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surving part 1

by dpbmn190


nick looked at the road ahed of him it was brighter now and he could see stuff more clearly now and right when he was going to turn a man walked in front of him and nick was forced to cut the wheel and fall off. the man didnt even bother to help him he just walked away.

"ok then asshole" grumbled nick from under his breath and got back up on his bike then he went back to driving thinking about when he got home and laying in the bed and slowly falling to sleep that would be nice then somthing interupeted him there were tons of people walking to a young girl bretty good looking.

"help me ahhhhh" she yeld and then the people got closer and closer to her. thats when nick noticed somthing about the people somthing very freeky thay were bloody and were moning very loud thats when it his him they were zombies

"come on its a monday and now zombies are taking over the world" nick looked around for somthing to fight with he saw a bat it didnt look like it was going to last that long but it was going to have to work. nick was walking over when they saw him and started to walk torwards him thats when nick started to run.

there is alot more to the story and it is a siries it has 256 pages and is crazy good give me a coment on my page or email me at devin_bloyer@yahoo.com it is 10.00 dollars i have had sold 100 some copys so far and am very happy


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Wed Sep 16, 2020 6:34 pm
EditorAndPerks wrote a review...



Hello there! I wanted to give a quick review on this work of yours, as it never got a review at all!

It seems like this is a small section of a longer novel, which is a bit unfortunate, as this is pretty short and we're barely getting into the action. I wish we could get more description as to this whole scene -- where the setting is, if it's bright outside, is it during the day/afternoon, what does Nick look like? Just a few different pieces could really set up this current place nicely.

There are definitely a few typos, both misspellings and grammatical errors, which are easy enough to fix if you run the text in a word processor. Besides that, I think Nick's personality is shown a little bit here -- more would be great, especially when faced with what look like zombies chasing after him. An easy way to make a character unique is to think about how the dialogue might be varied compared to other characters that appear.

I think the ending works well as a mini cliffhanger, but there's no more text here to read, so I'm not sure how effective that was. Zombies would for sure terrify me, and I don't know if I could save anyone including myself. I think the tone was interesting, as Nick seems rather blasé about this whole thing, and I think the errors might have dissuaded readers because the overall idea of this could work nicely.





Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity.
— Charles Mingus