at all. I will probably spend all day inside doing nothing as always. Though it had not always been like this, I have honestly just given up on doing anything right or wrong, trying to be nice, caring about anyone other then myself, that sort of thing. I think I'm doing well, isn't that enough?

My phone rings, it's Steel. Yes, Steel. Steel had been a friend of mine for a pretty long time now, though recently our friendship had been taking altering turns due to the fact i had slept with every girlfriend he had ever had. So i answered his call, hoping for something in a nice tone for once.

"I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE YOU!"

Shit... What did i do?," What? What did i do?"

"Last night? Beth?"

"Oh was that her name?"

Not that I cared, she was just the exploit of a good night and fun.

"Yes you bastard! Do you even care that we were trying to get back together? Did you even care for one second about your best friend?"

"I don't know dude, i was on one, i couldn't even tell or care."

" Oh fuck you , that is just like you, not to care. Go fuck yourself, and you fucking watch your back because i'm coming for you, you piece of shit."

The phone beeps and he is gone from my good graces forever. My last true friend that i could count on gone because of a few... well many mistakes.

I'm 18 years old, now suddenly I'm 6, i drop my cigarette, fall to my knees, and cry.